Tween/Teen Angst: An Episode

As BB & GG are completing a phase in life and moving on to Secondary school, this brings to my mind that they are not children anymore. They are on the brink of being teens, mini adults, complete with the tears and tantrums that go with it.

Last week on Friday, as we were celebrating being halfway down to the end of the PSLE exams, my helper told both of them that the day after their exams end, they need to start clearing their rooms and putting away books and toys. They should also go through unwanted books and toys and sort them into two piles – to throw and to donate. GG looked up and said she can’t do that as she is going for a movie with a friend. Well, this was news to me and I said so!

That started a flood of tears and shouts about how she is not a baby anymore and that I don’t allow her to go out on her own to see movies with her friends. Actually, that is not 100% true. I have allowed her to go out twice with her friends, once though with an adult present. But it’s this ‘new’ friend that I am a bit leery about. For some reason, based on the Whatsapp conversations I’ve seen between her and GG and the limited interactions I’ve had with that girl, my mind tingles and I feel something off-kilter! I’ve learnt to listen to my intuition and so decided to be firm here. My helper also said she didn’t like the girl and also that she felt something off….

After a lot of tantrums and crying, GG gave in when I explained my reasons. But she still is most probably going to get her way. She has now decided to go see a movie with two friends from Hindi school. I’ve told her, I need to see evidence of parental consent from both girls before I allow. Also I will send BB as well so that both can then come home together after the movie!

BB & GG have a list of movies they want to see – after this above movie, they have another movie this week with their tuiton teacher and one with us also!

Well, they’ve finished their big exams and deserve this bit of fun and games before they start a new life journey.

As a parent, I need to start adjusting to the fact that they are growing up and I need to loosen the apron strings —- a lot more than I am comfortable with 😦

Parenting Tweens: Stresses and Fears

GG & BB turn twelve this year and they have already started behaving like teens. They are growing so fast, both physically and mentally, it’s a challenge to keep up with them. BB has reached approximately 1.7 meters and GG is around 1.6 meters in height, GG wears a shoe size slightly smaller than me and BB has surpassed my shoe size! They have started looking more adult than children, where did my babies go?

With social media at their fingertips and knowledge a Google or Wikipedia page away, the breath of things these tweens know is precocious! They know far too much about things that they probably should not know, yet in the next breath, they are innocent babies! What contradictions they are….

This year, along with becoming twelve, they are having the most stressful year of their life till date. Nothing they have done till now has prepared them for the stress that is the Primary School Leaving Exam (PSLE)

One thing as parent I do know is that while they are not to be treated as babies, but as someone with a brain, at the end of the day, we are still their parents and know more about life and them than they do and the decisions we make with them for their future has been well thought out and is for their benefit. They are after-all still children and not yet grown-up adults. This is perhaps the Indian parent in me who comes to the fore in times like this, but I think I would know my child best.

This time of transition – from coddled and pampered children to young adults who need to start taking some responsibility for their lives – is a magical time for both children and parents, but only if we parent them right! As parents we can make our homes a safe haven for them as well as encourage them to speak to us about anything they want to without judging them. Listen to them, then give your two cents worth. If you have a good relationship with your children, I am sure they will listen to you and take heed of what you have to say.

Another thing I am very worried about is the dangers around us, especially that of sexual predators. This is especially since from next year, depending the school they go to, GG & BB will have to use public transport and travel a bit to get to school. I have started talking to them about people who like to prey on young children, but I am not sure if they have understood all the implications yet.

Speaking of which, this is also the age when children start getting curious about the opposite sex and may want to experiment. GG is a typical girl and a typical tween/teen, in that she’s in the extremely giggly stage and wants to watch and read about romance. I’ve told both of them that if they want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend, they should wait till they get to university when they can think this through, but I doubt, if the time comes, they will listen to me. Hormones will probably rule them at that time and all my advice will fly through the window! Hopefully, at that point, we will have a relationship where they still confide in me, we can always hope! BB at this point, is anti-girls, which should change anytime soon when his hormones kick in, though I’ll be happy for the hormones to wait another six months so we get through PSLE with minimum of fuss, I have my hands full with GG as it is, two full blown teens in the house is too much for anyone I’d guess!

