The Tiara Syndrome: Something that will never happen unless you ask for it

Posted on January 21, 2022 by memoriesandsuch

A term coined by Carol Frohlinger and Deborah Kolb, the founders of Negotiating Women, Inc, the Tiara Syndrome or the Tiara Effect is used to describe how many women approach salary and raise negotiations.

As Carol Frohlinger says, “Women expect that if they keep doing their job well someone will notice them and place a tiara on their head. That never happens.”

The fact is, most women don’t negotiate. That tiara is the recognition in the form of increased salary or pay. Women believe that they will be recognised for their value and automatically be paid what they are worth but the reality is, you have to ask for what you want. And if you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

In her bestselling book, Lean-In, Sheryl Sandberg says, “Women are also more reluctant to apply for promotions even when deserved, often believing that good job performance will naturally lead to rewards.”

Many women feel that working hard and doing a good job will be enough and the reality is that women are often extremely conscientious at delivering against their objectives. Just as at school where girls’ conscientiousness often leads to higher academic results than achieved by boys, many women believe that this same strategy will lead to success at work. However, sometimes this very diligence gets in the way of fast-tracking their careers. Many women are so so focused on doing the operational aspects of their job well that they don’t have time to step back and focus on strategic priorities and they often feel they do not have space in their busy working weeks to fit in networking which is seen as an unnecessary, and often uncomfortable, use of their precious time. In the same vein, they do not seek mentors to guide them or get the support of sponsors to give them the invaluable exposure and opportunities needed to step up to senior leadership positions.

Academic psychologist Cordelia Fine says such behaviour stems from socialisation, not innate differences between the sexes. And, of course, some men are sufferers, just as many women aren’t. But how do those who have been schooled not to boast learn to champion their cause and get over tiara syndrome?

A 2003 study of thirty-eight business students conducted University of California at Irvine discovered that 85% of the men believed that it was up to them to make sure their company paid them what they were worth. Only 17% of the women in the study believed this to be the case. The remaining 15% of the men and 83% of women assumed their worth would be determined by what their company paid them. The Tiara Syndrome only adds to the pay disparity between men and women. If we don’t ask for more pay based on our contributions, the answer is always no.

As women, we don’t negotiate. Most of us don’t negotiate our first job offer, which has been calculated to equal $500,000 over the length of her career. And all because we don’t speak up for ourselves and our worth.

So why do we women avoid negotiating? This is to a large extent because of the social conditioning females are brought up in where we are always told to be polite and quiet. Asking for money seems, greedy and rude and it is also uncomfortable. Frohlinger advises women to keep a work journal by month detailing the projects and accomplishments achieved, client kudos, amounts in new business created, or savings generated. This compelling evidence of their value to the company can be persuasively presented during a salary negotiation. Even if one gets an automatic raise annually, this substantiation of the corporate value could pay off in a larger increase. If you are stepping into a new role or moving to a new organization, don’t settle for the first offer.

Tory Johnson, the CEO of Women for Hire and Good Morning America’s career expert recommends the following for negotiating that initial offer. Start positive and get the whole compensation package in writing if it has been verbal so far. Be firm. If you have been offered a package lower than your expectations, then let them know politely with an emphasis on the skills and experience you bring to the role and ask them how much wriggle room is available. Every organisation will have a wriggle room, especially for someone they deem the best fit. Follow up especially if the hiring manager is firm on their offer. Work towards reaching an agreement, on paper, for a salary negotiation or review within a pre-determined period. Also try and negotiate on non-money aspects like vacation time, flexible working arrangements, medical benefits, etc.

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What are the blocks that don’t allow extremely able women from progressing? These include insufficient impact and presence and lack of a strong personal brand, a lowered productivity and overwhelm through being pulled in too many directions at once as well as poor work-life balance, a belief that doing a good job will be enough and not seeking sponsors, discomfort with networking both internally and externally, being insufficiently strategic and too stuck in the detail, a lack of strategic career planning and reduced confidence and lack of self-belief as a leader.

