Author Archives: memoriesandsuch

Adulting 101: The Importance of Setting Boundaries in Personal and Professional Life

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Setting boundaries is an essential yet often overlooked aspect of adulthood. It is a skill that helps individuals protect their time, energy, and emotional well-being while fostering respect in personal and professional relationships. Boundaries are not just about saying “no” or distancing yourself; they are about creating space for mutual respect and healthy interactions.

What are boundaries? Boundaries are guidelines, rules, or limits that individuals set to define what they are comfortable with in interactions or relationships. They help clarify acceptable behaviours and ensure that your needs and values are respected.

There are several types of boundaries, each serving a unique purpose. Physical boundaries relate to personal space and physical touch, while emotional boundaries protect your emotional well-being, such as deciding what personal information to share with others. Time boundaries define how you allocate your time to avoid overcommitment or burnout, and mental boundaries protect your thoughts, opinions, and beliefs from manipulation or disrespect. Financial boundaries determine how you manage money and financial responsibilities with others, while digital boundaries define how you engage with technology or social media, such as deciding when and who can contact you.

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Setting boundaries is important. Boundaries safeguard your mental health by preventing emotional exhaustion or manipulation. They allow you to focus on your priorities without feeling overwhelmed by the demands of others. Healthy boundaries strengthen personal and professional relationships. They foster mutual respect, reduce misunderstandings, and ensure that both parties feel valued. Boundaries, especially in professional settings, help prevent overwork and burnout. They allow you to manage workloads effectively and maintain a healthy work-life balance. Setting boundaries demonstrates self-respect. It shows that you value your time, energy, and feelings and expect others to do the same. Boundaries help you focus on your goals and personal development by shielding you from distractions or negative influences.

While boundaries are essential, many young adults struggle to set and enforce them due to various factors. The fear of upsetting others or being rejected can prevent individuals from asserting their boundaries. Feelings of guilt or obligation may lead people to prioritise others’ needs over their own, resulting in weak or non-existent boundaries. Some individuals may not be aware of their own boundaries or may struggle to articulate them. Cultural or societal expectations may discourage boundary-setting, particularly in hierarchical or collectivist environments. People who consistently overstep boundaries, whether consciously or unconsciously, can make it difficult to maintain them.

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Personal boundaries are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships and fostering self-care. Here’s how young adults can set boundaries in their personal lives:

  • Know your limits: The first step in setting boundaries is understanding your own needs and limits. Reflect on what makes you feel uncomfortable or stressed in personal relationships. Identify triggers and determine situations or behaviours that make you feel drained or uncomfortable. Clarify values and align your boundaries with your core values and priorities.
  • Communicate clearly: Be direct and assertive when communicating your boundaries. Ambiguity can lead to misunderstandings or unintentional boundary violations. Use “I” statements and avoid apologising excessively. Remember that setting boundaries is not a selfish act; there’s no need to apologise for protecting your well-being.
  • Enforce boundaries consistently: Consistency is key to maintaining boundaries. If boundaries are enforced inconsistently, others may disregard them. If someone oversteps your boundaries, address it immediately and remind them of your limits. Be firm in your approach, even if others push back.
  • Manage expectations: Set realistic expectations with friends and family to avoid misunderstandings. Communicate clearly what you can and cannot commit to. It’s okay to prioritise your mental and physical health over social obligations. Learn to decline requests in a respectful but assertive manner.
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Boundaries in the workplace are essential for maintaining productivity, protecting mental health, and fostering respect between colleagues. Here’s how young adults can establish professional boundaries:

  • Define your work hours: Set boundaries around when you are available for work and when you are not, especially if working in flexible or remote environments. Notify colleagues and supervisors about your availability. Resist the urge to answer work emails or messages outside of designated work hours.
  • Manage workload effectively: Learn to say “no” to tasks that exceed your capacity or distract from your priorities. Evaluate requests and assess whether a task aligns with your responsibilities and abilities before agreeing. If tasks can be delegated, share responsibilities with colleagues or team members.
  • Protect your focus: Establish boundaries that minimise distractions and interruptions during critical work periods. Implement signals such as closing your office door or setting your status to “Busy” on communication platforms. Schedule uninterrupted periods for deep work.
  • Address toxic behaviours: Resolve workplace conflicts or address negative behaviours that affect your boundaries. If someone’s behavior crosses professional boundaries, address the issue calmly and constructively. For persistent issues, consider involving your HR department for mediation or support.
  • Advocate for work-life balance: Promote a healthy balance between work and personal life by setting boundaries that protect your time for hobbies, relationships, and self-care. Advocate for regular breaks to recharge during the workday. Don’t feel guilty about using vacation days or taking mental health days.
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Here are some actionable tips for setting and enforcing boundaries effectively:

