Category Archives: Life

My Name is My Own

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“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet” – William Shakespeare in Romeo and Juliet

Once upon a time…..actually this start has nothing to do with my post today, but since this is something I’ve thought over a long time, I decided to use it!

I’ve been a feminist for a long time, even before I knew what the word meant. I guess, growing up without any brothers meant that my sister and I were given a more liberal upbringing than most girls we knew. That might have been the starting of my innate feminism I guess!

Growing up, I always wondered why a woman should change her name to reflect that of her husband when she got married. I didn’t really do anything about this because this was the norm in India when I was growing up and I didn’t see anyone bucking this. However, this changed when I started working. One of my first supervisors, a wonderful woman, got married when we were working together and didn’t change her name. However, HR assumed she would do so and I remember the first day she came back after her honeymoon, she got a note and in the envelope was her married name: Mrs. XXX

She was furious and sent out a note to HR letting them know that unless she officially sent them intimation about her name change, they could not arbitrarily change her name without her permission. I witnessed the whole drama and asked her why. She replied that she is a person in her own right and is not an extension of her husband and so is not planning to change her name, now or ever. This got me thinking and I also started looking at the possibility of not changing my name when I got married.

When I got married later in life, there was not much time to do anything except get to Singapore after the wedding. In this hustle and bustle, the whole process of changing names just got left over. My passport was in my maiden name and changing names (Indian bureaucracy is to be seen to be believed) would mean I could not fly to Singapore with S. In fact, if I remember correctly, this topic didn’t appear in anyone’s consciousness and I flew to Singapore in my maiden name.

Then I decided, I will not change me name. My whole life, prior to my wedding, was as important to me as my life after it, and so a name change will probably mean starting a new life from zero. Also all school and work records are in my maiden name, so this will mean a big explanation each time I show these records to potential employers. I also thought that since my parents raised me to be the person I am today, it is only right I honour them by continuing to keep my maiden name.

S was cool about this since most women do not change names after marriage in Singapore. This is because they get their National Registration Identity Card (NRIC) at the age of 15, when no-one is married and so girls continue with this name through their lives.

I sometimes wonder if this would have been a bigger issue if I lived elsewhere than Singapore, but c’st la vie!

Isn’t it unfair that guys don’t have to do anything like this? What do you think?

2015 Week 42 Update

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The week was mostly spent in Penang on holiday! We left last Sunday and returned back on Wednesday afternoon. Since Thursday was Dusshera, I decided not to go to work and only went back on Friday!

Penang was fun and deserves multiple blog posts which I will do in the coming weeks!

Since I was at work only one day, it was manageable, but there is still a lot of angst and anger in me here. I need to keep reminding myself to be positive, and sometimes that is very hard! I’ve also started writing my positivity journal, so that should help I guess!

We spent the weekend cleaning the house and getting it ready for Diwali. Most Indian homes will do a major clean-up at this time, and we are also the same. I threw away a lot of unwanted things and it felt good doing that. After that, promptly went shopping to buy more!!

I have also started planning what sweets and savouries to make for Diwali, will probably post recipes too of those…

Off to work now, need to channel loads of positivity and get through the week without getting angry and pissing myself off!

Travel: The only thing you buy which makes you richer!

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“The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.” – Saint Augustine

We’re leaving Penang in a few hours now and I am already having ‘Holiday Blues’. I love taking holidays and love the whole process – right from researching locations and hotels to tracking airfares, planning the itineraries and looking for great places to eat…. I am a planner by nature and so this job automatically falls to me. I can even spend time reading on the best way to pack!

I want to see the whole world and experience not onluy different cultures, but also unique experiences in each of the places we visit. We’ve not done a lot of travel till now, preferring to visit places in the region, rather than travelling afar, but now that BB & GG are all grown up, it’ll be fun to visit newer and more adventurous places without having anxious thoughts on nap and meal times!

One place I really want to visit is Europe. I love reading historical fiction and loads of these are set in Europe. I want to experience the Pantheon, the Tower of London, the castles of England, Scotland and Ireland, the Louvre and the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Oh and the art in all the galleries!! All those places I have only read about, I want to see and breathe in the air.