If you suffer from this syndrome, here’s what you can do to overcome it:

Own your career, acknowledge that you suffer from the syndrome and come up with an action plan. If you don’t like talking about it, use technology instead. Copy your boss into relevant emails and share them on your professional social media accounts. Keep a career journal to keep a record of your accomplishments. This is great for building evidence required for negotiations, it can be confidence boosting and be useful for CVs, appraisals, and other career development opportunities. Stop comparing yourself to others and plan for and maximise the formal opportunities for negotiation, whether for a pay rise or a promotion. Build your brand and internal network. Your brand also includes managing your energetic presence, personal image and communication, including body language. Harness Your Potential which includes identifying and capitalising on strengths as well as being clear about which weaker areas are mission-critical and maximising time and energy. Creating a balance between work and other aspects of life is also vital for sustainable career success. Cultivate supportive relationships within your current work setting as well as the wider professional network, including sponsors and mentors. It is important to be able to initiate these relationships, enhance your influence and also handle difficult relationships. Focus on strategy and volunteer for strategic or extra credit projects so that you can develop an idea of the big picture. Thinking like a leader is necessary to develop a leadership mindset and this includes handling the little voice of doubt that we all have in our heads and also learning to let go of some of what we have excelled at to take on even higher level leadership tasks.

It’s naive to think that delivering excellent results is all that it takes to succeed in the workplace. The playing field is not yet equal for women; the fact is that women have to negotiate for things their male colleagues can often take for granted. In addition to the obvious issue regarding compensation, women should negotiate for high visibility assignments, the resources they need to get the job done, support from those senior in the organization and buy-in from colleagues. They should also negotiate in their personal lives for the things that will enable them to be successful in the workplace. Effective negotiation is a prerequisite to “leaning in”. As Sheryl Sandberg says, “Do not wait for power to be offered. Like that tiara, it might never materialise.” So to all the women reading this post, if you have the Tiara Syndrome, shrug it off and know that you too are worth it!

The Importance of Sleep

Posted on January 19, 2022 by memoriesandsuch

Where sleep is concerned, our household is divided cleanly down the middle. GG and I prefer a decent bedtime while BB and S can go on for a long time. While GG and I can stay up late, our energies are noticeably depleted and we prefer to sleep early so we are awake early. On the other hand, BB and S can go on past midnight working, playing games or watching television with no difference to their energy and wake up the next day, not as early, but not very late too. BB especially has the best of both worlds according to GG. He can sleep late like S and wake up early, bright as a button the moment he opens his eyes like me.

The past few months, BB and I have been having this ongoing discussion on why he should sleep early, especially if it’s a weekday and so I thought I should share my findings with you. Read on to find out why sleep is so important and that by burning the midnight oil, how we set ourselves up for failure.

A vital, often neglected, component of every person’s overall health and well-being, Sleep is an essential function that allows the body and mind to recharge, leaving one refreshed and alert when they wake up. Sleep is important because it enables the body to repair and be fit and ready for another day. Healthy sleep also helps the body remain healthy and stave off diseases. Without enough sleep, the brain cannot function properly and getting adequate rest may help prevent excess weight gain, heart disease, and increased illness duration which can impair the ability to concentrate, think clearly, and process memories.

An internal body clock regulates one’s sleep cycle, controlling when they feel tired and ready for bed or refreshed and alert. This clock operates on a 24-hour cycle known as the circadian rhythm. After waking up from sleep, one will become increasingly tired throughout the day with the feelings peaking in the evening leading up to bedtime. This sleep drive, also known as sleep-wake homeostasis, may be linked to adenosine, an organic compound produced in the brain. Adenosine levels increase throughout the day as one becomes more tired, and then the body breaks down this compound during sleep.

Light also influences the circadian rhythm. The brain contains a special region of nerve cells known as the hypothalamus, and a cluster of cells in the hypothalamus called the suprachiasmatic nucleus, which processes signals when the eyes are exposed to natural or artificial light. These signals help the brain determine whether it is day or night. As natural light disappears in the evening, the body will release melatonin, a hormone that induces drowsiness. When the sun rises in the morning, the body will release the hormone known as cortisol that promotes energy and alertness.

