Category Archives: Parenting

Dilemma of a mother

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Yesterday at work I got a call from GG. She sounded quite upset and asked me this question, “Mama why don’t we both spend more time together doing things?” I was quite set out by this question and the rest of the work day deteriorated. I spoke to her after I reached home and told her that when we go on our holiday (soon, very soon), we’ll do some mom-and-daughter stuff together like shopping and leave the boys at home

This morning when I woke up and checked my Facebook news feed, I saw that an old school friend had quit her job to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) since her daughter was giving the equivalent of what is the O Levels here in May 2012. She wanted to be with her and give her moral support.

Everyday, especially now that the holidays are on, both G & BB don’t want me to go to work. On Monday when I was at home nursing a cold, both of them were so happy to see me there with them the whole day that it literally broke my heart!

This is an issue I’ve been grappling with for the past year or so. On on hand I do want to be a SAHM and be there physically for my children, but on the other hand, without the intellectual stimulation that work gives me, I am worried that I will mentally atrophy. I think going to work gives me the much needed ‘me time’ I need without needing to be a mom 24/7 and getting called to settle any/all differences/fights (choose the word) at home. The income I earn is useful too, to ensure that we are able to give our children all the extras that we want.

On one hand, I do know that if my current position was as interesting as it was made out to be in the initial interviews, then maybe I would enjoy this a lot more. As it is, the project I was hired for has been moved to mid next year and so i do not have any ‘output’ to show. Also since I leave about 3 hours earlier, the impression I get is that I am not thought as part of the team and things are happening without my involvement. Aah well, the best thing for me to do is to either accept this or quit. I have about a month to think through this well and would have made my decision by the time I am back from my holiday!

In the meantime, here’s something that came on my Facebook newsfeed a couple of days back. It’s an ivillage article about being able to afford to stay at home and what you can do if that is what you want to do.

Money Money Money

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BB & GG have been saving their pocket money for about two school terms now. They get S$1 per recess daily. Most days since they’re back by 1:30 pm, they just get $1, but on days they have to stay back in school for either extra curricular activities or extra curriculum time, they get the additional dollar. GG saved much more than BB  who was more prone to spending his money in school.

On Saturday, we took them to the Popular store closest to our home as they both wanted to buy some books for their cousins. There, I witnessed, the power of savings! Now that they both had some money to spend as they wished, when it came to actually spending it, they thought multiple times. GG wanted to buy a Geranimo Stilton book for her cousin S who is about 6 years old. The book cost about $10. I then showed her an offer for a set of three Enid Blyton books which cost $12 and explained three of those books were almost equal to one of the one she had. I could actually see the ‘Ka-ching!” moment in her eyes when she tuned to me and said, “So if three of those  books are equal to one of these, I will take those and give S one book and keep two for myself!”

So now whenever they ask for anything, they think twice because they are scared all their money will get over!

I’m glad they learnt this lesson of life sooner than later….Now to build on these foundations…

Guilt Tripping

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School holidays started from today and this morning both GG and BB wanted me to stay home from work.

“Mama, we miss you a lot when there are holidays! I wish there was school today so I don’t get to be so bored”, this from BB with his big eyes looking soulfully at me.

I melted and almost decided to stay at home….just the thought that I do not have any more leave pushed me to work!

Really, really looking forward to our holiday next month…

Before I was a Mom

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This is also from my previous blog and here I write it’s from a yahoo group I used to be part of (no longer as I don’t have the time). Update: I found a link here and the link has some more updates on the original author

Before I was a MOM

Before I was a Mom
I made and ate hot meals.
I had unstained clothing.
I had quiet conversations on the phone.

Before I was a Mom
I slept as late as I wanted
And never worried about how late
I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.

Before I was a Mom,
I cleaned my house each day.
I never tripped over toys
or forgot words to lullabies.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn’t worry whether or not my
plants were poisonous.
I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never been pooped on,
Spit up on,
Chewed on,
Peed on,
Or pinched by tiny fingers.

Before I was a Mom,
I had complete control of myself;
My thoughts,
My body,
And my mind.
I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held down a screaming child
so that doctors could do tests or give shots.
I never looked into teary eyes and cried.
I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn’t
want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces
when I couldn’t stop the hurt.
I never knew something so small could affect my
life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.

Before I was a Mom,
I didn’t know the feeling of having my
heart outside my body.
I didn’t know how special it could feel
to feed a hungry baby.
I didn’t know that bond between a
Mother and her child.
I didn’t know that something so small
could make me feel so important.

Before I was a Mom,
I had never gotten up in the middle of
the night every ten minutes to make
sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth,
The joy,
The love,
The heartache,
The wonderfulment,
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.

I didn’t know I was capable of feeling so
much before I was a Mom.

And for anyone who’s not yet heard the mom song, here it is:

What Kind of a Parent am I?

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Ever since I started blogging here regularly, I’ve been reading a lot of blogs. This is good, because for me, reading sparks my writing.

I like to read parenting blogs a lot because hey, last time I looked, I am a parent! I’ve read a lot about helicopter parenting and this is something I am intrigued about, not so much as because I am one, but because I tend to move between being a helicopter parent and then on to the other spectrum of the scale.

So what exactly is a helicopter parent? It is one who hovers around their kid and who takes extreme interest in their activities. An extreme example could be someone who does not allow their child to take one breath without they or someone they trust making sure they are ok. We have many such examples here in Singapore and most parents here are what is locally called kiasu, the degree of kisauness varies.

BlogHer has a good blog about this, which is funny but at the same sad, very sad! Is that what our future’s are going to look like? I can already see BB & GG recoiling away in horror!

So what kind of a parent am I? Like I mentioned earlier, I tend to fluctuate between two extremes. I am very particular that BB & GG do well in their studies and tend to hover around them for that. I don’t really look at this as helicopter parenting (no, really, I don’t), but more of the fact that this world they live and will grow up in is extremely competitive and if they do want to have a good life in the future, education is the way to go. I am also very protective of them – I do not let them go down and play on their own without a responsible adult there or go anywhere out of sight of me or someone I trust, be it at home or outside. I am quite paranoid about the fact that you have many sexual predators lurking around you and unlike the States, we do not have such lists on line for parents to protect their children. So they have to be within sight of me at all times, especially when we are out of the house, except for the times they are in school or in some class.

On the other hand, I would like them to grow up a bit strong, so I am not too particular about a few germs here and there, I feel that a few germs will make you stronger and to me that is a good thing. I also prefer they fight their own battles and so will not interfere unless it degenerates into a fight.

So what kind of a parent are you? I’d love to hear from you, post your views in the comments section.