The Disappearing Art of Doing Nothing

Doing nothing sounds simple until one actually tries to do it.

Sit still. Put the phone away. Do not read. Do not scroll. Do not make a list. Do not mentally draft an email, plan the week, remember the groceries, check the blood sugar reader, open a book, play a game, rearrange a thought, or wonder whether this stillness can be turned into something useful later.

Just sit.

For some people, this may sound peaceful. For me, it sounds luxurious, desirable, and almost impossible. I like the idea of doing nothing. In theory, it is sitting in a quiet room, perhaps lying down, staring into space, letting the mind settle like dust after a cupboard has been opened. But in reality, my brain does not settle. My mind behaves as if twenty browser tabs are open and one of them is playing music, usually at 2 am when I have woken up to use the toilet and should, by all logic, return to sleep.

Doing nothing is hard for me. Even when my body is still, my mind is moving. If I have a few minutes with no obvious task, my hand automatically reaches for my phone. I check social media, open a game, read Reddit, or go into my library app because if a story has hooked me, even a lift ride can become reading time. I fill small silences before they have a chance to become silence.

I do not particularly like this. But it is also part of modern life, and pretending otherwise would be dishonest.

We live in a world that has trained us to treat every gap as an opportunity. Waiting for the kettle? Check the phone. Waiting for the bus? Check the phone. Eating alone? Watch something. Sitting in bed? Scroll. Resting? Optimise the rest. Record the rest. Turn the rest into a morning routine, a Sunday reset, a wellness ritual, a slow-living aesthetic with soft lighting and a ceramic mug placed just so.

Even doing nothing, it seems, now has to work for its keep.

There is an irony in watching videos about slow living and self-care, knowing how much work must have gone into making them. The lighting, the camera angles, the editing, the captions, the music, the deliberate casualness of it all. Rest has become content. Stillness has become performance. The person filming their peaceful morning has probably spent more time arranging the shot than being peaceful.

I say this without judgment because I, too, enjoy watching such content. It is soothing in the way a clean kitchen in someone else’s house is soothing. But it also makes me laugh a little. We have become so uncomfortable with unproductive time that even leisure must be packaged, captioned, and posted.

This is perhaps why the art of doing nothing is disappearing. Not because we no longer desire it, but because we no longer know how to defend it.

As children, we had more empty time, whether we liked it or not. Growing up in Mumbai, I hated being bored. If I complained to my paternal grandmother that I was bored, she had a line in Tamil that sounded far better than any translation could manage. If I said, “Bore adikkaradu,” she would say, “Bore-a adi,” meaning “beat the boredom back”. In other words, boredom was not a crisis requiring adult intervention. It was something to be wrestled with, survived, and transformed.

Source

And we did transform it.

We read anything we could find. We invented games. We produced little plays. We pretended. We made things up. We stood on balconies and watched the world go by. I loved doing that, standing on the balcony and observing the street below. People walking, vehicles passing, neighbours talking, vendors calling out, the ordinary theatre of city life continuing whether or not one had anything to do.

There was a kind of richness in that unstructured look. No one called it mindfulness then. No one had to. It was simply what one did when there was nothing else to do.

I also daydreamed, especially at night when I could not sleep. I still do sometimes, though less often in the day now. Adult life has a way of shrinking the room available for aimless imagination. Daydreaming becomes something we squeeze between responsibilities or something that arrives only when sleep refuses to.

Children today have less of this empty time. BB and GG’s childhood still had some creativity in it. They played with dolls, board games, blocks, and toys. They were not exposed to social media very early. But once school, tuition, enrichment classes, and devices entered the picture, childhood became more scheduled. This is not unique to them. It is the rhythm of many children’s lives now: school, homework, tuition, activities, screens, repeat.

Some structure is good. Children need encouragement, discipline, and exposure. A little pressure can help them grow. But beyond a point, childhood becomes a calendar rather than a landscape. There is no time to wander. No time to invent a game out of nothing. No time to sit with boredom long enough for it to turn into imagination.

And boredom does have a purpose. It is not merely the absence of entertainment. It is where children meet themselves. It is where they learn to create, observe, wait, and think. If every moment is filled for them, they never discover what their own minds can do when left alone.

Of course, adults are not much better.

Singapore, where I live now, is a difficult place in which to do nothing. It is efficient, achievement-driven, scheduled, expensive, and always moving. There is always something to do, and often something that should have been done yesterday. Planning is rewarded. Productivity is admired. The calendar is a survival tool. Even leisure is often organised in advance.