I have always believed that travel gives you that edge of sophistication that nothing else does and it is for this reason that I want GG & BB to see as much of the world as we can afford before they are thrust upon the world. Travel is an education that no school can provide you, it teaches you to go out of your comfort zone and learn to get along with people from diverse cultures. Children grow up to be well rounded individuals with a global perspective which will stand them in good stead through their lives and in anything they choose to do in life. How better to learn about the beauty of this planet we call home than by travelling….

Gosh! All this talk of travel is making me itchy to go somewhere else. We do have our trip to India to look forward to in December, but now I really need to save up and go somewhere else….

I need to get going now or we’ll miss our flight back home, but once I am back home and have sorted the hundreds of photos we took, I’ll do a couple of posts on Penang.

2015 Week 41 Update

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The last week was one of the sorts I like – a fairly busy week! When I am busy, I don’t over think and the day at work zips by. I love such weeks! When I am free and don’t have much to do, I tend to snack often and then have to find things to look busy. I hate such days! I am actually underworked here, so these days are more often there than busy days….

Since it is Navratri, people have been inviting us, but what with work and the holidays, I could only go to my inlaws place on Friday. She does this every year and so after work, I dolled up in a saree and went there. Spent a pleasant evening chatting with people I see only once a year!

Then Saturday was the day when BB & GG, along with others performed at a nearby temple. They are learning South Indian classical music or Carnatic music for a few years now and every year during Navratri, the teacher puts up a performance at a local temple where her students can sing. This year, their class, which mostly has PSLE students didn’t have enough practice as most of them didn’t go to class in the month before the exams. But in spite of that, the children did a great job. I am really happy that both GG & BB, especially GG, enjoy singing!

We’re in Penang for a few days, taking a well-deserved break part 1 after the grueling year that was the PSLE. I’m taking loads of pictures and will post more about these later on!

Have a great week folks!

Positive Thinking

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If you have been reading about me for a while, you’d know that for the past few months, I’ve not been very happy at work. My boss changed and the new guy who came in is not as positive about me as the previous one. I’ve been feeling very demoralized lately and in the past few weeks have been starting to look for newer positions.

In the midst of all this, I realized I needed some words of encouragement and started searching for some nice quotes to cheer me up. This one popped out and resonated with me.

I am one of those people who want to think positively, but immediately start thinking of what is the worst that can happen. It can be any situation; I veer between 100% and 0% with 100% being best possible outcome and 0% being the worst possible outcome. I really want 100% to happen, but am scared I will jinx myself, so start planning for 0%!

Reading the above quote made me think maybe my thinking is all wrong – what if I only had positive thoughts, will it make a difference? I read a couple of articles on the Power of Positivity and well, they all say the same thing which is that when you think negatively, your thoughts and emotions narrow your mind and focus on these negative thoughts. They do not allow you to see other, maybe better options which are also open and available. This is a basic survival instinct which has stayed on over the years, even though most of us don’t need it in day-to-day life these days.

On the other hand, having positive thoughts opens up your mind, allowing you to see more possibilities in life which actually allow you to have a broader view of life, one filled with more positive options.

For someone like me, who is not normally a positive person, to cultivate and increase positive thinking in our lives, you could think of anything that sparks these feelings. Or things like meditating daily for a few minutes builds mindfulness and a general sense of calm which will help with bringing forth the positive emotions when you need them. Writing daily, especially a positive experience daily will help reinforce that feeling; a daily gratitude book where you look for things that you are grateful for will also help. Another thing that helps is doing things you enjoy – whatever it may be – this helps you zone out and kick up those positive endorphins!

I’m glad I saw this quote and read the articles. I am going to seriously do this and what better day to start this than next Thursday which is Dusshera, the day of good and auspicious beginnings. I’m off on a holiday in the next two days and will spend the next 4-5 days mulling about this and when I am back the day before Dusshera, I will start by meditating a few minutes daily and also start a gratitude book. I am also going to talk BB & GG in trying this. This transition from Primary to Secondary school is the best to start such good practices which they should be able to do for the rest of their lives.
Hopefully, over the next few months, I will have a better mindset and my brain does the rest!

Here are some nice positivity quotes (more for me than you :-))

I like this one – I will choose happiness everyday!

Another great attitude to have in life!