  • Practice self-awareness: Understand your needs, values, and triggers to identify where boundaries are necessary.
  • Start small: Begin with simple boundaries and gradually expand as you gain confidence.
  • Use assertive communication: Express boundaries clearly and confidently while being respectful of others.
  • Be consistent: Maintain boundaries consistently to ensure they are respected.
  • Prepare for pushback: Expect some resistance, especially if individuals are unaccustomed to boundaries. Stay firm and confident.
  • Seek support: Discuss boundary challenges with trusted friends, family members, or mentors for guidance and encouragement.
  • Don’t feel guilty: Setting boundaries is an act of self-respect and self-care. Avoid guilt for prioritizing your well-being.
  • Reflect and adjust: Periodically reassess your boundaries to ensure they align with your current needs and values.
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While boundary-setting is beneficial, challenges may arise. Here’s how to navigate common obstacles:

  • Overstepping by others: If someone repeatedly crosses your boundaries, calmly but firmly remind them of your limits. If the behavior persists, consider limiting interactions.
  • Fear of conflict: Conflict can be uncomfortable, but it’s important to address boundary violations constructively to prevent resentment or burnout.
  • Feelings of guilt: Remind yourself that boundaries are necessary for your mental and emotional health. Practice self-compassion to overcome guilt.
  • Pressure to conform: Societal or workplace pressures may challenge your boundaries. Stay true to your values and be assertive in enforcing them.
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Setting boundaries is an essential skill for fostering healthy relationships in both personal and professional life. By clearly defining limits, communicating assertively, and consistently enforcing boundaries, young adults can protect their time, energy, and emotional well-being while cultivating respect and mutual understanding. Remember, boundaries are not about building walls—they’re about creating space for growth, self-care, and meaningful connections. With practice and confidence, you can master the art of boundary-setting and lead a balanced, fulfilling life.

2025 Week 41 Update

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And just like that, my ten-odd days in Bangalore ended, and I landed in Singapore early this morning. The week I spent with my parents, one-on-one, was very fulfilling. I took them to doctor appointments, went to the bank on their behalf, and tried to make their life a little easier. With my father’s Parkinson’s disease progressing fast, it’s hard for him to do all that he used to do, so I spent time not only with him but also with my mom trying to teach her some tech so she is not as incapacitated as she might be when he declines further. I am also seriously considering visiting them at least a couple of times a year, with or without my family, and spending a week to try to close up loose ends.

In today’s quote, American researcher, author, and professor at the University of Houston, known for her pioneering work on vulnerability, courage, shame, and empathy, Brené Brown describes perfectionism as a heavy burden disguised as protection. Many people believe that striving for flawlessness will keep them safe from criticism, judgment, or failure. However, perfectionism doesn’t protect; it restricts. Instead of allowing us to grow, take risks, and embrace authenticity, it weighs us down with fear and unrealistic expectations. Brown likens perfectionism to a massive shield: it seems like it offers safety, but in reality, it prevents us from moving forward freely. True progress and fulfilment come not from perfection, but from vulnerability, courage, and self-acceptance.

BB and I crossed paths with each other; he returned to Singapore, almost when I was leaving. So I didn’t get to spend time with him after being apart for almost a month. So this week, I will spend some time with him. And his national service is also coming to an end, which is a huge relief for him, I guess. GG is super busy with school, so there’s no real update from her side.

That’s all from me. I am super exhausted because for a 4-hour flight, I need to leave for the airport about 6 hours ahead of time so that I can navigate the horrible Bangalore traffic!

Take care, stay safe, keep smiling, and remain positive!

In My Hands Today…

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Readicide: How Schools Are Killing Reading and What You Can Do About It – Kelly Gallagher

The systematic killing of the love of reading often exacerbated by the inane, mind-numbing practices found in schools. Reading is dying in our schools. Educators are familiar with many of the factors that have contributed to the decline, poverty, second-language issues, and the ever-expanding choices of electronic entertainment.

In this provocative book How Schools are Killing Reading and What You Can Do About It, author and teacher Kelly Gallagher suggests it is time to recognize a new and significant contributor to the death of our schools.

Readicide, Gallagher argues that American schools are actively (though unwittingly) furthering the decline of reading. Specifically, he contends that the standard instructional practices used in most schools are killing reading standardized testing over the development of lifelong readers.

