What makes a Woman?

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Today, worldwide we celebrate International Women’s Day, but is it really necessary to just devote one day a year to half the world’s population?

Women today have reached the pinnacle of what they can do, with many women breaking records in achievements. At the same time, in many countries, including what is known as a first world country, women still don’t have rights over their own bodies!

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Growing up in a conservative, yet liberal household, I was always told that I can do what I want (within reason) and there was nothing that was beyond me. I remember when I first started college at the age of 16, I found out about the British Council library which was in the Central Business District in Mumbai and wanted to join it. My dad asked me to find out what was the membership fee and where it was. I did so and he handed me the money and told me how to get there and I was on my own. I went with an older friend who had also not gone there before, so we lost our way and had to ask around before we found the building and I became a member. I held that membership for almost 10 years, right after I started working and could not go to the library during work hours. I also became a member of the United States Information Service (USIS) after I started my undergraduate degree as it used to be free then for students. So every month while I was in college, I used to lug my 8 books (4 from each library) to college and after lessons ended around 11 am, I’d travel down to the libraries, before coming back home around 4 pm. My parents never held the view that since I was a young girl, I could not go to places which were far from home. I was probably the only person I knew back then who used to travel so far to get her book fix!

women-power_storyAt the same time, I always knew that I’d get married at some point and take my husband’s name. It was not done for ‘girls like us’ to show off our independence like that. But fast forward some years and I’ve done exactly what I’d never thought I’d do. I have kept my name – the first name and last name that was bestowed upon me at birth and will do so till the day I die. I’ve written about this in a post around 18 months back. As an aside, I also would like to see a world (if that’s even possible in my lifetime) where we do not take a family name which is most likely patriarchal in nature. Why do you need a last name in any case? If it’s that imperative to have one, why can’t it be that of your mother? After all, maternity can never be disputed, but paternity has to be proved, right?

1f8d4f2959f76c7420303d7a940b0b8eA woman today can have it all, and in many cases, is expected to have it all. She is judged constantly – whether she is a homemaker or a working mum and if she is not able to handle both to the satisfaction of the world, then she gets commented upon. Walking down a street in many countries for a woman means running a gamut of catcalls and comments, most, if not all, are sexual in nature. This is seen by the men in those countries as being complimentary to the woman, but for the said woman, it a creepy and extremely offensive.

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So what’s it like being a woman today? I honestly do not have an answer – my definition of being one means allowing no distinction between a man and a woman. I want to go back to the first sentence of this post – why now in 2017, do we even need a day in a year to celebrate womanhood? Shouldn’t every day be a celebration? We don’t celebrate International Men’s Day, do we, then why one for women? Women are more or less half the world’s population, so why this distinction? Why are women still perceived to be the weaker sex? I’d bet if any man had to undergo a natural delivery or even have periods every month for close to 50 odd years of his life, he’d acknowledge with loads of humility that women are indeed the stronger sex (not to mention, all the hidden pink taxes that women pay which would be a thing of the past).

Anyway, that’s all wishful thinking. I’d love to hear from my women readers – what you think makes a woman? How would you like womanhood to be celebrated?

How Would You Spend Your Last Week on Earth?

 

I can’t remember where I saw this writing prompt, but this sounded interesting, so I saved it and today was inspired to write a post based on this prompt.

 

I do think this prompt makes for a good interview or ice breaker question. Also, the answer you get from this question should reveal the priorities in the person’s life. Should be interesting and I should try it on S someday!

I am assuming that this end is for everyone because of some catastrophe (like a giant meteor or some climate change terror etc) and not someone personal, though, even something personal (like if I had an incurable disease which gave me a week to live), would probably follow the same lines. If it was only me dying, then I’d probably not spend all my money and keep as much as I could for my family, so that would probably be the only thing I’d do differently. Oh, one more thing – in addition to spending time with my family, I’d also write notes for them for the different times in their lives that I would not be there with them and also record videos for them.

 

Of course, nobody would answer things like “I want to spend more time at work to advance myself” or “I want to buy <that thing you can’t do without today>” or even “I want to get toned up” etc. because these are all things that are a means to an end – the end being wanting to provide for your family or even material things that provide you with satisfaction or even happiness for a short period of time. When the push comes to the shove, everyone is going to go back to the basics as it may be, with different people having different priorities in their lives. But I’d like to think, most people would love to have more time with their loved ones, be it family or friends or even someone they are not related to, but love being together with.

 

On to my answer, it will obviously be my family – they come first for me in everything I do and if I had just one week before a doomsday, I would gather them all together with me, my children, S, my parents, my sister, S’ mum etc, money not being an object since the world will end in a week’s time and there’s no need to save anymore, right? I would want to spend as much time as I can with them and soak up all the memories I can with my loved ones.

