Tag Archives: Women

What makes a Woman?

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Today, worldwide we celebrate International Women’s Day, but is it really necessary to just devote one day a year to half the world’s population?

Women today have reached the pinnacle of what they can do, with many women breaking records in achievements. At the same time, in many countries, including what is known as a first world country, women still don’t have rights over their own bodies!

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Growing up in a conservative, yet liberal household, I was always told that I can do what I want (within reason) and there was nothing that was beyond me. I remember when I first started college at the age of 16, I found out about the British Council library which was in the Central Business District in Mumbai and wanted to join it. My dad asked me to find out what was the membership fee and where it was. I did so and he handed me the money and told me how to get there and I was on my own. I went with an older friend who had also not gone there before, so we lost our way and had to ask around before we found the building and I became a member. I held that membership for almost 10 years, right after I started working and could not go to the library during work hours. I also became a member of the United States Information Service (USIS) after I started my undergraduate degree as it used to be free then for students. So every month while I was in college, I used to lug my 8 books (4 from each library) to college and after lessons ended around 11 am, I’d travel down to the libraries, before coming back home around 4 pm. My parents never held the view that since I was a young girl, I could not go to places which were far from home. I was probably the only person I knew back then who used to travel so far to get her book fix!

women-power_storyAt the same time, I always knew that I’d get married at some point and take my husband’s name. It was not done for ‘girls like us’ to show off our independence like that. But fast forward some years and I’ve done exactly what I’d never thought I’d do. I have kept my name – the first name and last name that was bestowed upon me at birth and will do so till the day I die. I’ve written about this in a post around 18 months back. As an aside, I also would like to see a world (if that’s even possible in my lifetime) where we do not take a family name which is most likely patriarchal in nature. Why do you need a last name in any case? If it’s that imperative to have one, why can’t it be that of your mother? After all, maternity can never be disputed, but paternity has to be proved, right?

1f8d4f2959f76c7420303d7a940b0b8eA woman today can have it all, and in many cases, is expected to have it all. She is judged constantly – whether she is a homemaker or a working mum and if she is not able to handle both to the satisfaction of the world, then she gets commented upon. Walking down a street in many countries for a woman means running a gamut of catcalls and comments, most, if not all, are sexual in nature. This is seen by the men in those countries as being complimentary to the woman, but for the said woman, it a creepy and extremely offensive.

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So what’s it like being a woman today? I honestly do not have an answer – my definition of being one means allowing no distinction between a man and a woman. I want to go back to the first sentence of this post – why now in 2017, do we even need a day in a year to celebrate womanhood? Shouldn’t every day be a celebration? We don’t celebrate International Men’s Day, do we, then why one for women? Women are more or less half the world’s population, so why this distinction? Why are women still perceived to be the weaker sex? I’d bet if any man had to undergo a natural delivery or even have periods every month for close to 50 odd years of his life, he’d acknowledge with loads of humility that women are indeed the stronger sex (not to mention, all the hidden pink taxes that women pay which would be a thing of the past).

Anyway, that’s all wishful thinking. I’d love to hear from my women readers – what you think makes a woman? How would you like womanhood to be celebrated?

Being a Woman…

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The past few weeks have been quite frankly, disturbing to me as a woman. Like probably most people on this planet, I’ve been following the US Presidential elections and the news it throws up makes me very disturbed. It also doesn’t help that my Facebook feed is filled with news about the elections and mostly about how one of the candidates is so misogynist about women in general.

Then I read another bit of news, this time from India. Apparently, a couple who applied to divorce has had a judgement from the Supreme Court that because the ‘woman was trying to separate the man from his parents’, divorce should happen. What was so wrong about this judgement was the judge who decreed that after the wedding, in a marriage, when a woman said she didn’t want to live with the man’s parents, she is wrong and this is against the Indian, Hindu culture and so the man asking for a divorce is right and the divorce should be decreed. This is so wrong from so many angles. I, along with many Indian women worldwide have been incensed with this ruling. This turns the clock on so many decades of women empowerment in the country. This belittles a woman as nothing else can and makes parents of women little less than dirt.

