Tag Archives: Culture

Sumangali Pooja Part 2

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Please read Part 1 before continuing to read Part 2

Before the sumangalis come, the house is decorated with rice flour rangolis and the lamps are lit in the home altar. Two separate big silver lamps called kuthu villaku are also kept ready to be lit just before the function starts.

When the sumangalies come, we welcome them and give them haldi and kumkum as well flowers to keep in their hair. Then the lady of the family (aka me) lights the big kuthu villakkus. We kept each lamp next to an altar, one each for a sumangali and the young girl. The altar was made using a small low stool (called palagai in Tamil) which has some rangoli done on it. On this is kept the nine-yard saree (which has been made madi in the morning) and the pavadai (for the sumangali and the kanya) and then a mirror is kept behind it in such a way your reflection is seen. This is so that any sumangalis or kanyas of the family who are dead, but who are present in the house at the time of the function can see themselves. We also decorate the mirror with a comb, haldi kumkum, flowers and some gold ornaments like chains, bangles etc. A small pooja is then performed and the entire family (including men if present) offer prayers to the ancestral women of the family and seek their blessings.

We then invite the sumangalis and the kanyas to sit down to eat on plantain leaves. Two leaves, one on top of the other lightly apart, is also kept for the God (called Swami Elai) which in some families, one member of the family would then eat. Before the women sit down (they have to first stand in front of their leaves), the lady organising this function will call the names of all sumangalis in the family. If no names can be found (like in our case), we just call for all known and unknown sumangalis of the family to come and partake the meal. The invited sumangalis and kanyas are actually eating on behalf of the departed souls.

While serving, the food served has to be served to the swami elai first and then to the others in a clockwise direction. In my place, what we did was everyone helped in serving the dishes and then just before the rice was served, the sumangalis sat down to eat. After the rice is served, all the women and girls will have to be given a drop of water from a silver cup called Panchpatram which is a small silver cup with a spoon which men usually use for their gayatri mantram and sandhyavandhanam after they have their sacred thread on.

The menu is fairly traditional and so I prepared Paruppu payasam, sweet mango pachadi, grated cucumber pachadi, raw banana curry, beans curry, ash gourd kootu, snake gourd kootu, bitter gourd pitla, mor kozambu, Mysore rasam, plain white rice, urad dal vadai, boli, panagam, neer mor (like a thin buttermilk) and a chutney made with curry leaves. My mother-in-law made the pitla at her home and also the dough for the vadai and boli which we then made in my home. A mix of sukku podi (dry ginger) and jaggery also will be kept, which is given to all after eating to enhance digestion.

Once the food is served, the lady organising the function willl do neivedhyam and show karpooram to the pudavai ilai and all the people from the host’s family will put flowers on the pudavai ilai and do namaskarams to that. Generally while putting flowers elders will tell us to pray for a wish to happen and then do it. It is strongly believed that the wishes made during this time will be fulfilled.

Once the lunch is over, the lady of the house has to clean the leaves used for eating. Then the women are given pan to eat and also asked to apply the specially prepared turmeric and mehendi and also given flowera again. We also offer them haldi kumkum again and give them the saree/blouse/pavadai. This is actually optional, but since this was the first time I was doing this, we decided to buy sarees for all plus pavadais for the little girls. I also gave them some money to make up for the lack of providing them with the oil, soap, shampoo that morning.

After this, the four of us (BB, GG, S & me) bowed down to the women and did namaskar to them and they blessed us with akshadai (rice made yellow with some turmeric which is very auspicious). They also blessed BB for his poonal and then left. We then sat down to eat.

By the time everyone went home and I was able to put my feet up, I was up on my feet for almost 12 straight hours! I was super exhausted that day.

I hope with this post, I’ve been able to shed some light on the customs of our community. This post is also a reminder for me if I have to do this another time on this function and also for BB & GG in the future. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to comment below….

Sumangali Pooja Part 1

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So last weekend, I did the Sumangali Prarthanai which is usually done by a married woman in each family or clan when there is a major ceremony happening in a family like weddings or thread ceremonies. Some families (like my mum) also do this on an annual basis.

