Category Archives: Work

Dilemma of a mother

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Yesterday at work I got a call from GG. She sounded quite upset and asked me this question, “Mama why don’t we both spend more time together doing things?” I was quite set out by this question and the rest of the work day deteriorated. I spoke to her after I reached home and told her that when we go on our holiday (soon, very soon), we’ll do some mom-and-daughter stuff together like shopping and leave the boys at home

This morning when I woke up and checked my Facebook news feed, I saw that an old school friend had quit her job to be a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) since her daughter was giving the equivalent of what is the O Levels here in May 2012. She wanted to be with her and give her moral support.

Everyday, especially now that the holidays are on, both G & BB don’t want me to go to work. On Monday when I was at home nursing a cold, both of them were so happy to see me there with them the whole day that it literally broke my heart!

This is an issue I’ve been grappling with for the past year or so. On on hand I do want to be a SAHM and be there physically for my children, but on the other hand, without the intellectual stimulation that work gives me, I am worried that I will mentally atrophy. I think going to work gives me the much needed ‘me time’ I need without needing to be a mom 24/7 and getting called to settle any/all differences/fights (choose the word) at home. The income I earn is useful too, to ensure that we are able to give our children all the extras that we want.

On one hand, I do know that if my current position was as interesting as it was made out to be in the initial interviews, then maybe I would enjoy this a lot more. As it is, the project I was hired for has been moved to mid next year and so i do not have any ‘output’ to show. Also since I leave about 3 hours earlier, the impression I get is that I am not thought as part of the team and things are happening without my involvement. Aah well, the best thing for me to do is to either accept this or quit. I have about a month to think through this well and would have made my decision by the time I am back from my holiday!

In the meantime, here’s something that came on my Facebook newsfeed a couple of days back. It’s an ivillage article about being able to afford to stay at home and what you can do if that is what you want to do.

Feeling sorry for myself…

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I am in a very funky kind of mood today. This post is a semi rant cum self indulgence one!

The job I am with is not working out. I am not fond of the industry and want to go back to academia, which is where I feel I belong. Also I work on a flexible arrangement here, this was an experiment I wanted to do since I wanted to be there for BB & GG. But here, atleast, this experiment is not working.

Since I leave about 3 hours before the others, there are always things that I am unaware of, which people forget to update me when I get in the next day. I keep having this feeling of being in an island all alone. This is not very good for my morale.

The project I was hired for, has, for some reason not taken off. It has now been postponed to mid 2012, so I also have the feeling that my confirmation which would come in early January would be affected as I do not have anything concrete to show for the last six months, just preparations which went nowhere.

Last, this organisation is going to shift – no idea when though, but each time I ask, it is sometime by the end of the year – to the absolute other end of the country/island. Currently it takes me between 45 to 60 minutes to get to work and getting home takes around the same time, but I only need to take one straight bus and so most afternoons, I get on the bus and sleep till it’s time to get off. At the new place, I will need to change three different buses which will take me approximately 90 minutes to get to work and home (this is assuming there are no traffic snarls at any point in the journey). I will be spending 3 hours in the road and 6 hours at work – making it a 9 hour day altogether.

Is this worth it? When I joined here, I had great ideas and thougths, but the reality is way different. There’s been so much staff turnover, both before I joined and during the last 4 months, two people have left. When asked, the management talks about a ‘lack of fit’ for the reason why people leave. But I wanted to ask them, if there is an issue about the fit, then why hire the wrong kind of people? It’s either you don’t know what you are doing when you hire people, or that you give potential employees a completely distorted view of the organisation which makes the ‘fit’ questionable.

Well, I need to start searching for a new job pronto! What I would like in an ideal world would be to search, interview and accept a new position this month (aka November) and then serve my two weeks notice in the first half of December and finish my last day before I go on holiday and start a new place in the new year. What do you think? Will that happen? I want to do something that interests me and makes me excited to wake up on Monday morning, raring to get to work, instead of waking up on Monday and wishing it was Friday already 😦

If someone above listening to me, please, please help!! Also if God, you are listening or reading this, I wouldn’t mind winning some serious money in Toto or 4D, so that for the next few years, I can give up work and concentrate on BB & GG and do what interests me…

A picture to cheer me up! But does it? Let's wait and watch...