Yes, the world over, patriarchal traditions insist that when a man and a woman get married, a woman leaves her home, her family and in some cases in India, even her name, to go and live with someone who is essentially a stranger.  A woman’s parents, who have brought her up and lived with her for the 20-30 odd years pre-marriage, have no rights over their daughter, whom they have brought up equally to any son they may have, have to hand her over quietly and when she raises any objection, tell her to be quiet and adjust and live with her husband and in-laws. In many cases, the woman who is a highly educated, career woman who has subordinates at work, has to have someone who has probably never done any work outside the home telling her what to eat, when to sleep, when to work etc.

There’s a Chinese saying attributed to Mao Zedong that says “Women hold up half the sky”. What does this mean actually? My interpretation of this means that in order for society to achieve anything, women should and must contribute their share of the hard work. Women, who account for half the world’s population (49.6% according to the World Bank), in reality, do not really account for even a fraction of that percentage.

So what’s it like to be a woman?

Being a woman starts young, young girls are told at a very early age that they are women in the making

Being a woman means covering yourselves up, just so you do not inflame the lustful eyes of men around you. Men don’t get taught to lower their eyes when talking to a woman.

Being a woman means that every word, deed and action is scrutinised, if you are assertive and know your mind, you are called arrogant and stuck-up and a bitch while a man is praised for this (as an example of this, please watch the US presidential elections).

A woman is supposed to pure and chaste while a man can sow his wild oats. A woman talking in a sexual way is a slut while for a man, it’s just boys talk or locker room talk and ‘boys will be boys’

A woman walking alone at night always has some pepper spray in her bag, but in many countries, this rarely happens as women are almost never allowed to go out at night.

A woman walking alone, irrespective of the time of the day will invariably attract catcalls and lewd glances, but a man has to never face being the object of sexual attention and feel people undressing him with their eyes.

Being a woman means having to listen to off colour jokes and sexual innuendoes at work and school and laugh it out with the guys as otherwise you are considered ‘not sporting enough’

It’s time, we as women started taking care of our kind. We are mothers, grandmothers, aunts and sisters. We nurture the next generation of both men and women. It’s up to us to make sure that this inequality stops with this generation. As we bring up the next generation, let’s all teach our daughters to be strong and not take any shit from anyone. Let’s, more importantly, teach our sons how to be good human beings, one who respects women, one who knows the line they should draw internally when talking to women. To teach our sons not to allow anyone around them to belittle women and make them feel any less than they deserve, to listen to them actively.

Most importantly to make women feel that they are really “Holding up half the sky”

Random Thoughts – Gender Equality

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2000px-igualtat_de_sexes-svgThis week, I’ve had many thoughts swirling in my head, which I thought needed a post all by itself, rather than put it down in my weekly update, where it may not be really relevant.

One of the big news in the papers last week was about the risqué and sometimes obscene games played at the freshmen orientation at the National University of Singapore (NUS). Apparently, this is common in other Singapore universities too – Nanyang Technological University (NTU) and Singapore Management University (SMU). Reports said that the games were very sexualised in nature with some even invoking feelings of incest.

16d42f1Orientation camps are a chance for the incoming freshmen to meet other new students and make friends. As parents of young teens who will soon get into one of these universities (hopefully), this is cause for concern to me. Since all Singaporean and Singapore Permanent Resident males have to complete their national service before they enter university, this means that there is a two-year gap in age between the men and women who enter the freshman year. This becomes as much as six years or more when you compare a female freshman versus a male final year student.

Some students (both male and female) who were at the orientation didn’t feel that the games were wrong, which lead me to think how they thought of female emancipation. Games like this, which are often under the leadership of the student council and perhaps the university management tacitly condone sexism and misogyny at a very impressionable age. It becomes worse because, in these games, it’s often the men who play the aggressor and the women, the victims. I am a feminist and I strongly believe that when young men look at women in such a sexual way, in what is essentially a very non-sexual environment, then it leads them to be conditioned to think of women in such ways in other such non-sexual environments such as at work. This leads to a life-long tendency to believe that women are very inferior to them and always act in ways which do not demonstrate true gender equality. I guess when men who do not want to take part in such games, protest, they are then ridiculed and called names for being wimps!