The Sumangali Pooja is a typical brahmin function, I can’t say I have seen other communities doing this. In our community, this pooja is done to invoke to seeking the blessings of the ancestral women of the family who enjoyed a long and prosperous family life and left this world as sumangalis (those who died before their husbands) and any young unmarried girls in the family. Every family will differ slightly in the way they do this function, but by and large, the procedure should be more or less similar. Unlike most other functions or religious poojas, this function is a 100% ladies function. The men in the family are only for decorative or helpful purposes and have no real role to play. Usually, the oldest woman present will take the mantle of the master of ceremonies and lead the function as she will be the most knowledgeable of all present.

Usually, these days people have around 5 Sumangalis and 2 young girls, though you can have any odd number like 3, 5, 7, 9 or even 11 and 13! You can invite both married women from within your family or outside for the function. The day before the function, all the invited sumangalis are given sesame oil, shikhakai, and turmeric and henna in advance or in the early hours of the day of pooja. The tradition is they have to apply mehendi and take oil bath and also apply turmeric while taking a bath which is considered very auspicious. They will come home the next day by taking oil bath and wear a 9 yards saree which has been made madi (means they have to wash and dry it separately without touching other clothes or even with their hands). These days, especially in places like Singapore, where a saree is getting rarer, people may not be comfortable wearing a nine-yard saree, so sometimes, they wear a normal six-yard saree or even other clothes, come to the host’s house and then change into the nine-yard saree.

Generally, if a daughter is getting married on the girl’s side they will do it compulsorily before the wedding and keep the daughter who is going to get married as one of the pondugal. But in the boy’s house also they do the sumangali prarthanai but they can either do it before the wedding with their family members or they can either do it once the daughter in law comes into the house. This function should also be done only once a year by a family. So in our case, since I just did the function, if S’ cousin gets married anytime in the next one year, his mum (S’ aunt) can’t do it before the wedding, as it’s usually done. The ideal day of the week for this function is a Friday, but these days with people working and children in school during the week, Fridays are not practical so most people do it on a Sunday. The inauspicious time of Rahu Kaal is also to be taken into account when choosing the time. On Sundays the Rahu kaal is in the afternoon, so this function which ends at lunch is perfect to be done on a Sunday.

 

I’d Love to Visit….Mount Kailash and Manasarovar Lake

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I just finished reading Colin Thubron’s ‘To a Mountain in Tibet’ and the book reignited one of my life bucket lists. The book is an account of his travel from Kathmandu to the foothills of the sacred and mystic mount Kailash, which is revered by Hindus , Buddhists, Jains and the followers of the Bon religion. Hindus believe that Kailash is the earthly incarnation of the mystical mount Meru, which is the supposed to be the centre of the universe in Hindu mythology. Buddhists and Jains also believe in the sanctity of mount Meru and therefore Mount Kailash and so for members of all three religions, circumambulating or doing a parikrama of the mountain will wash off all sins. Hindus also believe that Lord Shiva, the Destroyer, one of the three Gods who form the trinity of the Hindu pantheon, also resides at the top of Mount Kailash.

 

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Mount Kailash Parikrama Map. Source 

This post is neither about the book nor about Hindu mythology. What it is instead is about Mount Kailash and Manasarovar Lake. Ever since I’ve heard of these two places, I want to go there. Both are in Tibet, which is now in China. But most importantly, both are at very high altitudes, around 15,000 feet above sea level. For someone born, brought up and living in areas which are at sea level, I need to be extremely fit to attempt climbing this high, for my lungs to be able to cope. I still want to do this, preferably before I am too old, but one can only hope.

 

 

Mount Kailash is extremely ancient, even predating the Himalayas according to the book. The mountain is probably an island in the ancient Sea of Tethys which was what the whole Tibetan plateau was before the Indian subcontinent (India was a continent then) collided with what is now the rest of Asia, the tectonic shift that was caused gave birth to the Himalayas. It is said, even today, fossils of marine animals can be found in Tibet. The four faces of the mountain also correspond to the four cardinal points and four of India’s rivers, Ganges, Sutlej, Brahmaputra and Indus also originate close to the base of the mountain.