Mandating breadth over depth in instruction and requiring students to read difficult texts without proper instructional support and insisting students focus on academic texts Ignoring the importance of developing recreational reading losing sight of authentic instruction in the looming shadow of political pressures. Readicide provides teachers, literacy coaches, and administrators with specific steps to reverse the downward spiral in reading; steps that will help prevent the loss of another generation of readers.

Sacred Stones, Spaces and Stories: Shakthipeeta Part 23

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Muktinath Temple, Thorong La Pass, Nepal
The Muktinath Temple, located in the Mustang District near the base of the Thorong La Pass, is one of the most sacred pilgrimage sites for Hindus and Buddhists alike. Known as a Mukti Kshetra or a place of liberation, this temple is revered as one of the 51 Shakti Peethas, where parts of Goddess Sati’s body are believed to have fallen.

At Muktinath, it is said that the forehead or Mukha of Sati fell. The temple is dedicated to Maa Gandaki Chandi, a form of Goddess Shakti, and Chakrapani Bhairava, a manifestation of Lord Shiva. Nestled at an altitude of 3,710 metres or 12,172 feet in the Himalayas, this sacred site blends natural beauty with profound spiritual significance.

The origins of Muktinath Temple are steeped in Hindu and Buddhist traditions. While its exact history is uncertain, records trace its existence back to the 1st century AD, making it one of the oldest religious sites in Nepal. The temple has been mentioned in various ancient scriptures and epics, including the Devi Bhagavata Purana and Skanda Purana. The great Indian philosopher Adi Shankaracharya is believed to have visited Muktinath in the 8th century and established it as an important pilgrimage site for Hindus. Over centuries, local rulers and devotees contributed to its preservation and prominence.

For Hindus, Muktinath is one of the eight Svayam Vyakta Kshetras or self-manifested shrines dedicated to Lord Vishnu and one of the 108 Divya Desams revered by Vaishnavites. For Buddhists, it is known as Chumig Gyatsa or a Hundred Waters and is considered a tantric site associated with Avalokitesvara or the Buddha. This dual religious significance makes Muktinath a unique symbol of harmony between two major faiths.

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The central shrine houses a golden idol of Lord Vishnu in his self-manifested form, Svayam Vyakta. The idol exudes an aura of serenity and divinity. A separate shrine within the complex is dedicated to Maa Gandaki Chandi. Her presence symbolises the feminine cosmic energy that sanctifies this Shakti Peetha. Surrounding the temple are 108 bull-faced water spouts known as Mukti Dhara. Pilgrims believe that bathing under these icy streams washes away sins and grants liberation or moksha. A natural flame burns continuously near the temple over a water spring. Known as Jwala Mai, this flame symbolises Brahma, the creator and represents the eternal nature of life.

For Hindus, Muktinath represents salvation through Vishnu’s grace. For Buddhists, it is associated with Avalokitesvara or the Buddha and revered as one of their 24 tantric sites. Tibetan Buddhists believe that Muktinath houses 21 Taras or female deities and Dakinis or sky dancers, making it a sacred tantric site. Located along the Annapurna Circuit trekking route, the temple offers breathtaking views of snow-capped peaks, lush valleys, and serene landscapes.

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Pilgrims take a ritualistic bath under the 108 water spouts surrounding the temple. This act symbolises purification from sins and spiritual renewal. Despite freezing temperatures, devotees believe that enduring this hardship brings them closer to liberation. Pilgrims perform circumambulation or parikrama around both the temple complex and nearby Lake Gandaki as an act of devotion. Special fire rituals or hawan are conducted near Jwala Mai during auspicious occasions. Devotees offer ghee, rice, and herbs into the sacred fire while chanting Vedic mantras.

Daily pujas are performed by priests who offer flowers, especially lotus, fruits, incense sticks, and Tulsi leaves. Morning Aarti begins at sunrise with hymns like Vishnu Sahasranama, while evening Aarti concludes with lighting oil lamps around the shrine. Maha Shivratri is celebrated with devotees observing fasts and performing night-long prayers dedicated to Chakrapani Bhairava aka Lord Shiva.

According to legend, Lord Vishnu sought refuge at Muktinath after being cursed by Sage Vrinda for deceiving her husband Jalandhar during battle. To atone for his actions, Vishnu turned into a Shaligram stone at this site until he attained liberation or moksha. The black ammonite fossils found in the Kali Gandaki River are considered sacred manifestations of Vishnu. Another legend states that Tulasi Devi’s body transformed into the Gandaki River after she cursed Vishnu for his deception. Her divine presence sanctifies both the river and Muktinath Temple. Local lore suggests that Jwala Mai represents Brahma’s creative energy that sustains life on Earth. Pilgrims believe that meditating near this flame grants wisdom and enlightenment.

