Weaponised Incompetence: The Art of Avoidance

Posted on December 17, 2025 by memoriesandsuch

Incompetence, at its core, refers to the inability to perform tasks effectively due to a lack of skill, knowledge, or aptitude. While genuine incompetence stems from legitimate shortcomings, weaponised incompetence is a manipulative behavior where individuals feign inability to avoid responsibility or shift burdens onto others. This tactic can lead to frustration, resentment, and imbalances in relationships and workplaces.

Incompetence is broadly defined as the inability to perform tasks or fulfill responsibilities effectively. It manifests in various forms across different domains: Administrative incompetence refers to dysfunctional behaviours that hinder organisational goals, while legal incompetence is the inability of individuals to make decisions due to mental impairment, and military incompetence is the failures in judgment or execution within military operations. Social ineptitude is the struggle with interpersonal skills or social interactions. Incompetence may arise from a lack of training, experience, or aptitude. However, when incompetence is intentionally feigned for personal gain or avoidance of responsibility, it becomes weaponised.

What is weaponised incompetence? Weaponised incompetence, also known as strategic incompetence, involves pretending to be incapable of performing tasks or intentionally doing them poorly to evade responsibility. This behavior often results in others taking over the task to ensure it is completed properly.

Key characteristics of weaponised incompetence include intentional underperformance, where one deliberately does tasks poorly or claims ignorance; manipulation, which is the shifting of responsibilities onto others through feigned inability; and imbalance, which creates unequal dynamics where one person bears an unfair workload.

Examples of weaponised incompetence include a partner consistently claiming they are “bad” at household chores like laundry or cooking, forcing the other person to take over, or a coworker who avoids group responsibilities by showing up unprepared or delegating their tasks under the guise of incompetence.

Why do people weaponise incompetence? Weaponised incompetence is often driven by psychological motives and personal dynamics. Understanding these underlying factors can help address the behaviour effectively.

Psychological motives include a desire for control whereby by feigning incompetence, individuals manipulate others into taking over tasks, maintaining control over how responsibilities are distributed. There is also a fear of failure where some people avoid tasks due to anxiety about performing poorly or being exposed as inadequate. Some individuals also need validation by creating dependency through perceived incompetence that ensures others seek their assistance, feeding their need for attention and affirmation.

In situational factors, when responsibility is avoided, weaponised incompetence allows individuals to shirk unpleasant tasks while ensuring they are completed by someone else. Power dynamics also play a role, as weaponised incompetence can reinforce existing imbalances in relationships or workplaces with unequal power structures.

Weaponised incompetence can have far-reaching consequences in personal relationships and professional settings. In relationships, romantic partnerships, or family dynamics, weaponised incompetence leads to emotional distress and resentment. Over time, it undermines trust and respect between partners. For example, one partner consistently avoids shared responsibilities like childcare or household chores, and the other partner feels burdened by the disproportionate workload.

Weaponised incompetence disrupts teamwork and productivity in workplaces and professional environments. It often manifests as poor contributions to group projects, delegating tasks under pretenses, and consistently underperforming while expecting others to compensate. These behaviours create frustration among colleagues and may hinder career growth for those forced to pick up the slack.

So, what are the strategies for addressing weaponised incompetence? When faced with weaponised incompetence, individuals can employ various strategies tailored to their specific situations. General approaches include recognising the manipulation by identifying patterns of feigned incompetence and acknowledging its impact on workload or emotional well-being. They also include setting boundaries, clearly defining expectations, and refusing to take over responsibilities unnecessarily. Finally, they can communicate effectively by using “I” statements to express feelings and encourage constructive dialogues about sharing tasks equitably.

In personal relationships, addressing weaponised incompetence in relationships requires patience and open communication. Frame conversations around teamwork, and instead of blaming your partner, discuss how both parties can contribute equally and highlight the importance of shared responsibilities for a healthy relationship. Offer support without enabling, and if your partner genuinely struggles with certain tasks, offer guidance or teach them how to improve. Avoid stepping in every time they underperform; let them face the consequences of their actions. If weaponised incompetence persists despite efforts to address it, consider counseling or therapy as a neutral space for resolving conflicts.