 

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North face of Mount Kailash Source

The Indian government has a lottery where certain people get selected for the Kailash Manasarovar Yatra which is a pilgrimage officially sanctioned by the government and which enters Tibet through India. This trip is a longish one, through Himachal Pradesh and so pilgrims have a chance to slowly acclimatise themselves for the high altitudes. But I’ve heard that it’s quite difficult to get into this pilgrimage and also many people drop out during the process. You can also do this via private operators, most who are based in Nepal. I understand they fly you directly to Tibet from Kathmandu (huge amounts of elevations in altitudes in a matter of hours) and then you use vehicles to get as far as you can, and the balance is done by foot.

 

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Manasarovar Lake with Mount Kailash in the background. Source

Manasarovar Lake and Rakshas Tal are two lakes found in the base of the Kailash Mountains. They lie around 15,000 feet above sea level. Manasarovar is a fresh water lake, probably one of the largest at that elevation. Rakshas Tal, which lies next to it is, however, a salt-water lake and there’s a natural channel which connects the two of them. Hindu mythology has this lake as a manifestation of Lord Brahma’s mind and so is quite sacred. It is said, anyone drinking the water of this lake will be cleansed from sin over a hundred lifetimes.

 

 

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Yam Dwar or Lord Yama’s Door. Source

The first step or the start of the parikrama is a small door called Yama Dwar or Lord Yama’s door. Lord Yama is the Lord of Death (like the Grim Reaper in western thought) and the reasoning is that by going through this door, you get reborn. Another reason is that all of us have sinned at some point in time in life and it’s only a newborn who is pure of heart. So when you are reborn, you become pure and can complete the circuit without much difficulty.

 

 

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Gouri Kund Source

Then you start the parikrama. It is said a very fit person can complete it in 15-16 hours, but realistically speaking, for a normal person, not used to the high altitude and thin air, it should take at least two to three days to complete it, taking into account frequent rest stops on the way plus a camp at night. The average altitude for the parikrama is around 16,500 feet. You also see the Gouri Kund along the parikrama. This freshwater lake can be found during your descent from the Dolma Pass and is said to be a sacred place where Goddess Parvati seduced her husband and also the place where the Sky Dancers or Dakhinis in Tibetan mythology play and take bath in.

 

I loved writing this post and this has really allowed me to live through a virtual pilgrimage. I hope that in the near future before I am too old, I can actually do this physically as opposed to living it virtually!

Ode to a Saree

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8e68083407d603b3a20f519a36735bc8The very word ‘Saree or Sari’ evokes a sense of pure bliss for the six yards of fabric which exude grace and elegance. This traditional Indian garment for women is in every Indian woman’s wardrobe, even if she is not a saree wearer, but she will wear a saree for very special occasions.

I used to love wearing the saree and have loads of memories pre-marriage of wearing them. Back in college, we used to have ‘Saree Day’ and ‘Traditional Day’ each year, where girls would wear the saree on saree day and either a saree or their traditional dress on traditional day. When we had official functions in college, again the saree would come out and those days the whole college would look so colourful with everyone checking out theirs and their friends sarees and accessories.

Even when I started work, sarees played an important role. Every interview was always in a saree, as this was considered formal wear for women and again when we had important meetings, presentations or visitors we’d all wear sarees to work. Another time the saree was brought out was during festivals. During festivals, everyone came in their festive best and during festivals like Navratri, where each day has a specific colour associated with it, all the women in the office would wear the same colour!