Changing Jobs, Changing Lives?

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I’ve written earlier about my previous workplace and how it forced me out of my comfort zone and into a new position. I’ve been here for the last 2.5 months now and so far it is fine. I am not sure if this is the place where I want to be in the long run, but it’s a living for the short term. I won’t name anyone here, because the president and owner of this organisation is a very high profile person and anything I write about this person will reveal the identity. This person is someone I am not very comfortable working for – I don’t know why but something just puts me off! I’ve learnt by now that I should trust my instincts!
Other than me, right now there are two other men and women each who work full-time and another woman who used to work full-time but has now transited to part-time with the intention of finally quitting by the end of the year. And then there is me who is in between working full-time and part-time.
I really haven’t formed many impressions about my co-workers except for one of the women who is feel is a drama mama and a man’s woman! The rest seem all right as of now, but going by previous experiences, I don’t want to get too involved with them and also make assumptions about them that may turn completely wrong as time goes by..
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Some new job funny videos to enjoy…

From here to…..???

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I really don’t know what to type today. My mind is in a blank – actually that’s not true – I have thoughts running all over the place, incoherently that anything I put down will only be seen as ramblings.

Getting up in the mornings everyday is becoming more and more of a chore. Getting ready to go to work another headache. I wish I had the financial ability to just quit my job and be a Stay At Home Mom (SAHM) atleast for a while till I am able to get my head in order. At my age, now I really don’t know what I want to do. I do know that I want to do something that interests me, something that gets me going the whole day. At the point I am in now, in fact for the past 4-5 months, I have no interest in anything, things that I used to enjoy doing like reading, cooking etc have taken a back seat now and I feel tired all the time and all I want to do is to SLEEP! What is happening to me?

Me post lunch

This morning, while being squeezed and crushed in the bus during my morning commute, I had this revelation. Now I am not sure if this even means anything, but here goes nothing. Since I love books so much, why not qualify to become a librarian? I just Googled for the information and realised that there is a Library Association of Singapore. So now let me read up  all that they have to offer and write to them about what I need to become a librarian….

To Work or Not To Work….That is the Question…

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Another day, another commute in a crowded bus. To add, it rained last night and early this morning adding to the jams on the road. There are a couple of accidents on the expressway which I take so the bus is inching it’s way to the exit. You must have guessed that I am writing this on my way to work.

The past few years I am increasingly being asked by myself this question – Do I need to work?  The answer is not as simple as it seems. Based on my earning ability we upgraded to a bigger house about  18 months back so any decision to quit work has to factor that in. But now this question has been quite insistent and I look forward to the way that I can take a break from work. I want to take a couple of years off, concentrate on BB & GG and once they finish the dreaded PSLE exams, do something that enjoy doing. Maybe study further – there is a world of possibility out there. But all this will remain a dream unless I find a way to replace my income for the next four years at the very minimum.  I estimate I will need approximately S$ 120,000, give or take a few thousands to replace my take home income for the next four years. This is actually a pared down income level as for the past three months I have been getting around 75% of my previously drawn salary as I am now working less hours a day. Now all I need is to strike the lottery or get an unexpected inheritance and I’ll be set for my life of leisure.

While we are dreaming let me dream about that perfect life I will have when I am not working. I can wake up later than the 4:45 am I currently do, maybe around 5:30 am? Then get GG & BB, along with S ready to get out of the house by 7:15 am and start preparing my day. I would quickly finish my cooking and clean the kitchen. Next on my agenda would be some exercises say between 30-45 minutes after which the exercises would continue in the form of clew if the house. Once that is done, I can go and have a bath. By now the time should be around 10 am. After this would be some computer time or other general stuff – like ironing, clearing things etc. By this time, if i have not had breakfast, I would be hungry so time for lunch. Then rest till the children get home from school. Once back, they should keep me on my toes till it’s time to unwind and sleep! Aah, while I continue to dream about the perfect life, let me get to work!!