Once a person falls asleep, the bodies follow a sleep cycle divided into four stages. The first three stages are known as non-rapid eye movement (NREM) sleep, and the final stage is known as rapid eye movement (REM) sleep. The first stage marks the transition between wakefulness and sleep and consists of light sleep. Muscles relax and the heart rate, breathing, and eye movements begin to slow down, as do brain waves, which are more active when one is awake. Stage 1 typically lasts several minutes. The second NREM sleep stage is characterised by deeper sleep as the heart rate and breathing rates continue slowing down and the muscles become more relaxed. Eye movements will cease and the body temperature will decrease. Apart from some brief moments of higher frequency electrical activity, brain waves also remain slow. Stage 2 is typically the longest of the four sleep stages. The third stage of NREM plays an important role in making one feel refreshed and alert the next day. Heartbeat, breathing, and brain wave activity all reach their lowest levels, and the muscles are as relaxed as they will be. This stage will be longer at first and decrease in duration throughout the night. The first REM stage will occur about 90 minutes after one falls asleep. As the name suggests, the eyes will move back and forth rather quickly under the eyelids. Breathing rate, heart rate, and blood pressure will begin to increase. Dreaming will typically occur during REM sleep, and the arms and legs will become paralysed, it’s believed this is intended to prevent one from physically acting out on their dreams. The duration of each REM sleep cycle increases as the night progresses with numerous studies that have also linked REM sleep to memory consolidation, the process of converting recently learned experiences into long-term memories. The duration of the REM stage will decrease as one ages, causing one to spend more time in the NREM stages.

These four stages will repeat cyclically throughout the night until one wakes up. For most people, the duration of each cycle will last between 90 to 120 minutes and NREM sleep constitutes about 75% to 80% of each cycle. One may also wake up briefly during the night but not remember the next day and these episodes are known as W stages.

For most adults, at least seven hours of sleep each night is needed for proper cognitive and behavioural functions with children and teenagers needing substantially more sleep, particularly if they are younger than five years of age. An insufficient amount of sleep can lead to serious repercussions. Some studies have shown sleep deprivation leaves people vulnerable to attention lapses, reduced cognition, delayed reactions, and mood shifts. It has also been suggested that people can develop a sort of tolerance to chronic sleep deprivation. Even though their brains and bodies struggle due to lack of sleep, they may not be aware of their deficiencies because less sleep feels normal to them. Additionally, lack of sleep has been linked to a higher risk for certain diseases and medical conditions including obesity, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, poor mental health, and early death.

Sleep needs vary from person to person, depending on their age. As a person ages, they typically require less sleep to function properly. According to the CDC, newborns until three months of age need 14 to 17 hours of sleep, infants between 2 to 12 months need 12 to 16 hours and toddlers from one to two need 11 to 14 hours of sleep. Preschool children between 3 to 5 need 10 to 13 hours while children between 6 to 12 years old need around 9 to 12 hours of sleep a day. Teens between 13 and 18 need to clock in 8 to 10 hours of rest while adults until the age of 60 need to maintain an average of 7 hours of sleep daily. As one grows older, sleep schedules change with adults between 61 and 64 needing 7 to 9 hours and those older than 65 need between 7 to 8 hours of sleep daily.

Work schedules, day-to-day stressors, a disruptive bedroom environment, and medical conditions can all prevent one from receiving enough sleep. A healthy diet and positive lifestyle habits can help ensure an adequate amount of sleep each night, but for some, chronic lack of sleep may be the first sign of a sleep disorder.

As well as the number of hours, the quality of sleep is also important. Signs of poor sleep quality include waking in the middle of the night and not feeling rested after an adequate number of hours of sleep. Some things a person should and should not do to improve sleep quality include the following:

Sleep for at least seven hours every day
Have a short nap for an energy booster if you need it during the day as a short nap of 10 to 20 minutes can help recharge energy levels and boost daytime productivity.
Exercise regularly as physical activity can help sleep better.
Relax muscles and release the tension in the body to help sleep better with some simple muscle relaxation exercises.
Establish a realistic bedtime and stick to it every night, even on the weekends.
Follow a bedtime routine. Grab a book, take a warm bath, or listen to some soothing music. A consistent routine can signal to the body to sleep at the same time daily.
Maintain comfortable temperature settings and low light levels in the bedroom.
Turn on the phone’s blue light filter. The night mode function filters out blue light, which inhibits the brain from producing sleep-inducing hormones.
Exercise during the day; this can help one wind down in the evening and prepare for sleep.
Keep the sleep environment comfortable by dimming or switching off the lights in the room or using blackout curtains or eye masks to help block out external light.
Refrain from using tobacco at any time of day or night.
Avoid sleeping in when one has had enough sleep.
Avoid Starving or eating a heavy meal before bedtime. It’s hard to sleep when one’s stomach is rumbling or after a large meal which may cause discomfort. Eat a couple of hours before sleep, or have a glass of milk before heading to bed.
Avoid caffeine or alcohol at night. Coffee is a stimulant that promotes wakefulness while alcohol may cause drowsiness and impact the quality of sleep.
Avoid Using electronics 30 minutes before bedtime as using such devices before bedtime stimulates the mind, making it harder to fall asleep and stay asleep.

If one thinks sleep is just a period of inactivity, then think again. The nightly shut-eye allows the brains to consolidate our learning and memory so we can perform tasks better the next day. When one has enough sleep, they are less likely to overeat and crave junk, and make wiser food choices. Sleep deprivation makes one unable to concentrate, have slow responses, make decisions impulsively and even felt easily annoyed. So tonight, make sure you sleep at least seven hours (more if you are older or younger) because the quantity and quality of sleep determine whether you wake up feeling energised or like a walking zombie.

Poem: Travel

Posted on January 17, 2022 by memoriesandsuch

I wrote this poem sometime in December of last year when travel had just seem possible. Then the Omicorn variant was detected and for a while, travel seemed to become that much harder and difficult.

Travel

Oh what a joy it is to travel
To broaden the horizons, to gather souvenirs
With that first thought, the eyes have a twinkle
To discover new worlds, to conquer new frontiers

At home when you wake up, but across the continent by brunch
Perhaps for a meeting or is that for leisure you fly?
Then in another country to have a late lunch
Where you can finally take a deep breath and say goodbye

And when you come back, the trip still lingers within you
And suddenly when you least expect it, it happens
A memory will pop up once in a blue
Taking you back to that trip, nostalgic beckons

Travel makes one better, inside and outside
Travel opens your mind and makes you wise
Travelling shrinks the world makes it concise
That’s why it is said that travelling is the ultimate prize

Choice Overload Effect

Posted on January 10, 2022 by memoriesandsuch

As with many of my writing inspirations, I came across the term Choice Overload in a book I was reading and it intrigued me enough to find out more. And when I did, I knew I had to write this piece and share it with you all.

Choice overload or overchoice, choice paralysis or the paradox of choice is a cognitive impairment in which people have a difficult time making a decision when faced with many options. While we tend to assume that more choice is a good thing, in many cases, research has shown that we have a harder time choosing from a larger array of options.

The term was first introduced by Alvin Toffler in his 1970 book, Future Shock, but the phenomenon has come under some criticism due to increased scrutiny of scientific research related to the replication crisis and has not been adequately reproduced by subsequent research, thereby calling into question its validity.

The phenomenon of choice overload or overchoice occurs when many equivalent choices are available and making a decision becomes overwhelming due to the many potential outcomes and risks that may result from making the wrong choice. Having too many approximately equally good options is mentally draining because each option must be weighed against alternatives to select the best one. The satisfaction of choices by many options available can be described by an inverted U model, where having no choice results in very low satisfaction. Initially, more choices lead to more satisfaction, but as the number of choices increases it then peaks and people tend to feel more pressure, confusion, and potentially dissatisfaction with their choice. Although larger choice sets can be initially appealing, smaller choice sets lead to increased satisfaction and reduced regret. Another component of overchoice is the perception of time. Extensive choice sets can seem even more difficult with a limited time constraint. Overchoice has been associated with unhappiness, decision fatigue, going with the default option, as well as choice deferral or avoiding making a decision altogether, such as not buying a product. Choice overload can be counteracted by simplifying choice attributes or the number of available options. However, some studies on consumer products suggest that, paradoxically, the greater choice should be offered in product domains in which people tend to feel ignorant like wine, whereas less choice should be provided in domains in which people tend to feel knowledgeable like soft drinks. Many of the increased options in our lives can be attributed to modern technology as in today’s society we have easy access to more information, products and opportunities.