320px-styles_of_sariAfter coming to Singapore, my saree wearing slowed down and after having BB & GG, almost came to a stop! But in the last year or so, I have rediscovered my love for the saree again, what with seeing images of women doing everything in this garment on social media. I’ve now decided to wear them more often, though the heat does everything to discourage me. I’ve also decided to buy more sarees from India’s rich heritage and want to own atleast one saree from every Indian state – from the Bandini of Rajasthan to the Patola of Gujarat to the Kantha of West Bengal to the Muga Silk of Assam to the Sambalpuri of Odisha to the Pochampalli of Telangana to the Paithani from Maharashtra to the Kanjivaram from Tamil Nadu to the Mangalgiri and Gadwal silks from Andhra Pradesh to the Maheshwari and Chanderi from Madhya Pradesh to the Banrasi Silk from Uttar Pradesh to Mysore Silks from Karnataka. The rich cultural heritage of the various Indian states ensure you can never run out of sarees to wear!

Now I am off to arrange my small stack of sarees and make notes on what I need to buy to add to it!

Mindfulness and Meditation: Mastering your mind

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mindfulness_poster_UKI’m currently reading Ariana Huffington’s book ‘Thrive’ and though I’m only a third into the book, the chapter on mindfulness and meditation resonates with me.

I’ve been meditating on and off through the years (more off than on if I am honest), but I do practice what I now recognize as mindfulness almost every day.

According to Psychology Today, “Mindfulness is a state of active, open attention on the present. When you’re mindful, you observe your thoughts and feelings from a distance, without judging them good or bad. Instead of letting your life pass you by, mindfulness means living in the moment and awakening to experience.”

nothinglackingMy version of mindfulness is just before I fall asleep. I am not the sort of person, who as soon as my head hits the pillow, I fall asleep. I usually take between 10-15 minutes on a good say to fall asleep and this is when I reflect and recreate my day as well as see where I was wrong and try to re-do that experience. It’s only those admittedly rare days when I am so exhausted that I do go into a deep sleep as soon as my head hits the pillow that these reflections are not done. In between, I’ve tried to meditate, but I find that I do not have the disciple to do it on a daily basis.

After reading the book, I am more than convinced that I should start BB & GG on trying (the operative word here, ever tried to get teens to stay still?). We did try getting them to meditate once, but couldn’t sustain it, but I am going to give it another shot again. With the heavy stress they are under, this may be a good solution to get them to stay grounded and maybe be able to deal with this stress.

To ensure that we get it right this time, I’ve been reading up on the benefits of mindfulness and meditation and from what I’ve read the benefits far, far outweigh the efforts.

I consider meditation to be a part of mindfulness, where we try to still our busy minds and try to be in the present. You can use anything to anchor your mind – a word or even an image. Indians, and specifically Hindus are known to chant “Om” for this and the vibrations this sound makes is supposed to be very good not only for the individual, but also the environment surrounding you and puts you in a relaxed frame of mind, which is what meditation and mindfulness are all about.

mindfulness-for-daily-lifeSomeone who practices mindfulness and meditates on a regular basis is someone who is more satisfied with life, someone who knows and accepts what life brings to them and becomes fully engaged with the ‘now’, rather than the ‘later’. This ability helps cushion you against the adversities that life will inevitably bring to you.

Scientists have also discovered that practicing mindfulness and meditating regularly help you physically – by relieving stress, lowering blood pressure, giving you the ability to manage pain and improve sleep. All this which a twenty-first century worker needs desperately!

mindfulness1The best way to do this is to find a time of the day when you can practice on a regular basis and stick to that. I prefer doing this just before bed, some people prefer doing this first thing in the morning, but it should be your call. Choose a relatively quiet place where you will not be interrupted as well as bombarded by stimuli. Relax your body and mind. You can close your eyes if that helps or you can focus your attention on an object or image. Take deep and confortable breaths and focus your attention on how you breathe. Your mind will start to wander and when it does, gently bring it back to the present. Having something to focus on like a chant or an image helps in this. I also like to keep a timer on my phone for the initial days when I know I can’t focus too much. Start small, maybe 2-3 minutes initially, gradually moving up the time you mediate and be mindful to as long as you can.

If you do this, I’d love to hear how this went. I will be starting this with BB & GG soon and will post a follow-up on this as soon as there’s some benefit. I am hoping that doing this with them for a few weeks will make this a lifelong habit and will help them through their busy and stressful lives.