Category Archives: Teens

Outward Bound Singapore: A Parent’s Perspective

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Outward Bound Singapore’s story over the last 50 years

The weekend before last, I was privileged to be invited to Outward Bound Singapore at their Pulau Ubin Campus for a one day. This was part of MOE’s Secondary 3 Adventure Camp for which they had tied up with OBS.

We were one of the 10-12 schools whose Sec 3 children will be attending the camp in term 3 and 4 and were in the pilot programme, hence this open house to showcase to parents what the children will be doing during their five days there.

At this point in time, there will be a minimum of two schools at any point in time. OBS is still upgrading their facilities and when they get to full strength, they should be able to cater to almost 1000 students at any given time.

An example of a trail bike used mainly in cycling expeditions in Mainland Singapore

OBS divides their camps into what they call Blue Belt and Green Belt. Blue belt camps are mostly organised in Pulau Ubin and are more water based. Green belt camps are mostly done in mainland Singapore and may be a mixture of both land and sea camps. There is a possibility that some children may not even make it to Pulau Ubin if they are in a green belt camp and may complete all their expeditions in the mainland itself.

 

The children will be sorted into groups (or watches as they call it) of twelve each. Each group will be made as diverse as possible (in terms of gender, type of course and of course school) and they will learn to work with each other during the course of the five-day camp.

The ferry which dropped us to Pulau Ubin 

After sorting us into our groups and some warm-up exercises, we were led to the ferry which would take us to Pulau Ubin. Before we boarded the ferry, I was told by the instructor in my group that my status was that of an observer because of my diabetes. I did ask if this can change and was told it would be dependent on the resident medical nurse (I was unable to get it changed because they didn’t want to take any risks, so my post is based on what I saw, rather than what I did).

First look at Outward Bound Singapore, Pulau Ubin

The ferry used was a large and comfortable one and it took around 15 minutes to get to Pulau Ubin and the OBS jetty. Once there, we paired up with another group and did all our activities together. After a short talk on OBS and what they do, we were shown the tents the students will be sleeping in. They do not sleep in dormitories at all, and all nights will in tents which can cater to either 12 or 18 pax each. I actually thought the estimates to be overconfident and felt the tents could only take 8 or 12 max respectively.

Types of tents used

After some more games, we headed toward the sea for a short Kayaking stint. We were taught about how to use the kayak (or triayaks in this case) for a short time like using the oars, how to capsize, how to recover etc, followed by a 30-40 stint in the sea. When the children come in, they do get a four- five hour tutorial on how to use the kayaks before they set out on their expositions. Pro tips from the instructors included wearing long-sleeved shirts and pants and slathering sunscreen over every inch of exposed skin as well as having a spectacle band which goes over the head for those wearing glasses to protect them and the ban on contact lenses due to hygiene issues.

A key highlight of the sea expedition would be a kayaking expedition in which they will move from one point to another using the sea route. They will take anywhere between five to eight hours to complete the journey. They will eat and rest in the kayak itself and this will teach them to work with others and also depend on others for their well being.

 

An example of the Triayak

Another fun sea activity is a Jetty Jump, which is exactly what it seems. You jump from the jetty into the sea below and is something like a bungee jumping and trust fall exercise. There will be an instructor who will be waiting in the water below and so even if you are a non-swimmer, you are in safe hands! The instructors don’t force you to jump but told us when children come in, all of them end up jumping, even the fearful ones, because they get egged on by their group mates and also fear peer pressure!

 

 

 

Inverse Tower – High Element example

Another activity we did post lunch was a high element climb. The camps have multiple high element structures and so it’s not certain which one our children will do. What we did was called the Inverse Tower. It starts off as fairly easy and then gets harder as you get higher.

 

After this activity, we were taken on a tour of the main operations command centre which is the nerve centre of the operation at Ubin. We also spoke to the duty managers who assured us that there will be a manager 24/7 when camps are ongoing. We also went to the medical centre which is fairly well stocked. There will be a medical nurse stationed 24/7 on three shifts when children camp. They are authorised to dispense simple drugs for fevers, cold, diarrhoea etc. but if there is something serious, the patient will be evacuated to the mainland within 30 minutes and rushed to a hospital in the waiting ambulance at the Punggol Jetty.

 

A map of Pulau Ubin with the highlighted yellow points which are the campsites.