Muktinath Temple offers visitors a unique spiritual experience rooted in mythology and devotion. Whether one seeks salvation or wishes to explore Nepal’s rich cultural heritage intertwined with natural beauty, visiting this ancient shrine will leave one feeling connected to the divine.

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Mithila Temple, Mithila, Nepal
Believed to be where Sati’s left shoulder is said to have fallen, the Mithila Shaktipeeth is located in Janakpur in Nepal’s Mithila region. The temple is dedicated to Uma Devi, a form of Goddess Durga, and Lord Shiva is worshipped here as Lord Mahodar Bhairava.

The temple is located in Janakpur, the ancient capital of Mithila and the birthplace of Goddess Sita, the consort of Lord Rama. This connection to the Ramayana adds another layer of sanctity to the site. The temple has existed for centuries and has been mentioned in various scriptures such as the Devi Bhagavata Purana and Skanda Purana. Over time, it became an important centre for Shaktism and a significant pilgrimage destination for devotees from India and Nepal. The name Mithila is derived from King Mithi, who established this region as a kingdom during ancient times.

The main sanctum houses an idol of Maa Uma Devi made from black stone. She is depicted standing gracefully with multiple arms holding weapons, symbolising her power to protect devotees. Mahodar Bhairava’s idol is also present within the complex, signifying his role as the guardian deity. The temple features traditional Indian architecture with intricate carvings depicting scenes from Hindu mythology. Its walls are adorned with vibrant frescoes showcasing various aspects of Goddess Durga and other deities. The temple structure resembles a fort with four minaret-like towers and a grand entrance gate. Within the temple complex lies an ancient shrine known as Sona Mai Mandir, dedicated to an older form of Devi worshipped in Mithilachal, the larger Mithila region.

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A sacred pond near the temple is believed to have purifying powers. Devotees often take ritualistic baths here before entering the temple premises. Janakpur’s association with Sita Devi adds another dimension to its sanctity. Many pilgrims visit both Mithila Shaktipeeth and Janaki Mandir, dedicated to Goddess Sita during their pilgrimage.

Daily pujas are performed by priests. Morning Aarti begins at sunrise with chanting of hymns like Durga Saptashati, while evening Aarti concludes with lighting oil lamps around the shrine. Navratri is celebrated twice a year with grand rituals and devotees observe fasting during these nine days to seek blessings for prosperity and protection. Durga Puja is also celebrated at Mithila Shaktipeeth with elaborate rituals conducted over nine days. The temple is adorned with flowers and lights during this festival.

An elaborate Abhishekam ritual involves bathing the idol with milk, honey, ghee, curd, and holy water while chanting Vedic mantras. Janaki Navami, celebrated in May, marks Sita Devi’s birth anniversary and attracts thousands of devotees who visit both Mithila Shaktipeeth and Janaki Mandir.

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According to legend, King Janaka discovered an idol of Maa Uma Devi while plowing a field as part of a yajna ritual. This discovery marked the beginning of Devi worship in Mithila and established it as a sacred region. It is believed that the great Sanskrit poet Kalidasa received divine blessings at Mithila Shaktipeeth before composing his masterpieces such as Meghadoota and Raghuvamsha. Devotees believe that praying at Mithila Shaktipeeth cures ailments and grants peace of mind. Many pilgrims visit specifically seeking Maa Uma Devi’s intervention in resolving personal or familial issues.

The location of Mithila Shaktipeeth at Janakpur, which is the birthplace of Goddess Sita is a starting point to explore Nepal’s rich cultural heritage intertwined with Hindu mythology.

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Guhyeshwari Temple, Kathmandu, Nepal
The Guhyeshwari Temple is located on the southern bank of the Bagmati River in Kathmandu. It is believed that the knees of Goddess Sati fell at this site, sanctifying it as a Shakti Peetha. The temple is dedicated to Guhyekali, a form of Goddess Shakti, and Lord Kapali Bhairava, a manifestation of Lord Shiva. Nestled amidst the vibrant Kathmandu Valley and just a kilometre away from the famous Pashupatinath Temple, Guhyeshwari Temple is both a spiritual sanctuary and an architectural marvel.

The temple’s name is derived from two Sanskrit words: Guhya which means secret or hidden, and Ishwari which means a goddess, symbolising the goddess’s mystical and esoteric nature. The temple has been a centre for Tantric practices since ancient times and is mentioned in sacred texts like the Kali Tantra, Chandi Tantra, and Shiva Tantra Rahasya. These scriptures highlight its importance as a place for attaining spiritual enlightenment through Tantric rituals.