There are still places where I can zone out. At home, when the house is quiet. At the beach or in a park. In the library. On the upper deck of a bus, sitting by the window, watching the city move past. At the airport, oddly enough, especially when I am alone. Airports are perfect places for doing nothing because everyone is between places. No one fully belongs there for long. You can sit, watch people, imagine stories, and feel suspended from ordinary time. A long-haul flight offers something similar. Once the plane takes off, life below has to wait. No errands. No chores. No immediate demands. Just time, air, and a small screen one may or may not use.

India offers a different relationship with doing nothing. The India I grew up in was noisy, crowded, and full of constant cacophony, so doing nothing was never exactly quiet. But there were natural pauses, partly because life was less efficient. Waiting was built into the day. Waiting for buses, trains, relatives, phone calls, water, electricity, and information. Power cuts forced everyone to stop. Train journeys made one look out of the window. Neighbours dropped in. People sat around. Balconies, building compounds, and street corners became informal theatres of nothing in particular.

Now, when I go to Bangalore, I still find pockets of time to zone out. But India too has changed. Everyone has a smartphone. Everyone has internet. The pause has been colonised. Whether in India or Singapore, the hand goes to the phone. The old art of sitting and doing nothing has been replaced by the new habit of sitting and consuming something.

The phone may be the greatest enemy of nothingness. It is useful, addictive, entertaining, and always available. It rescues us from boredom so quickly that we no longer learn what boredom might have given us. It makes waiting painless but also makes thinking rarer. It connects us to everyone and disconnects us from the quiet inside ourselves.

This matters because doing nothing is not always nothing.

For a writer, especially, empty time is not wasted time. Ideas often arrive when I am not chasing them. During my morning walk with my meditation app. In the shower. While cooking. Before sleep. While drinking coffee. Sometimes in the most random places and moments. Writing needs empty space. It needs the mind to loosen its grip on usefulness. It needs time when nothing obvious is being produced, because below the surface, something is forming.

I do not usually mistake thinking time for laziness. I know that thought is part of writing. But knowing this does not always remove the guilt. When life has so many moving parts: job searching, writing, income streams, blog work, Echoes of Calm, family, health, Image Mission work, there is always something that could be done. One more application. One more article. One more Canva template. One more email. One more plan. One more post. One more idea to capture before it disappears.

In such a life, doing nothing can feel irresponsible.

This is where productivity culture becomes dangerous. It teaches us that every moment must justify itself. Rest must improve performance. Hobbies must become income streams. Walking must count as fitness. Reading must contribute to growth. Writing must build a platform. Creativity must be monetised. Even a blog, which may begin as a personal space for reflection, memory, and expression, is quickly assessed through the lens of money.

For years after I started blogging, when I told people about it, I was often asked whether it made money. The question came so frequently that I eventually had to shut it down firmly. Not everything has to earn. Not every joy has to be converted into income. Not every act of expression must be weighed on the scale of productivity.

Yet I understand why people ask. We live in a world where time is money, and therefore time spent without earning, improving, networking, or producing appears suspect. Doing nothing becomes not merely a personal failure but an economic one. What did you get out of it? What did it lead to? How did it help?

Maybe it helped me remain human. That should be enough, though it often is not accepted as an answer.

Women, in particular, are rarely allowed to do nothing without judgment. A man resting is often simply resting. A woman resting is available. If she is sitting down, surely she can fold the laundry. If she has a free hour, surely she can cook something extra, organise a cupboard, call someone, supervise homework, plan a meal, reply to messages, soothe a feeling, remember an appointment, or be useful in some way.

Women are expected to fill empty space. Cooking, cleaning, organising, remembering, caring, planning, messaging, hosting, helping. Even rest can become a waiting room for the next task.

In some families, if a woman has free time, it must be explained. She cannot just sit. She must be tired, sick, upset, or lazy. Simple rest is not enough justification. This is one of the quiet injustices of domestic life. Women’s time is often treated as communal property. Everyone may draw from it. Everyone may assume it is available.

Motherhood deepens this. When BB and GG were young, I barely had time to myself. Later, as they grew older, I reclaimed more of it, but until they finished school, there was always an undercurrent of alertness. Meals, schoolwork, activities, health, logistics, emotional needs, exam schedules, transport, forms, uniforms, tuition, everything. Even when I was not actively doing something, some part of me was on standby.

That standby mode does not switch off easily. Even now, doing nothing can feel slightly suspicious, as though someone somewhere must need something.