 

I would also like to take this time to ask for forgiveness to those whom I had wronged, intentionally or unintentionally and also forgive those who had wronged me and mine. I am someone who carries a grudge for a long time, so this would be the best time to forget all grudges I’ve been carrying in my heart for don’t know how long and let sleeping tigers lie.

 

Religion plays a large part in my life and I turn to my favourite God almost everytime I am troubled or even when I am happy. I’d like to think, I have a ‘friend-like’ relationship with Him, so this will definitely be a time when I turn to the higher power to find solace in such trying times. I do not really believe in going to temples or in organised religious functions, but have a more personal relationship. I believe that 10 minutes spent talking to him in a quiet place or even at at the altar at home is better than going to a temple. So this is what I will do – spend time talking to him at a personal level and try to calm my mind so that I can face the end.

So there you have it, how I would spend my last week in Earth. What about you? How would you like to spend the last days on this planet?

The Sounds of Home

This poem was inspired by the incredibly noisy neighbourhood I live in Mumbai. In my last trip, I realised, compared to Singapore, my home was super noisy and it took me a couple of days to push that noise to the back, but it was quite a difficult few days. Then coming back to Singapore, the silence also took some time to get used to!

The Sounds of Home

The sounds start early,

As the birds begin to wake up in the tree;

The ringing of the bell of the milkman,

The shouts of the newspaper man,

This is how we wake-up in good old Mumbai.

Then the real noisy business of the day starts their cries,

The children coming to the school next door,

Their voices eager and ready to soar,

The college students who congregate in the lane below;

Whiling their time between classes, ebb and flow.

Then of course, who can forget,

The noise of vehicles, that drive past like a jet,

This not including the general cacophony of sounds;

Like the cawing crows and vendors in the background,

These are the sounds that define my neighbourhood,

These are the sounds of my childhood,

All day, from morning to night, there is a steady stream of competing sounds,

Till they fade away from your consciousness as the noise resounds.

It’s only when you come back after a while,

You realise that your beloved city, your loved isle,

Is actually quite noisy, but you care not a tome,

You love it anyway, coz, these are the sounds of home!

(Still) Blogging Anonymously

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I decided to go way back to my first posts and see how long I have been blogging. I realised I would have been blogging on WordPress for 7 years this year (my blog anniversary is sometime in August) and a couple of years before that on Blogspot. Wow! That’s a long time to be blogging, that too anonymously.

I revisited this topic again when sometime last week, I came across an opinion piece in an Indian newspaper by a famous author who was arguing about the privacy issues that a famous Bollywood couple are facing over their new baby’s photo. The baby’s photo was published across media when the doting father put it up as his Whatsapp profile picture (as most parents are wont to do so) and she argued that in this day and age of digital invasion, especially for a high-profile couple like these two, it was par on course, and not something they should take seriously. I am not going to link to the article, nor mention any names, though any Indian who reads this, may know who I am talking about. This article again raised the issue of being anonymous on social media.

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Today, with oversharing being the norm, being someone who hides behind an identity on social media, I am probably an anomaly rather than the norm. With the exception of Facebook and LinkedIn where I am present as myself, I blog under a pseudonym on all other media. I guess I am not 100% anonymous here – you guys do know that I live in Singapore and have two children who are twins and are around 13/14 years old and in secondary school. But I have still not shared more details about myself or a photograph of me and my family, which seems to be what most family and lifestyle bloggers (as I see myself) have on their About me page. Maybe someone who is diligent can find out who I am, but I’d like to think that I am not someone who is famous or infamous that people are really curious to know whom I am in real life.

I know it’s quite hard for me not to build traffic to this site because I can’t just link posts from here onto any of my other social media accounts, so conversely I am actually proud of each and every new subscriber as I know you’ve come here organically and because you like what I write. This is pure validation to someone who considers herself as a closet writer.

I also want to protect BB & GG from any adverse effects of my blogging. Technology is jumping by leaps and bounds and what is probably in the realm of science fiction today may be a something very normal 10 years down the line. I want them to start and live their lives on a clean slate and don’t want any embarrassing photos or blog posts to pop up when a future employer searches their name a few years down the line when they start work or even when they apply for admissions at their dream schools. After all, even today a sweep of your social media profile is done when you are looking at hiring new employees or even students and you don’t want something awkward coming up when your name is searched.

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So there you have why I chose to blog anonymously. I am still not sure if this was the right decision or not, but it’s something I chose to do and will continue to do so moving forward.

Solitude

 

I sit among the cacophony of sounds
Yet alone, as if out of bounds

 

People around me, happy and gay
But in my mind, are shades of grey

The happiness that I see around me
Makes me want to move away and flee

A weight on my mind, bring to mind memories blind
Those which are twined to become confined

I yearn for the moments when I can be alone
Away from everything, to get into the zone

To be alone, to be by myself
For that’s when I can hear myself think
To decide on next steps, to bring me from the brink

I want, nay need the space to be free
To ponder, to feel and to brood
Me and my solitude…