Today is the day BB & GG leave their childhood behind and officially become teens! They turn 13 today….
Dear GG and BB,
Happy Birthday to you! You turn 13 today and can now call yourselves official teenagers. These teen years will be amazing years for both of you as you both learn to stretch your wings, form your lifelong beliefs, build abilities and passions and find what you want to do for the rest of your lives.
You both are growing up to become fine young people, who have a good value system which should allow you to take the vagueries of being an adult in your stride. This is an age where temptations abound all around you and I do hope that values and sense we have instilled in both of you will help you fight against those temptations you will see around you.
GG, you are my first born and when I was pregnant with the two of you, I desperately wanted at least one of you to be a girl. You are that girl. You show so much promise and over the last one year, you have literally grown up, becoming more mature and focused. You know what you want to do in school and are very clear about your goals. You may not have the perfect career idea as yet, but each day you are refining your ideas and when you do figure out exactly what you want to do in life, you are well poised to achieve those goals. You also have started blossoming in terms of leadership skills and these will stand you in good stead in life. Keep doing what you are doing with the same passion and you will always be a winner!
BB, when you were born, I was very happy. I had always longed for a brother, and when I saw you with your sister, I knew GG will never feel the same yearning. You’ve been an amazing brother and hope you and your sister be as close as you are now forever. You are such a smart boy that sometimes the things you say, scare me! You found your passion in life when you were 3 years old and over the years, this has never wavered. This is extremely rare in people who take years in finding out what they want to do in life, with some adults not knowing it till the day they die. I hope you keep this passion alive and kicking and do all that you can to make sure you are able to achieve what you set out to be at age three! Do not less the fun of today make you lose track of what you want to achieve in life and lose sight of the end goal.
GG & BB, my wishes for you both are that you both lead happy, contented and fulfilled lives. There are not many years left when you will leave these teen years behind and become full-fledged adults and have all the responsibilities that come with it. Use these years wisely, read as much as you can, grow your mind, work hard in school to achieve the goals you set out for yourselves, enjoy life with family and friends and most importantly have loads of fun while doing all this.
I see you both and see myself and your daddy in both of you, but you are version 2.0 of us, better models, the versions I hope I would have been – more confident, focused and less OCD!
So Happy 13th Birthday GG & BB! I am so proud of you….Welcome to the best years of your life – your teens!
Love,
Mum
Sibling rivalry is a fact of life – ask any parent with more than one child and you will definitely hear episodes of sibling rivalry between their children. No parent would distinguish between their children or play favourites, but in spite of all this, there will be times when one child will accuse the parent of favouring the other instead of them. Bringing up twins is no different. From the time BB & GG were babies, we’ve been very scrupulous in making sure we make no distinction between the two. Even clothes, gifts, books and toys were brought for equal amounts. I used to be very particular that anything I brought for any of them had to be of almost equal cost, even if BB & GG were too young to know any better.
But, even when we were so particular about making sure they both didn’t fight much, we were unsuccessful there. GG was the more assertive one, growing up and BB used to give in to his sister most of the time.
From the time they were born, BB & GG have been compared, consciously or unconsciously, by everyone for every single thing they did – who turned first, who spoke the first word, who walked first, and so on and so forth! Even I used to subconsciously compare them in terms of milestones met, even when I didn’t consciously want to do it. When they went to kindergarten, in the initial months, they were in the same class and this continued even in school. Even after they were separated into different classes, both in pre-school as well as in primary school, teachers would try to compare their abilities, more because each was strong in a particular subject, which the other may be weak in. It was only when they reached secondary school and went to different schools (which was a tragedy initially and then turned into a blessing). In secondary school, GG has come out of her brother’s academic shadow and has blossomed, in both academics as well as in her CCA and has a leadership position in the school.
There are times when I tell them to something, for example, switch off their phone and do work, the immediate response would be “what about (the other person)? Has (BB/GG) switched off the phone? He/she is still using it”. It shows up at times when we tell them off for doing something wrong or when one is sulking while being scolded.
Stop being a referee. When the children are very young, you can referee them, so that fights do not get physical. But as they grow older, stop being the referee. Set rules about physical touching and then unless they are about to hurt themselves, let them resolve their differences on their own. As part of this, make sure they know the consequences of their actions. Fighting may and will lead to the withdrawal of privileges – especially when dealing with teens – take away things that matter to them, like phones and laptops.
These are some tips on how a parent can minimise sibling rivalry between their children. But at the end of the day, every child is unique, so use the tips that work for your child. Maybe one or more or even none work with them. If you have some other tips that work for your children, I’d love to hear about them in the comments section.
Perseverance: Keep going and always persevere in all you do. Failure is just a stepping stone to success. There are many stories everywhere of individuals who were not the most (insert adjective here), but that did not mean they gave up, instead they stove on and reach the goals they set out for themselves. When you fall, dust the dirt and move on.
Forgiveness: To forgive is divine! We’ve all heard this and this is true more than ever today. We meet so many people that make us mad, who in this dog-eat-dog world of today let us down. We carry grudges against them for years, making us mad, sad and hurt each time we think about them. Instead let’s forgive them and let it go! There are so many things which are worth thinking about, don’t create negativity in your lives by rethinking and overthinking negative thoughts.
Passion: If you love what you do, you never work a single day in your life. Most of us go through just working. Waiting for Friday evening and dreading Monday mornings. Instead try and find what you love doing – it could be anything in this world, or even something that no one has done before! Once you find your passion, you will strive towards excellence all by yourself and commit to 100 percent in that thing. You’ll be a winner before you know it!
Gratitude: Practice gratitude daily. Be grateful to your parents, your family and friends. Count your blessings and nurture them daily. Gratitude helps you nurture present relationships and cultivate future ones. Science has also proven that grateful people are more calm, less predisposed to illness, have increased self-esteem and sleep better. The best way to do this is to have a gratitude journal – before sleeping at night, write three things that you are grateful that day….
Memories and Such 