In workplaces, dealing with weaponised incompetence at work requires assertiveness and collaboration. Document patterns and keep records of instances where coworkers feign inability or fail to contribute effectively. Use this documentation when addressing the issue with supervisors or HR. Delegate tasks strategically and assign responsibilities clearly, and ensure accountability for completion. Avoid taking over tasks unless necessary. Foster a culture of accountability by encouraging teamwork by emphasising shared goals and mutual respect and advocating for policies that reward effort and penalise consistent underperformance.

When dealing with weaponized incompetence, prioritise your mental health. Practice mindfulness to manage frustration, seek support from friends or colleagues who understand your situation, and focus on maintaining balance in your own responsibilities without overextending yourself.

Weaponised incompetence is a subtle yet impactful form of manipulation that can strain relationships and hinder productivity in workplaces. By understanding its motivations and effects, individuals can develop strategies to address this behaviour effectively. Tackling weaponised incompetence requires patience and assertiveness, whether through boundary-setting, communication, or professional intervention. Ultimately, fostering personal and professional environments that value accountability and teamwork can mitigate the prevalence of this manipulative tactic. Recognising the signs early on empowers individuals to protect their well-being while promoting fairness in shared responsibilities.

Adulting 101: How to Build a Professional Wardrobe on a Budget

Posted on November 10, 2025 by memoriesandsuch

As young adults enter the workforce, one of the first challenges they often face is creating a professional wardrobe that aligns with workplace expectations and fosters confidence, all without breaking the bank. Whether you’re starting your first job, attending interviews, or aiming to present yourself more professionally, the key is striking the right balance between quality and affordability.

Your wardrobe is a reflection of your professionalism, confidence, and readiness for the workplace. Your appearance creates the first impression in interviews, meetings, and daily workplace interactions. A polished and professional wardrobe signals competence and attention to detail. Dressing professionally can enhance your self-esteem, making you feel more confident and capable in professional settings. Many organisations have dress codes, whether formal, business casual, or creative casual. A professional wardrobe helps you align with the workplace environment. Your wardrobe is an investment in your career and personal brand. The way you present yourself can impact how colleagues and supervisors perceive your abilities.

Before building your wardrobe, it’s important to understand your workplace dress code. Formal business attire includes suits, dress shirts, ties, and polished shoes. Typically required in industries like law, finance, or corporate roles. Business casual is a mix of dressy and casual items like button-down shirts, chinos, skirts, blouses, and loafers. Common in tech, marketing, and education sectors. Creative casual attire allows for greater individuality and creative expression. Think neat jeans, casual blazers, dresses, and stylish shoes. Often found in creative industries like design, media, or startups. Some workplaces, like healthcare and hospitality, may require uniforms, reducing the need for extensive personal wardrobe building. Knowing your employer’s dress code ensures your purchases align with expectations while saving you from buying unnecessary items.

A professional wardrobe doesn’t need to be extensive. Start with versatile staples that can be mixed and matched to create multiple outfits.

For women, with tops, staples include button-down shirts in classic white or pastel colours for formal wear, blouses that are feminine and polished options suitable for business casual as well, and neutral sweaters, which are great for layering in colder months. Good options for bottoms can include tailored trousers, which can be paired with blouses or button-downs for a professional look; pencil or midi skirts, which are stylish yet workplace-appropriate options; and dark jeans for creative, casual workplaces. Shift dresses or wrap dresses are comfortable, versatile, and professional. If your climate calls for outerwear, a structured blazer instantly elevates any outfit, while cardigans are softer alternatives for layering. Coming to shoes, flats or loafers are comfortable and polished choices for daily wear while neutral heels with 2-3 inch heels give a professional touch.

