Feeling sorry for myself…

I am in a very funky kind of mood today. This post is a semi rant cum self indulgence one!

The job I am with is not working out. I am not fond of the industry and want to go back to academia, which is where I feel I belong. Also I work on a flexible arrangement here, this was an experiment I wanted to do since I wanted to be there for BB & GG. But here, atleast, this experiment is not working.

Since I leave about 3 hours before the others, there are always things that I am unaware of, which people forget to update me when I get in the next day. I keep having this feeling of being in an island all alone. This is not very good for my morale.

The project I was hired for, has, for some reason not taken off. It has now been postponed to mid 2012, so I also have the feeling that my confirmation which would come in early January would be affected as I do not have anything concrete to show for the last six months, just preparations which went nowhere.

Last, this organisation is going to shift – no idea when though, but each time I ask, it is sometime by the end of the year – to the absolute other end of the country/island. Currently it takes me between 45 to 60 minutes to get to work and getting home takes around the same time, but I only need to take one straight bus and so most afternoons, I get on the bus and sleep till it’s time to get off. At the new place, I will need to change three different buses which will take me approximately 90 minutes to get to work and home (this is assuming there are no traffic snarls at any point in the journey). I will be spending 3 hours in the road and 6 hours at work – making it a 9 hour day altogether.

Is this worth it? When I joined here, I had great ideas and thougths, but the reality is way different. There’s been so much staff turnover, both before I joined and during the last 4 months, two people have left. When asked, the management talks about a ‘lack of fit’ for the reason why people leave. But I wanted to ask them, if there is an issue about the fit, then why hire the wrong kind of people? It’s either you don’t know what you are doing when you hire people, or that you give potential employees a completely distorted view of the organisation which makes the ‘fit’ questionable.

Well, I need to start searching for a new job pronto! What I would like in an ideal world would be to search, interview and accept a new position this month (aka November) and then serve my two weeks notice in the first half of December and finish my last day before I go on holiday and start a new place in the new year. What do you think? Will that happen? I want to do something that interests me and makes me excited to wake up on Monday morning, raring to get to work, instead of waking up on Monday and wishing it was Friday already 😦

If someone above listening to me, please, please help!! Also if God, you are listening or reading this, I wouldn’t mind winning some serious money in Toto or 4D, so that for the next few years, I can give up work and concentrate on BB & GG and do what interests me…

A picture to cheer me up! But does it? Let's wait and watch...

From here to…..???

I really don’t know what to type today. My mind is in a blank – actually that’s not true – I have thoughts running all over the place, incoherently that anything I put down will only be seen as ramblings.

Getting up in the mornings everyday is becoming more and more of a chore. Getting ready to go to work another headache. I wish I had the financial ability to just quit my job and be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) atleast for a while till I am able to get my head in order. At my age, now I really don’t know what I want to do. I do know that I want to do something that interests me, something that gets me going the whole day. At the point I am in now, in fact for the past 4-5 months, I have no interest in anything, things that I used to enjoy doing like reading, cooking etc have taken a back seat now and I feel tired all the time and all I want to do is to SLEEP! What is happening to me?

Me post lunch

This morning, while being squeezed and crushed in the bus during my morning commute, I had this revelation. Now I am not sure if this even means anything, but here goes nothing. Since I love books so much, why not qualify to become a librarian? I just Googled for the information and realised that there is a Library Association of Singapore. So now let me read up  all that they have to offer and write to them about what I need to become a librarian….