Historically, the temple was constructed during the rule of King Shanker Dev of the Lichhavi period with assistance from Narasingha Thakur, a noted Tantric practitioner. It was later renovated in 1654 by King Pratap Malla under the guidance of Lambakarna Bhatta, another renowned Tantric scholar. The temple has since been preserved as a vital site for Hindu worship.

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The central sanctum houses a sacred water jar or kalasha that represents Maa Guhyekali instead of a traditional idol. The kalasha is adorned with silver and gold coatings and rests on a stone foundation that covers an underground natural water spring. Vapours emanating from the edges of this foundation are believed to symbolise divine energy. The temple features traditional Newari architecture with a four-tiered pagoda-style roof adorned with gilded nagas or serpents that protect the finial. Intricate wood carvings and metalwork embellish the structure, reflecting Nepalese craftsmanship.

The temple is considered one of the most powerful centres for Tantric practices. It is believed that practitioners can gain mastery over esoteric knowledge and spiritual powers by performing rituals here. Located just one kilometre from the Pashupatinath Temple, Guhyeshwari is often visited by pilgrims as part of their journey to honour both Lord Shiva and Goddess Shakti. Unlike other temples where deities are depicted in upright forms, Maa Guhyekali’s representation here is flat-headed and parallel to the ground, symbolising humility and hidden power.

Special Tantric rituals are conducted during auspicious nights like Amavasya to invoke Maa Guhyekali’s blessings for spiritual growth or supernatural powers. These rites involve offerings such as red cloth, vermilion, liquor, and meat—symbolic elements in Tantric worship. Navratri is celebrated with great fervour at Guhyeshwari Temple. Devotees observe fasting and participate in special prayers to honor Maa Guhyekali’s nurturing aspect. The temple becomes crowded during these nine days as pilgrims seek blessings for prosperity and protection. An annual fair, the Guhyeshwari Jatra held in November attracts thousands of devotees who gather for rituals, cultural performances, and community feasts. It is believed that couples who marry at Guhyeshwari Temple will remain soulmates for seven lifetimes. Special marriage ceremonies are conducted here upon request.

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According to legend, Maa Guhyekali chose to manifest herself in a hidden form beneath the ground at this site to protect her devotees from negative forces. This explains why her representation here is flat-headed rather than upright. Ancient texts describe how sages like Narasingha Thakur attained mastery over Tantra by meditating at Guhyeshwari Temple. It is said that even today, practitioners experience heightened spiritual energy while performing rituals here. Devotees believe that praying at Guhyeshwari Temple cures ailments and grants peace of mind.

The Guhyeshwari Temple with its sacred kalash, tantric rituals and legends in the serene Kathmandu valley is a must-visit place for those who seek spiritual solace.

In My Hands Today…

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On Food and Cooking: The Science and Lore of the Kitchen – Harold McGee

Harold McGee’s On Food and Cooking is a kitchen classic. Hailed by Time magazine as “a minor masterpiece” when it first appeared in 1984, On Food and Cooking is the bible to which food lovers and professional chefs worldwide turn for an understanding of where our foods come from, what exactly they’re made of, and how cooking transforms them into something new and delicious. Now, for its twentieth anniversary, Harold McGee has prepared a new, fully revised and updated edition of On Food and Cooking. He has rewritten the text almost completely, expanded it by two-thirds, and commissioned more than 100 new illustrations. As compulsively readable and engaging as ever, the new On Food and Cooking provides countless eye-opening insights into food, its preparation, and its enjoyment.

On Food and Cooking pioneered the translation of technical food science into cook-friendly kitchen science and helped give birth to the inventive culinary movement known as “molecular gastronomy.” Though other books have now been written about kitchen science, On Food and Cooking remains unmatched in the accuracy, clarity, and thoroughness of its explanations, and the intriguing way in which it blends science with the historical evolution of foods and cooking techniques.

Among the major themes addressed throughout this new edition are:

  • Traditional and modern methods of food production and their influences on food quality
  • The great diversity of methods by which people in different places and times have prepared the same ingredients
  • Tips for selecting the best ingredients and preparing them successfully
  • The particular substances that give foods their flavors and that give us pleasure
  • Our evolving knowledge of the health benefits and risks of foods
  • On Food and Cooking is an invaluable and monumental compendium of basic information about ingredients, cooking methods, and the pleasures of eating. It will delight and fascinate anyone who has ever cooked, savored, or wondered about food.