This is why chosen stillness feels so different from forced waiting. There is a kind of nothing that is peaceful: morning coffee in a silent house, a walk without hurry, sitting at a window, watching rain. But there is also a kind of nothing that is anxious and unpleasant: waiting when there is too much work, waiting for replies, waiting for results, waiting in uncertainty, waiting while the mind chews through every possible outcome.

Chosen stillness restores. Forced waiting drains.

This distinction matters because not everyone has the privilege to romanticise doing nothing. For someone juggling multiple jobs, caregiving, financial stress, illness, or survival, rest may not be easily available. Telling people to “slow down” can sound tone-deaf when their lives do not allow it. The issue is not simply individual choice. It is also social, economic, and cultural. Some people are not restless because they lack wisdom. They are restless because life demands it.

Still, within whatever space we have, however small, we need moments that are not claimed by productivity.

Health has taught me this in its own way. Managing diabetes means paying attention to the body, even when the mind wants to keep charging ahead. I use a CGM, and scanning it is itself a morning ritual. I know that being more rested helps me manage my blood sugar better. Stress, sleep, food, movement, and rest are all connected. The body keeps its own accounts, whether or not we acknowledge them.

Perhaps doing nothing is not nothing to the body. Perhaps it is repair.

The trouble is, I am not always listening closely enough to hear that. Like many people, I wait for the body to speak loudly before I pay attention. Fatigue must become exhaustion. Stress must become numbers on a screen. The mind must become too noisy to ignore. Only then do I pause, when pausing should have come much earlier.

Midlife adds another layer. As I grow older, I feel both more entitled to rest and more anxious about time. Doing nothing can feel like reclaiming time, but it can also feel like wasting it. The years no longer stretch endlessly ahead in the way they seemed to when I was young. There is a sharper awareness now that time is finite. This can make rest feel precious, but also make it feel dangerous. What am I doing with my life? What am I not doing? What should I have done by now?

Midlife asks uncomfortable questions. One of them is: what am I rushing toward, exactly?

We hurry through days as though there will be a final clearing where everything is done and rest becomes permissible. But that clearing never arrives. There is always another task, another worry, another plan. If rest has to be earned by finishing everything, we will never rest. The list is immortal. We are not.

Perhaps the art of doing nothing disappeared because the world prioritises busyness. Busy people look important. Busy lives look successful. Busy calendars suggest demand and relevance. To say “I am busy” is almost a badge of honour. To say “I did nothing” feels like a confession.

But what are we losing when we lose the ability to do nothing?

We lose imagination. We lose patience. We lose the ability to observe without needing to capture. We lose the inner life that grows only in quiet. We lose boredom, and with it the strange creativity boredom can unlock. We lose the ability to be alone with ourselves. We lose reflection. We lose the habit of noticing beauty when it is not presented to us through a screen.

We also lose a certain tenderness towards time. Not all time has to be used. Some time can simply be lived.

I admire people who still seem able to do this. Older people sitting at void decks, shooting the breeze with no visible agenda. Temple-goers sitting quietly after darshan, not rushing out immediately after the ritual is done. Children staring into space. People sitting in parks. Someone with a cup of tea and nowhere urgent to be. These scenes stay with me because they feel increasingly rare. They are small acts of resistance against a world that asks, “What next?”

My ideal version of doing nothing is simple. Morning. I am the only one awake in the house. The room is quiet. I have a hot cup of coffee in my hand. My phone is nearby, not for scrolling, but to capture an idea if one arrives. I sit in silence. No one needs me yet. The day has not begun making its claims.

This is not dramatic. It will never trend. It cannot be turned into a productivity hack without ruining it. That is precisely why it matters.

Doing nothing does not mean abandoning responsibility. It does not mean laziness, though a part of me still carries that old conditioning. “Don’t waste time.” “Do something useful.” “Idle mind is the devil’s workshop.” “Why are you just sitting?” These phrases were common enough growing up, and I have used versions of them with BB and GG too. The inheritance continues even when we know better. We pass on not only values but anxieties.

Maybe the work now is to interrupt that inheritance.

To tell ourselves and our children that empty time is not wasted time. That rest need not be earned through exhaustion. That boredom will not destroy us. That creativity requires space. That the mind needs to wander. That the body needs to repair. That a woman sitting down is not automatically available. That a hobby does not have to become a side hustle. That not every moment must be captured, posted, measured, or improved.

