In My Hands Today…

The Lost Flamingoes of Bombay – Siddharth Dhanvant Shanghvi

When photographer Karan Seth comes to Bombay intent on immortalizing a city charged by celebrity and sensation, he is instantly drawn in by its allure and cruelty. Along the way, he discovers unlikely allies: Samar , an eccentric pianist; Zaira, the reclusive queen of Bollywood; and Rhea, a married woman who seduces Karan into a tender but twisted affair. But when an unexpected tragedy strikes, the four lives are irreparably torn apart. Flung into a Fitzgeraldian world of sex, crime and collusion, Karan learns that what the heart sees the mind’s eye may never behold.

2016 Week 15 Update

I started the week feeling sorry for myself. My countdown is now at 3 weeks now and I just heard from Big B on Friday afternoon that he’s heard from HR that my position has been eliminated! So three weeks from now I am officially jobless. Actually now that I have the official confirmation, it’s easier to move on – till the meeting with Big B, I actually had hopes that maybe the contracts would be extended by a few more months which would buy me some time. I also need to speak to my helper about this, her contract with me ends sometime in September and so if I don’t have a full-time position in hand by then, I’ll have to let her go too.

I’ve written to the company which employs me and lets see what they get back to me with. I am probably the first of many who will be retrenched and so they’re going to be busy with finding jobs for others. I’ve thought about this and the next time round, unless the contract is of a longer duration (maybe 2 years), I will think hard about a contract position. The caveat being if the money is irresistible, which means from Day 1 I need to keep options option. Let’s see what happens.

I’ve been just going through the motions at work, with none of the enthusiasm I used to have earlier….I think this, more than anything else tells me I am better off ending this at the end of the month. Though Big B was quite apologetic about this, but like I keep telling myself – C’est la vie! I’ve started looking for jobs in earnest this week, so hopefully something will click very soon.

Something strange has happening to me for the past few weeks, strange because it’s never happened to me before. Most days when I wake up, I am slightly disoriented and need some time to actually figure out what day it is. I don’t know if this because of the stress I am under, but when I actually realised it a couple of days back, it slightly freaked me out. I’ve also started looking forward to Friday, which again has not happened to me in this company yet and so know that is my cue to get away. I was so different even a year ago when I used to be excited to come to work, but now all that is a distant dream!

One of my cousins is getting married (finally!) in July, in Canada and almost all of our cousins are going. I am so very tempted that this week I was looking at airfares. The cheapest is around SGD 1200 and at this point, I am not sure if I should splurge this much money when there’s no income coming my way. We have the India trip plus BB’s poonal at the end of the year and that will cost us a pretty penny! This is the biggest reason I can’t justify my spending! Let’s see how this works out…

I have plans for my period of unemployment, which I will post next week (I was waiting for the official confirmation to come through before I posted, didn’t want to pre-empt it)

This week will be a busy week for me as I need to do something I do every quarter and which I love doing, but it will be mixed feelings for me. I will not tell anyone I am leaving, but will not hide it also. On my last day, I plan to send out a generic email to some of the people I know, both here in Singapore and across the world and if anyone wants to stay in touch, then it would be great, otherwise I’m ok.

The other day I was texting my ex-boss, the guy who recruited me and he sounded quite sad to hear my news. In fact, he actually wrote he was embarrassed as he was the one who had brought me in. But I guess what he was embarrassed about was the fact that a year ago when I started seeing changes, I asked him if he thought I had a future here and if I should move on and he insisted he saw a bright future for me here, which was patently not the case….

Anyway, I have tons to do before I leave – need to clear my desk and most importantly my laptop. After this week is done, I won’t have much to do, so that’s my job for the last two weeks.

Hopefully your week is much better than mine! Have a great week folks!

2016 Sec 1 Week 15 Update

We’re hurtling our way towards the end of semester exams. For secondary schools, the exams start earlier than they do for primary schools, with both exams starting sometime in the end of this month and ending around mid-May. This is also different compared to primary schools where the exams would be over in 4 days (5 if you take Higher Mother Tongue). Also when there are two exams on a particular day and you don’t have to give one, you can come late or leave earlier, unlike primary schools!

GG had a very busy week as she had concentrated practice sessions for the performance which is next week. On the first day of the long practice session, she came home only around 7:45 pm, which was almost 13 hours after she left home for school! Right from the time she has been a baby, she reacts to tiredness in the same way – she gets angry and cranky. She’s learned to manage her emotions slightly better now, but now and then, they overflow. That’s exactly what happened that day – she called me when she left school, close to 7 pm and said she’s tired and will not have dinner! I immediately knew she was getting cranky and as soon as she came home and showered, she started shouting and fighting with BB! I tried to console her and eventually fed her some food and she broke down. After a few minutes of hugging, she calmed down to eat and finish her homework before bed. The next day, she told me, she dozed off in class! I will be happy with the performance next week so that she can concentrate on her end of semester exams. Though, like I told GG, this is life – there will be several situations in life, especially when you start working and at the beginning of your career, when you may have to manage on minimum sleep and have to do it with grace and fortitude and this is just a rehearsal for those situations.