Choice overload is not a problem in all cases, some preconditions must be met before the effect can take place. First, people making the choice must not have a clear prior preference for an item type or category. When the choice-maker has a preference, the number of options has little impact on the final decision and satisfaction. Second, there must not be a dominant option in the choice set, meaning that all options must be perceived of equivalent quality. One option cannot stand out as being better than the rest. The presence of a superior option and many fewer desirable options will result in a more satisfying decision. Third, there is a negative relationship between choice assortment or quantity and satisfaction only in people less familiar with the choice set. This means that if the person making a choice has expertise in the subject matter, they can more easily sort through the options and not be overwhelmed by the variety.

In his book “The Paradox of Choice,” Schwartz outlines the steps of decision making which start from figuring out goals to evaluating the importance of each goal and moves on to arraying the options according to how well they meet each goal and then evaluating how likely each of the options is to meet the goals and finally to picking the winning option. The problem is, the more options one has, the harder it is to make a comparison across products. If one has to compare an item across 50 dimensions instead of 3, there’s a risk they’re missing out on “the one.” That’s the paradox — having a variety of options is good, it drives customer consideration. But once the number of choices gets too high, a person’s happiness goes down.

Choice overload is reversed when people choose for another person. It was found that overload is context-dependent: choosing from many alternatives by itself is not demotivating, it is not always a case of whether choices differ for the self and others at risk, but rather according to a selective focus on positive and negative information. Evidence shows there is a different regulatory focus for others compared to the self in decision-making. Therefore, there may be substantial implications for a variety of psychological processes about self-other decision-making. Among personal decision-makers, a prevention focus is activated and people are more satisfied with their choices after choosing among a few options compared to many options, i.e. choice overload. However, individuals experience a reverse choice overload effect when acting as proxy decision-makers.

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The psychological phenomenon of overchoice can most often be seen in economic applications. Having more choices, such as a vast amount of goods and services available, appears to be appealing initially, but too many choices can make decisions more difficult. A consumer can only process seven items at a time, after that the consumer would have to create a coping strategy to make an informed decision. This can lead to consumers being indecisive, unhappy, and even refraining from making the choice or purchase at all. Alvin Toffler noted that as the choice turns to overchoice, “freedom of more choices” becomes the opposite — the “unfreedom”. Often, a customer decides without sufficiently researching his choices, which may often require days. When confronted with too many choices especially under a time constraint, many people prefer to make no choice at all, even if making a choice would lead to a better outcome.

Too much choice is the cause of mental anguish for some people. Economist Herman Simon theorised those decision-making styles fall into two types. The Satisficers are people who would rather make an “ok decision” than the perfect decision. They’ve spent some time considering their options, but haven’t belaboured the process. They tend to be more satisfied with their choice because they don’t consider all the available information. Satisficers settle for an option that’s “good enough” and move on. Satisficers decide once their criteria are met; when they find the hotel or the pasta sauce that has the qualities they want, they’re satisfied. The Maximizers on the other hand are those who want to make the best possible decision. They can’t choose until they’ve deeply examined every possible option. Research from Swarthmore College found that Maximizers reported significantly less life satisfaction, happiness, optimism, and self-esteem. They also experienced much higher levels of and regret and depression than Satisficers. The more options people have, the more likely they are to be disappointed in their choice. You never feel that you made the best decision because there were too many options to consider.

There are two steps involved in choosing to purchase. First, the consumer selects an assortment. Second, the consumer chooses an option within the assortment. Variety and complexity vary in their importance in carrying out these steps successfully, resulting in the consumer deciding to make a purchase. Variety is the positive aspect of assortment. When selecting an assortment during the perception stage, the first stage of deciding, consumers want more variety. Complexity is the negative aspect of assortment. Complexity is important for the second step in making a choice—when a consumer needs to choose an option from an assortment. When choosing an individual item within an assortment, too much variety increases complexity. This can cause a consumer to delay or opt-out of making a decision.

Images are processed as a whole when making a purchasing decision. This means they require less mental effort to be processed which gives the consumer a sense that the information is being processed faster. Consumers prefer this visual shortcut to process, termed “visual heuristic”, no matter how big the choice set size. Images increase our perceived variety of options. Variety is good when making the first step of choosing an assortment. On the other hand, verbal descriptions are processed in a way that the words that make up a sentence are perceived individually. That is, our minds string words along to develop our understanding. In larger choice sets where there is more variety, perceived complexity decreases when verbal descriptions are used.