Another thing that is often gets pushed down in the scale of priorities is adequate rest. For children between 7- 12 years, they need between 10-11 hours of sleep daily while for those between 12 to 18, this reduces to 8 – 9 hours per day. I’d say for someone in BB & GG’s age, they’d probably need around 9 – 10 hours of sleep daily. Sleep helps them battle stress in school as well as allow their growing bodies to get the growth it needs during sleep.

I now need to walk the talk as we countdown to the PSLE. As of today there are 58 days to the Oral Exams and 14 weeks to the written exams – panic mode on!!

School Holidays

It’s been a week since BB & GG’s mid-year school holidays have started. However, vaccations are not a whole lot different than regular school days for them. Since they didn’t do well (read very badly) in Hindi, I sit with them daily for an hour daily. This is in addition to my mother-in-law and her sister doing school subjects like maths and science with them. S usually drives them to their home which is a 10 minute drive in the morning when he leaves for work. Then once I am done with my chores in the morning, I walk down to pick them up. We’re planning a short trip later in June to a neighbouring country, that’s their only ‘holiday’!

Thinking of school holidays brings to mind the days we used to spend during our school holidays. Then, holidays literally meant that – freedom from school, from studies and the regular routines. The entire duration would be only for mauj and masti (enjoyment and fun).  We would play the whole day, with morning devoted to badminton and the hot afternoons to playing indoors or just gossiping, coming home just to eat and sometimes not even for that, preferring to eat at whichever friend’s home we were at that point. Then only after the evening games were done, would we really go home.

But children these days have so much expectations riding on them that holidays is really a myth. I see almost all the schools near my home having some activity or the other for the children, most of the activities seem to be in the morning, for around 4 hours.

Guess, I should not complain too much, cést la vie after all!

 

SA1 and PSLE

The first semester exams have just ended and the results are in. BB & GG have fallen a full band down in raw scores. I asked around and was told this happens. Apparently Primary 1 & 2 are supposed to be the easy years and then Primary 3 takes that up a big notch! But the results have resulted in both BB & GG (and a very angry mama) being very disappointed with their marks. So we’ve decided to come up with strategies to make sure this does not happen for the next exam. Even though their school is not one of the branded schools, but just a neighbourhood school which is not a neighbourhood school, the papers were set at a level just slightly above what was taught in school. In BB’s class, apparently 40% of the class failed in the Maths paper! But the school also has alternative assessment so those marks may increase scores for the children and that 40% may drop.

The past few days I have been reading about about what is possibly the most dreaded exams every Singaporean child will undergo – the PSLE (Primary School Leaving Exam). Children here take it at the end of their primary school education when they are about 12 years old and in Primary 6. Although BB & GG have another 3.5 years before they sit for the PSLE, what I read has made me really scared. This exam pretty much determines your future and to get admission in a good secondary school means you need a very good/decent score. Also the exams are apparently set at about a year to two years more advanced than what the children are taught in school and all this higher order thinking skills means that they need to start now! So operation PSLE will start from the school holidays this year. I need to get BB & GG to start reading books meant for teens now so that they will be reading adult literature when they reach P5/P6. This will help them in English. Now to source for resources for Maths, Science and Hindi.

Back Again!

I’ve been missing from this, my online diary for a while.

The biggest reason is that I am a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom). This was somthing I had been wanting to do for a while, but didn’t really follow through. I’ve been a SAHM for about 3 months now and life has taken a 360 degree turn. I was forced to leave my previous job (which I did with joy) because of issues with my domestic helper. I have sent her off and am maidless now.

It’s taken me this much time to sort out my head and so I’ll blog more often now. Hopefully have more recipes and also stories…..