For men, dress shirts in white, blue, and pale-coloured shirts work with any suit, and polo shirts are perfect for business casual days. Sweaters in neutral options are good for layering over shirts in colder months. For bottoms, tailored pants in black, navy, or grey are perfect, while chinos are versatile, casual, yet professional. Dark jeans are suitable for creative workplaces. For outerwear, blazers are a must-have for formal and business casual settings, while bomber jackets or cardigans are casual alternatives for layering. On to shoes, Oxford or Derby shoes are perfect for formal business attire, while loafers are great for business casual.

A capsule wardrobe is a collection of essential clothing items that are versatile and timeless. It reduces clutter, makes outfit planning simpler, and helps save money. To build a capsule wardrobe, choose neutral colours and focus on black, navy, gray, beige, and white, as they pair easily with other items. Select multi-functional pieces and prioritise items that can transition from formal to casual settings. Stick to high-quality basics and invest in durable clothing items that withstand wear and tear.

Shop smart. Building a professional wardrobe on a budget requires strategic shopping. Before heading to the store, take inventory of your current wardrobe. Identify items that can be repurposed for workplace outfits. Shop at thrift stores, as thrift stores often carry high-quality professional clothing at significantly reduced prices. Look for timeless pieces like blazers, dress shirts, and trousers. Take advantage of sales and watch for seasonal sales, such as end-of-season or Black Friday, to purchase high-quality items at discounted rates. Buy second-hand online from platforms like Poshmark, Depop, or eBay that offer gently used professional clothing at affordable prices. Invest in quality for key items and spend more on staples like a blazer or dress shoes, as these items are worn frequently and need to last longer. Save money on less frequently used items like accessories. Seek affordable brands and explore budget-friendly brands that offer professional attire.

Maximise your wardrobe by mixing and matching items to create multiple outfits. As an example, for women, pair a pencil skirt with a blouse for formal meetings. Then swap the skirt for tailored trousers and layer a cardigan for business casual. For men, pair navy dress pants with a white shirt and blazer for a presentation. Remove the blazer and add a sweater for a more informal look.

Maintain your wardrobe, as proper care ensures your wardrobe lasts longer. Launder carefully and follow washing instructions to avoid damage or shrinkage. Use delicate cycles for dress shirts or blouses. Invest in repairs. Fix loose buttons, replace worn soles, or tailor items that don’t fit perfectly. Rotate clothing and avoid wearing the same items repeatedly. Rotating clothing prevents excessive wear.

Some additional tips for budget-friendly wardrobe building.

Focus on fit: Ill-fitting clothes can ruin a professional look. Invest in tailoring for a polished appearance.
Keep it minimal: Stick to essentials rather than purchasing trendy items that will quickly go out of style.
Build slowly: There’s no need to buy everything at once. Gradually build your wardrobe by adding new pieces as needed.
Accessorise wisely: Accessories like ties, watches, scarves, or necklaces can elevate outfits without significant expense.
Swap with friends: Organise clothing swaps with friends or colleagues to refresh your wardrobe without spending money.

Common mistakes to avoid

Overbuying: Buying too many items can lead to clutter and waste. Focus on versatile staples.
Ignoring quality: Cheap items can wear out quickly. Invest in durable fabrics for frequently worn garments.
Prioritising trends over timeless pieces: Trending styles may not align with professional expectations. Stick to classic designs.
Forget comfort: Professional clothing should be comfortable, especially for long workdays. Avoid tight or overly restrictive items.

Building a professional wardrobe on a budget is entirely achievable with thoughtful planning and strategic decision-making. By focusing on essentials, shopping smart, and maintaining your clothing properly, you can create a polished and versatile wardrobe that aligns with workplace expectations while saving money.

Remember that your wardrobe is an investment in your personal and professional growth. It reflects your confidence, competence, and commitment to presenting your best self. With these tips, you’ll be able to navigate your career with style and assurance while staying financially savvy.

Adulting 101: Navigating the Job Market – Resume Writing, Interviews, and Networking

Posted on September 17, 2025 by memoriesandsuch

The job market can be intimidating, especially for young adults entering the workforce for the first time. Whether fresh out of university or looking for a new role, knowing how to craft a standout resume, ace interviews, and network effectively are critical skills for landing the right job.