Retailers and manufacturers can combat Choice Overload by offering fewer options which may seem counterintuitive in today’s age of personalization with more options needed to be limited to maximize sales. For example, Procter & Gamble found that a decrease in the number of Head & Shoulders varieties resulted in a 10% increase in revenue. They need to make it easy to compare features across products so it becomes easy for customers to choose between non-equal options and frame the use of each.

The choice is a good thing, but when we are faced with too many of them, we get into a sort of analysis paralysis which makes choosing something extremely difficult and we soon start to second guess our choices. When the number of options available is limited, it does take away that complexity we have in making choices, but with the reduction in choices, as consumers, it makes it easy to make a decision and, in the end, it’s this reduction in complexity that will smooth the way.

Emotional Intelligence: Respond, not React

Posted on January 7, 2022 by memoriesandsuch

The other day, when GG, BB and I were speaking, we went on a tangent about how BB who is smarter than his sister falls short when he has to empathise with someone. She is smarter in social situations whereas he is not. This, in turn, led me to find out more about Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient and how it is different from the intellectual intelligence we all know and use as a gauge to check the smartness of someone.

Emotional intelligence or Emotional Quotient is most often defined as the ability to perceive, use, understand, manage, and handle emotions. People with high emotional intelligence can recognise their own emotions and those of others, use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, and adjust emotions to adapt to environments. It is also defined as the array of skills and characteristics that drive leadership performance.

Studies have shown that people with a high level of emotional intelligence have greater mental health, job performance, and leadership skills, although no causal relationships have been shown. This kind of intelligence is typically associated with empathy because it involves an individual connecting their personal experiences with those of others.

It is different from the standard intelligence quotient or intellectual intelligence which is a score derived from one of several standardised tests designed to assess an individual’s intelligence. The IQ is used to determine academic abilities and identify individuals with off-the-chart intelligence or mental challenges while the EQ is a better indicator of success in the workplace and is used to identify leaders, good team players, and people who best work by themselves.

Several different assessments have emerged to measure levels of emotional intelligence. Such tests generally fall into one of two types: self-report tests and ability tests. Self-report tests are the most common because they are the easiest to administer and score. On such tests, respondents respond to questions or statements by rating their behaviours. Ability tests, on the other hand, involve having people respond to situations and then assessing their skills. Such tests often require people to demonstrate their abilities, which are then rated by a third party.

Researchers suggest that there are four different levels of emotional intelligence including emotional perception, the ability to reason using emotions, the ability to understand emotions, and the ability to manage emotions. The first step in understanding emotions is to perceive them accurately. In many cases, this might involve understanding nonverbal signals such as body language and facial expressions. The next step involves using emotions to promote thinking and cognitive activity. Emotions help prioritize what we pay attention to and react to; we respond emotionally to things that garner our attention. The emotions that we perceive can carry a wide variety of meanings. If someone is expressing angry emotions, the observer must interpret the cause of the person’s anger and what it could mean. The ability to manage emotions effectively is a crucial part of emotional intelligence and the highest level. Regulating emotions and responding appropriately as well as responding to the emotions of others are all important aspects of emotional management.
The four branches of this model are arranged by complexity with the more basic processes at the lower levels and the more advanced processes at the higher levels. For example, the lowest levels involve perceiving and expressing emotion, while higher levels require greater conscious involvement and involve regulating emotions.

Having lower emotional intelligence skills can lead to many potential pitfalls that can affect multiple areas of life including work and relationships. People who have fewer emotional skills tend to get in more arguments, have lower quality relationships, and have poor emotional coping skills. But on the flip side, having a very high level of emotional skills can also come with challenges. Research suggests that people with high emotional intelligence may be less creative and innovative, may have a hard time delivering negative feedback for fear of hurting other people’s feelings and those with a high EQ can sometimes manipulate and deceive.

So why is emotional intelligence so important today? Interest in knowing more about emotional intelligence has grown in recent years with programmes improving social and emotional learning becoming popular.