The university has stopped all these games for this year at least and hopefully this will lead to a serious review on what can and cannot be acceptable.

stock-vector-colourful-hands-with-male-and-female-symbol-love-marriage-gender-equality-human-rights-and-120122377This actually leads to the other thing I have been thinking about for a week now. I usually steer clear of politics and since I am not a political commentator, I like to leave that to the experts. But I am sure everyone, including me, is watching the US Presidential elections run-up. I was very happy when the democrats finally (really finally!) elected a woman to become their nominee, in what was a historical moment in the history of the country. I along with millions of women worldwide cheered at this, but I was also a bit perturbed that it took them almost 240 years after independence to have a woman at spitting distance of the highest office in the country. For a country which calls itself the ‘greatest country in the world’, this is a bit disturbing as it does not really show that this greatness also lies in the equality of its daughters and sons.

However, the most disturbing part of the election campaign has been the republican nominee. I cringe each time I read about his comments on women, minorities, the disabled, (basically everyone except the traditional white male). At times I think nobody can be like this – misogynistic, rash and irresponsible, and wonder if this is the persona he has adopted to win the elections, then I read another article about him, going back to before he was the nominee and decide I was wrong, maybe he is like that in real life too. Then I really shudder and think of the country and its future.

As a woman, as someone who passionately believes in the equality of the sexes and as someone who believes in equal rights for everyone, I really hope this person does not win. If he does, women’s lib and emancipation will probably retrograde back to 1776 when America became free of the British and the words “Freedom”, “Liberty” and “Equality” are just words in the constitution

Ode to a Saree

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8e68083407d603b3a20f519a36735bc8The very word ‘Saree or Sari’ evokes a sense of pure bliss for the six yards of fabric which exude grace and elegance. This traditional Indian garment for women is in every Indian woman’s wardrobe, even if she is not a saree wearer, but she will wear a saree for very special occasions.

I used to love wearing the saree and have loads of memories pre-marriage of wearing them. Back in college, we used to have ‘Saree Day’ and ‘Traditional Day’ each year, where girls would wear the saree on saree day and either a saree or their traditional dress on traditional day. When we had official functions in college, again the saree would come out and those days the whole college would look so colourful with everyone checking out theirs and their friends sarees and accessories.

Even when I started work, sarees played an important role. Every interview was always in a saree, as this was considered formal wear for women and again when we had important meetings, presentations or visitors we’d all wear sarees to work. Another time the saree was brought out was during festivals. During festivals, everyone came in their festive best and during festivals like Navratri, where each day has a specific colour associated with it, all the women in the office would wear the same colour!

320px-styles_of_sariAfter coming to Singapore, my saree wearing slowed down and after having BB & GG, almost came to a stop! But in the last year or so, I have rediscovered my love for the saree again, what with seeing images of women doing everything in this garment on social media. I’ve now decided to wear them more often, though the heat does everything to discourage me. I’ve also decided to buy more sarees from India’s rich heritage and want to own atleast one saree from every Indian state – from the Bandini of Rajasthan to the Patola of Gujarat to the Kantha of West Bengal to the Muga Silk of Assam to the Sambalpuri of Odisha to the Pochampalli of Telangana to the Paithani from Maharashtra to the Kanjivaram from Tamil Nadu to the Mangalgiri and Gadwal silks from Andhra Pradesh to the Maheshwari and Chanderi from Madhya Pradesh to the Banrasi Silk from Uttar Pradesh to Mysore Silks from Karnataka. The rich cultural heritage of the various Indian states ensure you can never run out of sarees to wear!

Now I am off to arrange my small stack of sarees and make notes on what I need to buy to add to it!