Why is navigating the job market important? Entering the job market can be overwhelming, but it’s also an opportunity for growth, exploration, and building your dream career. Here’s why mastering the process is vital. Understanding what employers look for and presenting yourself effectively can set you apart from other candidates. Securing the right job opens doors to new opportunities, mentorships, and long-term career development. Navigating the job market successfully helps you gain confidence in your abilities and value as a professional. Equipped with the right skills, you can make the transition into the workforce more manageable and rewarding. Let’s start by focusing on the first element: creating a powerful resume.

Part 1: Resume Writing – Crafting a Standout Application
Your resume is your first point of contact with potential employers. It’s a snapshot of your professional story that showcases your skills, accomplishments, and experiences. Here’s how to craft a winning resume:

The purpose of a resume: The resume’s purpose is to summarise your qualifications and convince hiring managers to invite you for an interview. It should be tailored to highlight the skills and experiences that are relevant to the specific role you’re applying for.
Key components of a resume: A well-structured resume typically includes contact information like name, phone number, email address, and LinkedIn profile. Ensure your email is professional. It should also include a brief overview of your qualifications and career goals. Highlight relevant technical and soft skills that align with the job description. List your work experience in reverse chronological order, focusing on accomplishments rather than duties. Mention your degrees, institutions, and graduation dates and include any certifications, awards, or recognitions that boost your credibility for the role.
Resume writing tips: Follow these tips for a polished and impactful resume. Customise your resume for each job application by emphasising skills and experience relevant to the role. Start bullet points with strong action verbs like “implemented,” “led,” “optimised,” or “achieved.” Use numbers to quantify achievements (e.g., “Improved sales by 20%” or “Managed a team of 5”). Limit your resume to one page unless you have extensive experience. Check for spelling or grammar mistakes. Errors can make a bad impression.
Avoid common resume mistakes: Be mindful of these pitfalls: Avoid cluttering your resume with irrelevant details. Focus on what’s important. Use a clean, professional layout with clearly labeled sections. Replace vague objectives with a professional summary showcasing your value.

Part 2: Interview Preparation – How to Shine in the Spotlight
Securing an interview means that your resume has done its job. Now, it’s time to shine in person (or virtually) by showcasing your skills, personality, and enthusiasm for the role.

Types of job interviews: Understanding the types of interviews can help you prepare better. Traditional interviews are one-on-one conversations with hiring managers, while in panel interviews, multiple interviewers ask questions in a formal setting. Behavioural interviews focus on past experiences and how you’ve handled specific situations. Virtual interviews are conducted via video platforms like Zoom or Teams, while group interviews involve interaction with other candidates and assessing your teamwork skills.
Preparing for the interview: Preparation is the key to interview success. Study the company and research its mission, values, products, and services to familiarise yourself with the industry and competitors. Understand the role. analyse the job description to identify key responsibilities and required qualifications, and prepare to discuss how your skills align with the role. Practice common interview questions, including “tell me about yourself”, “what are your strengths and weaknesses”, “why do you want to work here”, and “describe a challenge you’ve faced and how you overcame it.”
Prepare STAR responses: Use the STAR method when answering behavioral questions. S stands for Situation, where you describe the context of the example. T stands for Task, where you explain the goal or challenge. A stands for Action, which details the steps you took to address the situation. R stands for Result, or the outcome and what you learned. Dress professionally and choose attire appropriate for the company culture (business formal or smart casual). Avoid noisy jewelry or overly casual clothing. Practice mock interviews and practice interviews with friends or mentors to refine your answers and boost your confidence.
Performing well during the interview: Make a lasting impression by showcasing professionalism and enthusiasm. Arrive on time. If it’s virtual, test your tech setup and video connection beforehand. For in-person interviews, arrive early. Be engaged and actively listen to questions and respond thoughtfully.
Highlight your value and focus on how you can contribute to the company rather than just describing your skills. Ask questions and prepare thoughtful questions about the role or company to show genuine interest. Express gratitude and thank the interviewer for their time and opportunity.