We were also shown the resources and supplies the children will be carrying as a team. Some supplies are personal which the children can eat at any point in time, and some are supplies with which they will cook their dinners.  Also, parents were asked not to send any food with the children as these will be confiscated. This is because there may be children in the group who may be allergic to an ingredient in the food and when this is highlighted, OBS will ensure that the whole group gets food and ingredients without the allergen. Vegetarians will also be taken care of in terms of supplies and food.

 

 

Supplies to be carried by the children. Supplies to the left are personal supplies and to the right are group supplies

Resources to be carried as a group. This includes a basic medical kit, cooking utensils, water bottles, a backpack etc.

The day ended with a sharing session within our groups and then a sharing session by MOE and OBS. They spoke about how outdoor learning is instituted by MOE to provide rich learning experiences outside the classroom and helps students to develop holistically, building up well-rounded individuals who are rugged and resilient.

 

 

Sample Five Day Course

MOE’s Outdoor Learning’s Objectives and Outcomes include being able to deal with challenges positively through self-directed learning and making right choices to influence their circumstances; build friendships with students from diverse socio-cultural backgrounds to achieve team goals in an inclusive manner; and commit to play an active role in the improvement of the community and environment.

 

As parents, we can do the below to help our children, pre and post-course.

Hope this was of use to any concerned parent who dropped in here because of this post. Do comment below and share any questions or comments you may have.

Parenting: When teens push your buttons

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By their very definition and age, teens tend to be self-centred and when they are in this phase, they tend to be rude and curt to people around them, including parents and this, in turn, makes people think, they are being disrespectful. But this a phase, which they outgrow once they become older and thus, more mature and learn to navigate the pitfalls of social conversations.

While I won’t say BB & GG are outright disrespectful, they do, at times, push as many buttons as they can, to see how much they can get away with. I looked and searched online for ideas I can implement at home to nip this in the bud and at the same time, teach them life skills.

We have to understand that this is happening to pretty much every child who enters the teenage years and so as parents and rational adults, we need to tackle this calmly without really reacting to their rude behaviour. They will try and push boundaries, it’s in their blood, but remember, we do not stoop to their level and react and act like them.

Focus on the behaviour and not on the person behaving and set clear rules on what constitutes good behaviour. Also, make sure your teen knows the consequences of bad behaviour and make sure you go through on those consequences when rules are broken.

Be a role model to your child, model the same behaviour you want to see in your child

Ignore mild forms of disrespect. It’s best to ignore mild forms of disrespect like rolling eyes, not replying to questions, shrugging shoulders etc. Ignoring such behaviour will let them know that you don’t give importance to such behaviour and hopefully, this kind of behaviour will peter off gradually.

Speak to them, often and even when they are uncommunicative. I always ask GG & BB how their day was and more often than not, the response I get is either, ‘the usual’ or ‘nothing much’. I don’t give up and sit and ask them in detail and with this try to open communication channels between us. It’s easier with GG (maybe because she is a girl) than BB, but I am not giving up and hope there will be a day when he is as much a chatty Kathy as GG is.

Hope these tips are useful for you when you are dealing with an uncommunicative and unresponsive teen. Do comment below on how you deal with your teen!

5 Traits I wish on my children…

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As you all know, it’s exam season now, with the last exam just a day away. I’ve been quite a naggy mom these days, especially since I am home all the time…

The other day I got to thinking about what advice I can give them that they can keep with them for the rest of their lives and I came up with a bunch of them. In no order, except in how I came up with them, here are some traits I hope BB & GG would internalise soon…

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Integrity: I believe this is one of the best traits for a person to have. If you have integrity in everything you do, are honest in dealing with people you come across daily, then you can sleep easy at night. Your name and reputation is the asset you carry for your whole life and when you are honest, your name lives unblemished.

2861e2ePerseverance: Keep going and always persevere in all you do. Failure is just a stepping stone to success. There are many stories everywhere of individuals who were not the most (insert adjective here), but that did not mean they gave up, instead they stove on and reach the goals they set out for themselves. When you fall, dust the dirt and move on.

9ab18aa88e858e60360091f17dd28bb4Forgiveness: To forgive is divine! We’ve all heard this and this is true more than ever today. We meet so many people that make us mad, who in this dog-eat-dog world of today let us down. We carry grudges against them for years, making us mad, sad and hurt each time we think about them. Instead let’s forgive them and let it go! There are so many things which are worth thinking about, don’t create negativity in your lives by rethinking and overthinking negative thoughts.

