Random Musings

For a while now, I have been drawn to this shloka from the Mahabharat. What it means is that “You have the right to perform your actions, but you are not entitled to the fruits of the actions. Do not let the fruit be the purpose of your actions, and therefore you won’t be attached to not doing your duty”. So basically what it says is that a person should do what is it that they are supposed to be doing, but with no expectations from their deeds.

I am so drawn to this that I actually printed it out, along with the meaning in English and pasted it in my workspace – so that I am reminded of this every single minute and just do the work I am supposed to be doing, with no expectations. So no expecatations = no disappointments right?

Wish we could mute some people!

When you work with someone eight hours plus everyday five days a week, you get to learn quite a bit about that person!

Some people immediately connect with you and you become friends at the snap of a finger and some people, for reasons probably unknown to you, except at a very subconscious level, you just can’t seem to be in the same room with without getting irritated with something they say or do.

There was this person J who worked with me a few years back who was someone like that. He walked into a cushy job with hardly any talent, actually I am wrong; he did have the talent to schmooze with the boss and since he used to help the boss with a lot of personal things (read ferrying him home and to the office, using his personal time to do the boss’ personal work), you get the drift right?….

Anyway, this person used to bulldoze people and get them to do work and take complete credit for it.

This story is about one such incident, which at that time made me mad, but now in retrospect, makes me laugh!

At that time, the management committee wanted to hire a deputy for ‘the boss’, but the boss didn’t want anyone but him to be the alpha male of the pack. He didn’t have much choice, so he reluctantly advertised for the position. When the applications started coming in, he sent the whole bunch over to me to short-list, which I did. Then interview invites were sent to some 7-8 of my top picks and the big day arrived! Since I was responsible for shortlisting people, I was asked to join the boss and two other senior persons for the interview. J could not take this lightly, since he saw that as diminishing his status, so he got himself also invited to the interviews. Another colleague, who was in the same position as me and J (experience, qualification etc.) rounded up the number as she could not be ignored too.

So we are six people in the room, of which four are technically people who could be reporting to the successful candidate. The interviews start and by the second interview I realized one thing – every question I asked the previous candidate was now posed hurriedly by J to the next candidate. The first time he did it, I thought it was a coincidence, the second time I noted it, I got irritated and by the third candidate, it became funny! Then it became a game with me to ask the most candidate-specific question I could ask (which was easy for me since I had reviewed their resumes before short listing them) so that J could ask them the next time round.

And it was funny the way J would ask the question quickly (the first or the second) before I was able to do so, so it that I could not reuse my own questions…

The shocker was that at the end of this whole pointless exercise, ‘the boss’ was quick to appreciate his protégé with the insightful questions he asked.

It was puke or laugh hysterically there and then! I took the cowards way and excused myself to run to the washroom where I could laugh and rant simultaneously

I finally did i…

Aside

I finally did it! After months of agonising over it, I took a huge – and I mean a really HUGE leap of faith and did it on Monday. What did I just do? Well, I resigned from my current employer without having a new one all lined up. This is the first time in my career that I’ve done this. And it seems not a moment too soon. My domestic helper who returned back from her holiday after unexpectedly getting married has been giving me so many problems. Today she crossed all limits. She likes to dish out insults to me all the time, but will not take anything. So I’ve decided to terminate her services and send her back to let her transfer to another employer.

So now I’ve to review what I want to do in life plus search a new helper. Wish me luck…

Dilemma of a mother

Yesterday at work I got a call from GG. She sounded quite upset and asked me this question, “Mama why don’t we both spend more time together doing things?” I was quite set out by this question and the rest of the work day deteriorated. I spoke to her after I reached home and told her that when we go on our holiday (soon, very soon), we’ll do some mom-and-daughter stuff together like shopping and leave the boys at home

This morning when I woke up and checked my Facebook news feed, I saw that an old school friend had quit her job to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) since her daughter was giving the equivalent of what is the O Levels here in May 2012. She wanted to be with her and give her moral support.

Everyday, especially now that the holidays are on, both G & BB don’t want me to go to work. On Monday when I was at home nursing a cold, both of them were so happy to see me there with them the whole day that it literally broke my heart!

This is an issue I’ve been grappling with for the past year or so. On on hand I do want to be a SAHM and be there physically for my children, but on the other hand, without the intellectual stimulation that work gives me, I am worried that I will mentally atrophy. I think going to work gives me the much needed ‘me time’ I need without needing to be a mom 24/7 and getting called to settle any/all differences/fights (choose the word) at home. The income I earn is useful too, to ensure that we are able to give our children all the extras that we want.

On one hand, I do know that if my current position was as interesting as it was made out to be in the initial interviews, then maybe I would enjoy this a lot more. As it is, the project I was hired for has been moved to mid next year and so i do not have any ‘output’ to show. Also since I leave about 3 hours earlier, the impression I get is that I am not thought as part of the team and things are happening without my involvement. Aah well, the best thing for me to do is to either accept this or quit. I have about a month to think through this well and would have made my decision by the time I am back from my holiday!

In the meantime, here’s something that came on my Facebook newsfeed a couple of days back. It’s an ivillage article about being able to afford to stay at home and what you can do if that is what you want to do.

Feeling sorry for myself…

I am in a very funky kind of mood today. This post is a semi rant cum self indulgence one!

The job I am with is not working out. I am not fond of the industry and want to go back to academia, which is where I feel I belong. Also I work on a flexible arrangement here, this was an experiment I wanted to do since I wanted to be there for BB & GG. But here, atleast, this experiment is not working.

Since I leave about 3 hours before the others, there are always things that I am unaware of, which people forget to update me when I get in the next day. I keep having this feeling of being in an island all alone. This is not very good for my morale.

The project I was hired for, has, for some reason not taken off. It has now been postponed to mid 2012, so I also have the feeling that my confirmation which would come in early January would be affected as I do not have anything concrete to show for the last six months, just preparations which went nowhere.

Last, this organisation is going to shift – no idea when though, but each time I ask, it is sometime by the end of the year – to the absolute other end of the country/island. Currently it takes me between 45 to 60 minutes to get to work and getting home takes around the same time, but I only need to take one straight bus and so most afternoons, I get on the bus and sleep till it’s time to get off. At the new place, I will need to change three different buses which will take me approximately 90 minutes to get to work and home (this is assuming there are no traffic snarls at any point in the journey). I will be spending 3 hours in the road and 6 hours at work – making it a 9 hour day altogether.

Is this worth it? When I joined here, I had great ideas and thougths, but the reality is way different. There’s been so much staff turnover, both before I joined and during the last 4 months, two people have left. When asked, the management talks about a ‘lack of fit’ for the reason why people leave. But I wanted to ask them, if there is an issue about the fit, then why hire the wrong kind of people? It’s either you don’t know what you are doing when you hire people, or that you give potential employees a completely distorted view of the organisation which makes the ‘fit’ questionable.

Well, I need to start searching for a new job pronto! What I would like in an ideal world would be to search, interview and accept a new position this month (aka November) and then serve my two weeks notice in the first half of December and finish my last day before I go on holiday and start a new place in the new year. What do you think? Will that happen? I want to do something that interests me and makes me excited to wake up on Monday morning, raring to get to work, instead of waking up on Monday and wishing it was Friday already 😦

If someone above listening to me, please, please help!! Also if God, you are listening or reading this, I wouldn’t mind winning some serious money in Toto or 4D, so that for the next few years, I can give up work and concentrate on BB & GG and do what interests me…

A picture to cheer me up! But does it? Let's wait and watch...