The art of doing nothing is disappearing, but perhaps it is not gone. It waits in small places. In morning coffee. In a bus window. In the hush of a library. In a beach breeze. In the airport between flights. In a quiet walk. In the few minutes after lighting a lamp. In the pause after prayer. In the space before an idea becomes words.

Maybe doing nothing is not the opposite of living fully. Maybe it is what allows us to live fully.

So tomorrow morning, if the house is still quiet and the day has not yet rushed in, I hope to sit with my coffee for a few minutes longer. I will probably still reach for my phone. I am not pretending to be a saint of stillness. But perhaps I can wait before touching it. Perhaps I can let the silence arrive first. Perhaps I can allow my mind to wander without immediately making it useful.

A few minutes of nothing. Which, I am beginning to realise, may be something after all.

Why Everyone Is Tired, Even When Life Is Easier

There is a strange contradiction at the heart of modern life. In so many practical ways, life is easier than it has ever been. We have washing machines, food delivery, ride-hailing apps, digital banking, online shopping, Google Maps, YouTube tutorials, WhatsApp, household appliances, remote work, medical technology, easier travel, and more information than any generation before us could have imagined. And yet everyone is tired.

Not just physically tired, though there is plenty of that, too. This is a different kind of tiredness. Mental tiredness. Emotional tiredness. Social tiredness. Decision fatigue. Digital exhaustion. Financial stress. The kind of tiredness where nothing is exactly wrong, but everything feels like too much. The kind of tiredness that does not always go away after one night of sleep, because it does not come only from the body. It comes from the mind being permanently switched on.

We are tired even when life is easier because convenience has not given us rest. It has given us more things to manage. This is not to romanticise the past. I have no desire to return to a world without washing machines, online banking, reliable transport apps, or medical advances. Some things are genuinely easier now. Compared with my childhood, and certainly compared with my parents’ generation, everyday life has become convenient in countless ways. We can order groceries from our phones, transfer money in seconds, find directions anywhere, learn how to fix almost anything online, and speak to family across countries without waiting for expensive trunk calls or letters. These are not small things. They matter.

But ease is not the same as rest. Comfort is not the same as peace. Convenience is not the same as lightness. In fact, many conveniences have removed one kind of labour while adding another. Food delivery means we do not have to cook, but now we must scroll through two hundred options, compare prices, check delivery fees, wonder if it is too expensive, and feel mildly guilty for not making something at home. WhatsApp makes communication instant, but now everyone can reach us instantly. Online shopping saves time, but it also creates endless comparisons. Digital banking saves a trip to the bank but adds passwords, OTPs, app updates, portals, and the quiet fear of scams. Google Maps helps us navigate, but perhaps also makes us less patient when the journey is not optimised.

The work has changed shape. It has moved from our hands into our heads. Maybe this is why so many of us feel tired in a way that is hard to explain. We are not always doing more physically, but we are thinking more constantly. Remembering more, comparing more, deciding more, tracking more, responding more, planning more, and worrying more.

I feel this myself. Some days I am more tired than others, but the tiredness is there. I am tired of trying to be a productive member of society. Tired from job searching, tired from managing health, tired from overthinking, tired from always being the planner, tired from long-distance caregiving, tired from ageing, and tired from holding too many tabs open in my head.

The sentence that describes it best is this: I am not tired because I do too much, but because I am always thinking about what still needs to be done. That is the modern condition, isn’t it? The unfinished list follows us everywhere. Even when we sit down, the list sits beside us. Even when we sleep, it waits. Even when we rest, part of us is scanning the horizon for what we have forgotten.

When I am tired, I become irritable and cranky. Sometimes I dissociate from things and simply want to be left alone. I lose interest even in things I love, including writing. I watch mindless content, not because it truly rests me, but because real rest feels too difficult. This too is a modern pattern. We choose fake rest because it asks less of us. Scrolling, watching videos, online browsing, half-reading, half-listening, half-existing. It distracts us, but it does not restore us. Real rest is harder. Real rest requires us to stop performing usefulness, even to ourselves.

Our parents’ generation was tired too, though perhaps in different ways. Their lives were physically harder. Fewer appliances, less convenience, more social obligations, fewer choices, and more rigid roles. Women, especially were expected to ignore tiredness. They carried on. They cooked, cleaned, cared, hosted, remembered, and swallowed exhaustion because saying “I am tired” was not always allowed. Tiredness could be dismissed as weakness. Weakness could be called laziness.