0714f5ef33771aa46cc22b62e00b8c61Passion: If you love what you do, you never work a single day in your life. Most of us go through just working. Waiting for Friday evening and dreading Monday mornings. Instead try and find what you love doing – it could be anything in this world, or even something that no one has done before! Once you find your passion, you will strive towards excellence all by yourself and commit to 100 percent in that thing. You’ll be a winner before you know it!

quotes-lifeclass-gratitude-deepak-chopra-949x534Gratitude: Practice gratitude daily. Be grateful to your parents, your family and friends. Count your blessings and nurture them daily. Gratitude helps you nurture present relationships and cultivate future ones. Science has also proven that grateful people are more calm, less predisposed to illness, have increased self-esteem and sleep better. The best way to do this is to have a gratitude journal – before sleeping at night, write three things that you are grateful that day….

 

Empathy: Walking in others shoes

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“Don’t judge a man before you have walked a mile in his shoes”

This ancient Cherokee saying nails what empathy is all about in today’s world!

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Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

In today’s dog-eat-dog world, where success has to be seized by any means, fair or foul, having empathy to your fellow beings is becoming increasingly rare. Especially when it comes to teens today. Any normal teen is sullen, selfish and only looks to self-gratification. Add the push from parents to succeed at any cost and be a step in front of your peers, makes them lack this very important trait. This is also the reason that bullying cases are at an all-time high!

A couple of weeks back, in one of the children’s school parent group chats, one of the parents had posted that her niece, also in Secondary 1 had run away from home and school! Luckily she was found a day later and safe, but when probed to the reason for running away, she cited bullying as the main reason. After that, pretty everyone, including yours truly had bullying episodes to share. Both BB & GG were bullied in primary school, for very different reasons which I don’t want to share now, but from what I understood it has now become so common that it’s almost like a rite of passage!

But why are we raising children who don’t know how to relate to their peers? Why can’t children today ‘walk in their friend’s shoes’ and understand them? Once this happens, this will reduce bullying to a large extent, in my opinion, as most bullies are those who are probably threatened by the thought of someone or something which represents the person and so they bully them before they can be bullied, or so they think!

Teens who don’t know how to be emphatic tend to be more self-absorbed and less caring towards, not only others, but also towards themselves. So they tend to base life and it’s experiences on the the theme of ‘Whats in it for me?” So excelling in any field, academics or sports or other pursuits is not because they want to, but because they gain something out of it, maybe recognition within the community or awards or just because they want to please their parents. I’ve seen so many cases where children join courses only because their parents told them to or because it is was a prestigious one. A few years after completing the course, they are off doing something completely different! And when such children fail, as life is wont to do, they become miserable and some even take extreme steps!

Teens, who are emphatic, on the other hand, are better at dealing with failure because they see it not a failure against themselves, but more as a learning journey and learn from the process, which stand in good stead for them as they move on in life.

So what do we do with our teens who are probably not as emphatic as we’d like them to be? There are many websites which have excellent tips on how to teach empathy. I’ve summarized a few here:

Allow the child to grow emotionally: As a parent, we love our children, but do we show it to them? Make children very secure about their home environment and let them be very secure in their parents and caregiver’s love and support. When they are secure, they are more disposed to be being caring about others and are sensitive to others’ needs.

Teach children to be resilient: Let them learn from mistakes and allow them to bounce back from distress. As parents, we want to cushion our children against all distress and so we don’t allow them to be pained. Let them be resilient and learn about the realities of life, this will allow them to learn of the others, who may not be as fortunate as they are and so learn to empathise with them.

Model emphatic behavior: A parent is the first teacher in a child’s life and most children model their behavior on what they see their parents, grandparents and caregivers do each day. When the adults in their lives live a life which has empathy for others, it becomes automatic behavior for the child.

Teach always: Every day, every moment is a teaching moment for a parent. So during the child’s daily life, when situations occur, the parent should use it as a teaching moment and teach and allow the child a chance to learn what is good and bad. This also means the parent needs to talk to the child, at his level to get him to understand what is right and what is wrong.

Walk a mile in the other’s shoes: Allow the child or teen to volunteer as often as possible so that they can ‘walk a mile in the other’s shoe’ and try and see the other side of the fence. This way, behavior is humanized and more real to the child, which allows them to open their eyes to the circumstances of others, often which is not in their hands and allows them to respond with empathy to others.

The above are some ways a parent can teach empathy to their child/teen. A wonderful sentence I read while reading about empathy sums up this topic beautifully.

Teaching your child/ teen empathy is like turning their “mirrors” into “windows”. A mirror symbolizes self-centredness, where the child/teen sees only themselves and care only for their own feelings. Windows symbolize empathy, where the child/teen is able to look beyond their own needs and put themselves in another person’s position.