āWhatās in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweetā ā William Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet
Once upon a timeā¦..actually this start has nothing to do with my post today, but since this is something Iāve thought over a long time, I decided to use it!
Iāve been a feminist for a long time, even before I knew what the word meant. I guess, growing up without any brothers meant that my sister and I were given a more liberal upbringing than most girls we knew. That might have been the starting of my innate feminism I guess!
Growing up, I always wondered why a woman should change her name to reflect that of her husband when she got married. I didnāt really do anything about this because this was the norm in India when I was growing up and I didnāt see anyone bucking this. However, this changed when I started working. One of my first supervisors, a wonderful woman, got married when we were working together and didnāt change her name. However, HR assumed she would do so and I remember the first day she came back after her honeymoon, she got a note and in the envelope was her married name: Mrs. XXX
She was furious and sent out a note to HR letting them know that unless she officially sent them intimation about her name change, they could not arbitrarily change her name without her permission. I witnessed the whole drama and asked her why. She replied that she is a person in her own right and is not an extension of her husband and so is not planning to change her name, now or ever. This got me thinking and I also started looking at the possibility of not changing my name when I got married.
When I got married later in life, there was not much time to do anything except get to Singapore after the wedding. In this hustle and bustle, the whole process of changing names just got left over. My passport was in my maiden name and changing names (Indian bureaucracy is to be seen to be believed) would mean I could not fly to Singapore with S. In fact, if I remember correctly, this topic didnāt appear in anyoneās consciousness and I flew to Singapore in my maiden name.
Then I decided, I will not change me name. My whole life, prior to my wedding, was as important to me as my life after it, and so a name change will probably mean starting a new life from zero. Also all school and work records are in my maiden name, so this will mean a big explanation each time I show these records to potential employers. I also thought that since my parents raised me to be the person I am today, it is only right I honour them by continuing to keep my maiden name.
S was cool about this since most women do not change names after marriage in Singapore. This is because they get their National Registration Identity Card (NRIC) at the age of 15, when no-one is married and so girls continue with this name through their lives.
I sometimes wonder if this would have been a bigger issue if I lived elsewhere than Singapore, but cāst la vie!
Isnāt it unfair that guys donāt have to do anything like this? What do you think?
Memories and Such 