Children, too were not usually allowed to be tired. We were told to study, help, behave, and stop complaining. “Don’t waste time” was a common enough message. “Do something useful” was another. The idea that rest could be necessary rather than indulgent did not always exist in the language we grew up with.

But while the older generations had fewer conveniences, they may also have had less mental clutter in certain ways. There was no social media feed carrying the world into their minds every morning. No constant news alerts. No endless comparison with everyone’s holidays, homes, children, careers, bodies, meals, and achievements. No apps telling them to track every step, calorie, rupee, dollar, hour, and habit. Their lives were not easy. But perhaps their attention was less fragmented.

Today, information overload is part of our tiredness. We know too much, all the time. News, wars, elections, scams, climate anxiety, health advice, job market changes, school admissions, university pathways, investment options, AI developments, parenting opinions, diet debates, productivity hacks, skincare routines, travel warnings, and the latest thing we are apparently supposed to worry about.

Knowing more can be empowering. It can help us make better decisions. But it can also be exhausting. I often feel that the human brain was not designed to carry the whole world before breakfast. And yet many of us begin the day by reaching for the phone and doing exactly that.

The phone is both a tool and a tormentor. It helps us communicate, read, plan, bank, order, check health data, navigate, work, and stay connected. I would not want to give it up. But it also makes us reachable, distracted, anxious, comparative, and unable to fully switch off. Most of us reach for it first thing in the morning and keep it near us until we sleep. It sits beside us like a demanding little rectangle of obligation and temptation.

Work has also changed. Modern work expects too much emotional and mental availability. Emails, WhatsApp messages, Teams chats, “quick calls,” urgent requests, meetings, follow-ups, performance reviews, networking, personal branding, upskilling, and the unspoken expectation that one should be responsive at all times. Work follows people home now. It travels in pockets and handbags. It lights up on screens at dinner. It enters weekends disguised as something that will “only take five minutes.”

For those of us managing multiple streams, this becomes even more tiring. Work, freelancing, job searching, writing, family, health, and organisational responsibilities do not sit neatly in separate boxes. They overlap. A job application is mentally different from paid work, but it is tiring in its own way. The tailoring of resumes, the cover letters, the online forms, the silence, the ghosting, and the sense of wondering whether there is any point in applying anymore. It is not only effort. It is emotional exposure repeated again and again.

Then there is the achievement treadmill. Singapore makes this especially visible. It is efficient, safe, connected, and convenient, and I am grateful for many of those things. But it is also tiring. The cost of living, work expectations, school pressure, comparison, crowds, commuting, and the constant sense that everyone is progressing, upgrading, investing, studying, planning, and optimising can make life feel practically easier but mentally heavier. Everything works, but everyone is running.

India, in contrast, is tiring in different ways. The India I grew up in may have been physically harder but emotionally more spacious in some ways. But it was also noisy, bureaucratic, socially demanding, and full of gendered expectations and family interference. When I visit India now, I initially feel rested, perhaps because of memory and familiarity. But then the noise, pollution, chaos, and sheer effort of moving through daily life begin to exhaust me. Bangalore, especially, can be an exercise in patience. Travelling across the city is not a commute so much as a character-building programme nobody signed up for. So no, the answer is not that one place is restful and another is not. Modern tiredness has many geographies.

A large part of this tiredness is emotional labour, and here gender cannot be ignored. Women are often more tired than they admit because they are not only doing tasks but also managing emotional labour. They are remembering, anticipating, planning, noticing, soothing, managing moods, maintaining relationships, and keeping family life moving. Appliances may have made housework easier, but they did not remove the responsibility of noticing what has to be done.

Someone still has to know that the groceries are running low, the appointment needs booking, the child needs a form signed, the parent needs checking on, the helper needs instructions, the birthday needs remembering, the meal needs planning, the message needs replying to, the festival needs preparing for, and the family rhythm needs holding together. In many families, that person is still a woman.

I know this in my own life. I am the planner in the family and perhaps also the natural doer, so many things fall to me. Some of this is personality. Some of it is habit. Some of it is patriarchy, wearing comfortable home clothes and pretending it’s common sense.

Parenting adds another layer. Parenting today is mentally tiring in ways previous generations may or may not have experienced to the same degree. There is more information now, and with information comes anxiety. School choices, tuition, enrichment, screen time, food, safety, identity, mental health, university admissions, careers, social media, friendships, independence. Every decision feels loaded.