Thinking Before Reacting: Emotionally intelligent people know that emotions can be powerful, but also temporary. When a highly charged emotional event happens, such as becoming angry with a co-worker, the emotionally intelligent response would be to take some time before responding. This allows everyone to calm their emotions and think more rationally about all the factors surrounding the argument.

Greater Self-Awareness: Emotionally intelligent people are not only good at thinking about how other people might feel but they are also adept at understanding their feelings. Self-awareness allows people to consider the many different factors that contribute to their emotions. Self-aware individuals can handle and learn from constructive criticism better than those who aren’t.

Empathy for Others: A large part of emotional intelligence is being able to think about and empathise with how other people are feeling. This often involves considering how you would respond if you were in the same situation and respond genuinely to others’ concerns.

Self-regulation: Individuals with high EQ can control themselves. They can decide when to reveal their emotions and when to restrain themselves. Others can be prone to emotional outbursts and have no control whatsoever.

Motivation: Being self-motivated is a trait of emotionally intelligent individuals. Money or prestigious titles are not motivating factors for them. They are not easily disappointed when they face failure. On the contrary, they are driven by an inner ambition to overcome these failures.

People skills: Emotionally intelligent people can easily build rapport and develop trust in people around them. They stay away from power struggles or backstabbing to get ahead and are more liked as well as respected by others around them.

Being emotionally intelligent is important, but what steps can you take to improve your own social and emotional skills? Here are some tips.

Listen: If you want to understand what other people are feeling, the first step is to pay attention. Take the time to listen to what people are trying to tell you, both verbally and non-verbally. Body language can carry a great deal of meaning. When you sense that someone is feeling a certain way, consider the different factors that might be contributing to that emotion.

Empathise: Picking up on emotions is critical, but you also need to be able to put yourself into someone else’s shoes to truly understand their point of view. Practice empathizing with other people. Imagine how you would feel in their situation. Such activities can help you build an emotional understanding of a specific situation as well as develop stronger emotional skills in the long term. Empathy opens the door for mutual respect and understanding between people with differing opinions and situations.

Reflect: The ability to reason with emotions is an important part of emotional intelligence. Consider how your own emotions influence your decisions and behaviours. When you are thinking about how other people respond, assess the role that their emotions play.

Utilise an assertive style of communicating: Assertive communication goes a long way toward earning respect without coming across as too aggressive or too passive. Emotionally intelligent people know how to communicate their opinions and needs directly while still respecting others.

Respond instead of reacting to conflict: During instances of conflict, emotional outbursts and feelings of anger are common. The emotionally intelligent person knows how to stay calm during stressful situations. They don’t make impulsive decisions that can lead to even bigger problems. They understand that in times of conflict the goal is a resolution, and they make a conscious choice to focus on ensuring that their actions and words are in alignment with that.

Utilise active listening skills: In conversations, emotionally intelligent people listen for clarity instead of just waiting for their turn to speak. They make sure they understand what is being said before responding. They also pay attention to the nonverbal details of a conversation. This prevents misunderstandings, allows the listener to respond properly and shows respect for the person they are speaking to.

Practice ways to maintain a positive attitude: A negative attitude easily infects others if a person allows it to. Emotionally intelligent people have an awareness of the moods of those around them and guard their attitude accordingly. They know what they need to do to have a good day and an optimistic outlook.

Practice self-awareness: Emotionally intelligent people are self-aware and intuitive. They are aware of their own emotions and how they can affect those around them. They also pick up on others’ emotions and body language and use that information to enhance their communication skills.

Take critique well: An important part of increasing your emotional intelligence is to be able to take critique. Instead of getting offended or defensive, high EQ people take a few moments to understand where the critique is coming from, how it is affecting others or their performance and how they can constructively resolve any issues.

Leadership skills: Emotionally intelligent people have excellent leadership skills setting high standards for themselves and setting an example for others to follow. They take initiative and have great decision-making and problem-solving skills. This allows for a higher and more productive level of performance in life and at work.

Emotional intelligence is essential for good interpersonal communication. Some experts believe that this ability is more important in determining life success than IQ alone. Fortunately, there are things that you can do to strengthen your own social and emotional intelligence.

Memories and Such

Memories of a very ordinary life

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