Oh, I have to mention this. Someone from BB’s school parent support group recommended this free app which is great. The app is called OurPact and it is free in the App Store. I guess it should be free for Android also. What it basically does is that it gives the parent (or adult) control over their child’s phone. We downloaded the app and sat together to decide on what I called ‘Phone Ban’ times. So once I schedule the times, their phone gets locked up. They can’t access apps except phone, text and music. So they are contactable at that point, but can’t use the phone to play games, watch videos and generally waste their time. We’ve used it for the better part of a week now and I love it. It also allows me to block access if they already have it remotely if I feel they are misusing phone usage privileges. It’s been such a relief, especially when I am at work and I know they are playing with their phones instead of doing something constructive.

Next week is their Hindi end of semester exam. GG’s performance is a day before that and she will be home only around 10:30 – 11 pm! Hopefully she doesn’t break down at the end of the day and this affects her exam performance!

In My Hands Today…

The Wish Maker – Ali Sethi

The unforgettable story of a fatherless boy growing up in a household of outspoken women, The Wish Maker is also a tale of sacrifice, betrayal, and indestructible friendship. Zaki Shirazi and his female cousin Samar Api were raised to consider themselves “part of the same litter.” Together they watched American television and memorized dialogue from Bollywood movies, attended dangerous protests, and formed secret friendships. In a household run by Zaki’s crusading political journalist mother and iron-willed grandmother, it was impossible to imagine a future that could hold anything different for either of them.

But adolescence approaches and the cousins’ fates diverge. Samar’s unconventional behavior-in which Zaki has played the role of devoted helper-brings severe consequences for her, while Zaki is sent out to discover the world for himself. It is only after years of separation from Samar that he is forced to confront the true nature of happiness, selfhood, and commitment to those he loves most.

Mindfulness and Meditation: Mastering your mind

mindfulness_poster_UKI’m currently reading Ariana Huffington’s book ‘Thrive’ and though I’m only a third into the book, the chapter on mindfulness and meditation resonates with me.

I’ve been meditating on and off through the years (more off than on if I am honest), but I do practice what I now recognize as mindfulness almost every day.

According to Psychology Today, “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

nothinglackingMy version of mindfulness is just before I fall asleep. I am not the sort of person, who as soon as my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep. I usually take between 10-15 minutes on a good say to fall asleep and this is when I reflect and recreate my day as well as see where I was wrong and try to re-do that experience. It’s only those admittedly rare days when I am so exhausted that I do go into a deep sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow that these reflections are not done. In between, I’ve tried to meditate, but I find that I do not have the disciple to do it on a daily basis.

After reading the book, I am more than convinced that I should start BB & GG on trying (the operative word here, ever tried to get teens to stay still?). We did try getting them to meditate once, but couldn’t sustain it, but I am going to give it another shot again. With the heavy stress they are under, this may be a good solution to get them to stay grounded and maybe be able to deal with this stress.

To ensure that we get it right this time, I’ve been reading up on the benefits of mindfulness and meditation and from what I’ve read the benefits far, far outweigh the efforts.

I consider meditation to be a part of mindfulness, where we try to still our busy minds and try to be in the present. You can use anything to anchor your mind – a word or even an image. Indians, and specifically Hindus are known to chant “Om” for this and the vibrations this sound makes is supposed to be very good not only for the individual, but also the environment surrounding you and puts you in a relaxed frame of mind, which is what meditation and mindfulness are all about.

mindfulness-for-daily-lifeSomeone who practices mindfulness and meditates on a regular basis is someone who is more satisfied with life, someone who knows and accepts what life brings to them and becomes fully engaged with the ‘now’, rather than the ‘later’. This ability helps cushion you against the adversities that life will inevitably bring to you.

Scientists have also discovered that practicing mindfulness and meditating regularly help you physically – by relieving stress, lowering blood pressure, giving you the ability to manage pain and improve sleep. All this which a twenty-first century worker needs desperately!

mindfulness1The best way to do this is to find a time of the day when you can practice on a regular basis and stick to that. I prefer doing this just before bed, some people prefer doing this first thing in the morning, but it should be your call. Choose a relatively quiet place where you will not be interrupted as well as bombarded by stimuli. Relax your body and mind. You can close your eyes if that helps or you can focus your attention on an object or image. Take deep and confortable breaths and focus your attention on how you breathe. Your mind will start to wander and when it does, gently bring it back to the present. Having something to focus on like a chant or an image helps in this. I also like to keep a timer on my phone for the initial days when I know I can’t focus too much. Start small, maybe 2-3 minutes initially, gradually moving up the time you mediate and be mindful to as long as you can.

If you do this, I’d love to hear how this went. I will be starting this with BB & GG soon and will post a follow-up on this as soon as there’s some benefit. I am hoping that doing this with them for a few weeks will make this a lifelong habit and will help them through their busy and stressful lives.