Parenting BB and GG was more mentally tiring than I expected, especially because they are twins. When children are young, tiredness is physical: feeding, bathing, school runs, homework, logistics. When they grow older, the tiredness changes. It becomes emotional. You worry about choices, studies, jobs, relationships, independence, and the future. You are less physically needed but not necessarily less mentally involved. The work moves inward.

Ageing changes tiredness too. Things I could do even five years ago feel harder now. Energy is no longer something I can assume will appear on command. I try to rest more willingly, but I also push myself at times. Midlife brings its own strange combination of urgency and fatigue. There is still so much one wants to do, but the body is no longer willing to be treated like an unpaid intern.

Health adds another background hum. Managing diabetes, using a CGM, thinking about food, readings, walking, sleep, stress, medical appointments, and how the body is responding. None of these may seem dramatic on their own, but together they create a constant layer of awareness. It is another form of invisible daily management. The body becomes one more thing to monitor, interpret, and negotiate with.

And then, as if all this were not enough, we live in an age of relentless self-improvement. We are told to eat better, sleep better, move more, earn more, invest smarter, build a brand, write more, declutter, meditate, journal, network, learn AI, regulate our emotions, have a side hustle, age well, dress well, parent well, rest well, and become the best version of ourselves. It is exhausting just listing it. The pressure to improve turns life into a permanent project. We are never simply people living our lives. We are always under renovation.

Even rest becomes something to do correctly. This is where comparison enters. I try not to compare myself with others, but sometimes it creeps in. Someone else seems to have the career sorted, the children sorted, the house sorted, the health sorted, the holidays sorted, the face glowing, the meals plated, and the life beautifully arranged. Of course, we know social media is curated. We know this intellectually. But emotionally, the comparison still slips through. We look at our ordinary, unfinished, slightly messy lives and wonder why everyone else seems to be managing better.

Perhaps they are not. Perhaps they are tired too. Maybe everyone is tired because nothing ever feels finished anymore. In the past, many tasks had clearer endings. Wash the clothes, cook the meal, clean the house, and finish the errand. Today, so much of life is endless. Email never ends, messages never end, news never ends, content never ends, job applications never end, self-improvement never ends, health tracking never ends, financial planning never ends, and social obligations never end. There is always more. The endlessness is tiring.

What people need less of, I think, is pressure, comparison, pretending, and the expectation of constant availability. Less noise. Less optimisation. Less of the idea that every moment must be useful and every person must be improving. What people need more of is sleep. Real sleep, not revenge bedtime scrolling until the brain gives up. More meaningful work, because meaningless work exhausts the spirit in a way even physical labour does not. More kindness, because a tired world becomes harsher when kindness disappears. And perhaps more boredom, too. Boredom gives the mind room to wander. It creates space where not everything is input, output, or performance.

For me, the rest that actually helps is simple. Sleep first, then reading and writing. Being alone in silence, meditating, praying, and talking to the divine. These things restore rather than merely distract. They return me to myself. The problem is that we often treat tiredness as a personal failure. If we are tired, we assume we are not organised enough, disciplined enough, resilient enough, grateful enough, or productive enough. But perhaps tiredness is also information. It tells us that the load is too heavy, even if parts of the load are invisible. It tells us that convenience has not solved the deeper problem. It tells us that human beings were not meant to be reachable, measurable, comparable, and improvable every waking minute.

Life is easier now, but it is also harder because everyone is stressed, worried, and overall tired. The tools have improved. The pressure has multiplied. The physical load may have reduced, but the mental load has expanded to fill the space convenience created.

So what do we do? I do not think the answer is to reject modern life. I like my washing machine; I like online banking, being able to order groceries, messaging my family, checking a map, reading on my phone, and monitoring my health. The answer is not to pretend the past was better. It was not, at least not for everyone.

But perhaps we need to stop confusing efficiency with ease. We need to stop assuming that because something is convenient, it is restful. We need boundaries around phones, work, comparison, and self-improvement. We need to see women’s invisible labour before we can share it. We need workplaces that do not treat constant availability as commitment. We need families where planning is not silently assigned to one person. We need to stop treating tiredness as weakness.

Most of all, we need permission to be ordinary human beings. Not always optimised. Not always productive. Not always reachable. Not always improving. Not always strong. Not always cheerful. Not always holding everything together. Maybe what we need is not another app, hack, system, or productivity method. Maybe what we need is the courage to admit that being human was never meant to be this constantly managed.

So perhaps the next time tiredness arrives, instead of asking, “What is wrong with me?”, we can ask a better question. What am I carrying? And perhaps, even more importantly, what can I finally put down?