Part 3: Networking – Building and Leveraging Connections
Networking is one of the most powerful tools for career advancement. Building professional relationships and tapping into your network can lead to job opportunities, mentorships, and collaboration.

Networking is crucial for several reasons. Many jobs are not publicly listed but filled through referrals. Networking allows you to learn about industries, roles, and companies from experienced professionals. Consistently connecting with others helps you establish your reputation in your field.

Networking doesn’t mean randomly handing out business cards. It’s about building meaningful connections. Start with your existing network and inform friends and family about your career goals; they may have valuable connections. Reach out to former professors or alumni networks for advice and introductions. Attend conferences, workshops, or seminars in your field. Participate in job fairs to connect with recruiters and learn about opportunities.

Leverage online platforms like LinkedIn by optimising your profile and engaging with professionals by commenting on posts, joining groups, and messaging connections. Build connections at work by connecting with colleagues and building relationships with coworkers by collaborating effectively and supporting team efforts. Seek mentorship by finding experienced colleagues who can share insights and guidance. Practice professional communication and be genuine when networking authentically rather than self-promotion. Follow up and send thank-you emails or messages after meetings or introductions.

Introverted individuals can excel at networking by leveraging their strengths. Focus on one-on-one interactions rather than large groups, and prepare talking points to ease conversations. Use written communication (emails or LinkedIn messages) to connect thoughtfully.

Putting It All Together
Navigating the job market takes effort, strategy, and resilience. By mastering the three pillars—resume writing, interviews, and networking—you can position yourself for success. Here’s how to integrate these strategies:

Build a strong foundation by crafting a polished resume and tailoring it for each job application.
Prepare for opportunities and practice for interviews thoroughly to showcase your skills confidently.
Cultivate relationships and dedicate time to build a network that supports your career goals.
Stay persistent because rejections are inevitable in any job search, but persistence is key. Learn from setbacks and keep improving.

Navigating the job market as a young adult is a vital step in personal and professional growth. By focusing on writing a standout resume, preparing thoroughly for interviews, and building a strong network, you can create the foundation for a successful career. Remember, each step in your journey is an opportunity to learn, connect, and grow. With dedication and the strategies outlined here, you’ll be ready to tackle the job market and achieve your goals!

In My Hands Today…

Posted on March 29, 2025 by memoriesandsuch

Making Relationships Work at Work: A toolkit for getting more done with less stress – Richard Fox, Anneliese Guerin-Letendre

Nowadays, work is all about relationships

Getting things done depends on getting along. And when relationships are difficult, it’s not just our work that suffers: it’s often our health and wellbeing too.

Making Relationships Work at Work is the first book to cover comprehensively all the main components of building and maintaining great relationships at work.
Based on 50 years’ experience of working with a wide variety of organisations, teams and individuals and packed with practical strategies, tips and tools for making work relationships work better, it will not only help you to become more effective with less stress, but also to enjoy your working life more.

Richard Fox is a partner in The Learning Corporation, a pan-European firm of leadership coaches, facilitators and business mentors. He is a PCC credentialed coach with the International Coach Federation, a Master NLP practitioner and a member of the International Association for Coaching. He helped create The Learning Corporation after a successful period as a partner with KPMG, having played a leading role with them in setting up an office and developing a thriving client base. As a leadership coach Richard helps leaders and managers create and sustain an environment in which people can express themselves, optimise their potential and do their best work.

He is an experienced business mentor, facilitator and coach with specialist skills in the key areas of developing people in line with strategy; collaborative working, talent development, building strategic alliances, partnerships and structured networks. As a master facilitator, Richard works with organisations facilitating workshops on e.g. personal effectiveness, building networking capability, visioning, strategic thinking, managing change, leadership, coaching and mentoring, organisational learning, team working, creativity and innovation.