Tag Archives: health

Depression

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I was not going to publish this post, this was supposed to be something just for me, but I think, since this blog is a my digital diary, I will publish it.

I think I am suffering from depression. This is not my imagination, but something that’s been bothering me for a while now – in fact from the beginning of this year. On hindsight, this was one of the biggest reasons I left my previous jobs, thinking a change of place and pace would ease all that was happening inside me. Web MD defines depression as “Depression is a serious and pervasive mood disorder. It causes feelings of sadness, hopelessness, helplessness, and worthlessness. Depression can be mild to moderate with symptoms of apathy, little appetite, difficulty sleeping, low self-esteem, and low-grade fatigue. Or it can be more severe.”

Depression is apparently more common in women than in men and twice as many women are likely to develop clinical depression as compared to me. Some of the symptoms of depression are:

  • persistent sad, anxious, or “empty” mood
  • loss of interest or pleasure in activities, including sex
  • restlessness, irritability, or excessive crying
  • feelings of guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, hopelessness, pessimism
  • sleeping too much or too little, early-morning awakening
  • appetite and/or weight loss or overeating and weight gain
  • decreased energy, fatigue, feeling “slowed down”
  • thoughts of death or suicide, or suicide attempts
  • difficulty concentrating, remembering, or making decisions
  • persistent physical symptoms that do not respond to treatment, such as headaches, digestive disorders, and chronic pain

Image from Wikipedia

I’ve mentioned before just how toxic the environment was in my previous place and I think that environment was the cause for all this. The way I was treated in my previous work place is the underlying cause for this. I have now decided that after they give me the one thing I still haven’t gotten from them – my testimonial – I will cut all contact with the organisation and the people there. Unfortunately quite a bit of my coworkers are my friends on Facebook and now I have to decide how to get rid of them from my life without seeming to get rid of them. Any ideas?

The symptoms that I’ve been experiencing look like this – No interest in anything any more, especially the things I used to enjoy doing; Sleep patterns all over the place. Most of the time, I just want to sleep – even if I have just gotten off bed less than a couple of hours back. Then some days I just can’t sleep at night even if I am yawning away to kingdom come!; No energy to do anything and a feeling of tiredness all the time

I just took this test at the Health Promotion Board website and my test results reads “Your responses suggest that you have some depressive symptoms. You may feel down from time to time but these symptoms are unlikely to impair your daily function. It might be wise to reassess your symptoms in a few weeks.”

I told S about this yesterday and he wants me to see a doctor this week. I’m not sure if I want to, but in this case, I guess I may just have to give in.

I initially wrote this post yesterday and didn’t want to publish it. But looking back, the very act of putting my feelings down on paper has put me on the path to healing! I’ll go and see a doctor today but I know in my gut, I will get better soon

This and That…A Khichadi Post

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This post is a khichdi of different things. First things first though – a khichdi is an Indian lentil and rice dish which is essentially a one pot meal. You just chuck in rice, lentils, vegetables with some spices and create a fulfilling meal! The image is courtesy of Wikipedia.

Yesterday I went for my annual PAP smear test. My ob-gyn has recently shifted his clinic and somehow even though I kept saying the correct name, I landed in the wrong place! I had taken BB & GG with me since I wanted them to see the man who brought them into this world! BB & GG were very excited about this! The test was a routine one, but the Fibroid that I have in my uterus has apparently grown by around 20% over the last one year. It is still small enough to leave it for now, but over the last four years it has grown by almost 250%! Hopefully it stops growing any more and I am saved from surgery…

I also realised that I am seriously overweight! My scale at home is broken and I have not yet bothered to replace it. I weight 92 freaking kgs! I really, really need to do something. I also realised that this weight is very close my weight when I was nine months pregnant with twins! No wonder in the last few weeks, more than one person have offered me a seat in the bus – they thought I was pregnant!!

While coming back home from the clinic, we were talking about the fact that in my side of the family BB is the only boy in his generation – my sister has two girls and other married cousins with children also have only girls till now – and I said, “Because BB is the only boy in this generation, the grandparents tend to pamper him a lot”. For some reason, this set off GG in a fit of giggles and she wouldn’t tell me the reason. Then later when the giggling subsided, we realised that she associated the word ‘pamper’ to diapers or Pampers! Cue to continue giggling whenever the word was used, and believe me she used the word in many ways during the 10 minute drive home!

I also heard some other piece of sad news yesterday – an ex-colleague of mine JS who was just about my age (give or take a few years) expired on Sunday. I am not sure of the cause, but I heard the words Heart Attack. Even though he and me were not close and in fact I disliked him a lot, here’s a prayer for him and his family and may his soul rest in peace. I know he is the only son and has aged parents with medical conditions. May God give them the courage to go through this tragedy. It can never be easy for a parent to see his/her child go before them, this goes against all the laws of nature!