Adulting 101: How to Build and Maintain Healthy Relationships

Relationships are an integral part of human life. Whether they are friendships, romantic partnerships, family bonds, or professional connections, relationships significantly impact our happiness, mental health, and overall well-being. However, building and maintaining healthy relationships requires effort, understanding, and a commitment to mutual respect.

What is a healthy relationship? A healthy relationship fosters mutual respect, trust, communication, and support between individuals. It is characterised by a sense of balance where both parties feel valued and heard. Healthy relationships are not free from conflict but rather manage disagreements constructively without resorting to manipulation or control.

Key characteristics of healthy relationships include the following:

  • Trust: Trust forms the foundation of any strong relationship. It involves being honest with each other and having confidence in one another’s intentions.
  • Respect: Respect means valuing each other’s opinions, boundaries, and individuality.
  • Open communication: Healthy relationships thrive on honest and transparent communication. Both parties should feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and feelings without fear of judgment.
  • Support: A healthy relationship provides emotional support during both good times and bad.
  • Boundaries: Establishing and respecting boundaries ensures that both individuals feel safe and comfortable.
  • Equality: Power dynamics should be balanced in a healthy relationship; decisions should be made collaboratively rather than unilaterally.

Why are healthy relationships important?

  • Mental health benefits: Healthy relationships contribute to better mental health by reducing stress, anxiety, and feelings of loneliness. Being surrounded by supportive people can increase self-esteem and provide a sense of belonging.
  • Physical health benefits: Research has shown that strong social connections can lead to improved physical health outcomes, such as lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart disease, and stronger immune function.
  • Personal growth: Healthy relationships encourage personal growth by providing constructive feedback and opportunities for self-improvement.
  • Enhanced communication skills: Engaging in healthy relationships helps individuals develop better communication skills that can be applied in various aspects of life.
  • Conflict resolution skills: Navigating challenges in healthy relationships teaches valuable conflict resolution skills that are essential for personal and professional success.

How can someone build healthy relationships? Building healthy relationships requires intentional effort and a willingness to invest time and energy into meaningful connections.

Develop self-awareness: Understanding yourself is the first step in building healthy relationships. Identify your needs and reflect on what you value in a relationship and what you need from others to feel supported. Recognise your strengths and acknowledge your strengths as well as areas where you can improve as a friend or partner. Set personal boundaries and define your limits regarding what behaviours you find acceptable or unacceptable.

Practice active listening: Active listening involves fully focusing on the speaker without interrupting or judging. Show empathy and try to understand the other person’s perspective by putting yourself in their shoes. Ask questions and clarify points if needed to ensure you understand what the other person is saying. Avoid distractions and give the speaker your undivided attention by putting away phones or other distractions.

Communicate openly: Clear communication is essential for building trust. Be honest and share your thoughts and feelings honestly while being mindful of how you express them. Use “I” statements by framing your concerns using “I” statements (e.g., “I feel upset when…”) rather than blaming the other person. Practice assertiveness and express your needs confidently without being aggressive or passive.

Show appreciation: Expressing gratitude strengthens relationships. Acknowledge efforts and let others know you appreciate their actions or support. Celebrate milestones by recognising important events or achievements in each other’s lives.

Build trust gradually: Trust takes time to develop but can be nurtured through consistent actions. Keep promises and follow through on commitments to demonstrate reliability. Be transparent and share information openly to build confidence in your intentions.

So how to maintain healthy relationships? Once established, maintaining healthy relationships requires ongoing effort. Prioritise quality time by spending quality time together, as it strengthens bonds. Schedule regular check-ins and make time for meaningful conversations about each other’s lives. Engage in shared activities and participate in activities you both enjoy to create positive memories. Respect boundaries, as respecting boundaries ensures that both individuals feel comfortable. Ask for consent and always seek permission before crossing personal boundaries. Avoid overstepping limits and be mindful not to push someone into situations they’re uncomfortable with.

Manage conflict constructively because disagreements are inevitable but can be resolved healthily. Stay calm and approach conflicts with a calm demeanor rather than reacting emotionally. Focus on solutions and work together to find solutions rather than dwelling on problems. Apologise when necessary and take responsibility for mistakes sincerely without making excuses. Support each other’s growth to encourage personal development within the relationship. Celebrate achievements and recognise accomplishments and milestones together. Provide constructive feedback and offer feedback that helps the other person grow without being overly critical. Adapt to change because relationships evolve; adapting ensures they remain strong. Be flexible and embrace changes in circumstances or dynamics within the relationship. Reassess goals together and periodically discuss shared goals or expectations as they evolve.

Tips for Building and Maintaining Healthy Relationships

Here are some additional tips for fostering strong connections:

  • Practice forgiveness and let go of grudges or resentment; forgiveness fosters healing within relationships.
  • Be present and focus on being fully present during interactions rather than multitasking or thinking ahead.
  • Celebrate differences and embrace diversity within relationships by appreciating differing viewpoints or experiences.
  • Seek help when needed. If challenges arise that seem insurmountable alone, consider seeking guidance from counselors or therapists specialising in relationship issues!
  • Practice self-care because taking care of yourself physically & emotionally ensures you bring your best self into every interaction.

Building & maintaining healthy relationships is an essential aspect of leading fulfilling lives. By fostering trust, practicing open communication, and respecting boundaries, young adults can cultivate meaningful connections that enrich their lives personally & professionally. Remember, it’s not about perfection but rather progress. With patience & dedication, you’ll find yourself surrounded by supportive individuals who uplift & inspire you every step along life’s journey!

2025 Week 32 Update

Yesterday was Singapore’s 60th birthday, and as I always do, I spent the evening watching the National Day Parade on TV. I love the pomp and pageantry that goes with these kinds of parades, and used to enjoy watching India’s Republic Day parades when I was young. 

Today’s quote from American-born Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön speaks to the transformative power of facing challenges rather than avoiding them. Pema Chödrön encourages us to sit with discomfort, rather than escape it. She suggests that difficulties, though painful, can be catalysts for growth, wisdom, and inner strength if we allow ourselves to stay present with them.

The key message is that it’s natural to want to run from pain or fear, but healing and transformation come when we learn to stay with our experience and observe it with compassion and courage. When we stop resisting or fleeing our struggles, they can open us up rather than shut us down. Ultimately, this quote is an invitation to be brave, to stop avoiding what’s hard, and to trust that even the most difficult experiences can lead to deep personal transformation, not despite the pain, but through it.

At the beginning of the week, I decided to spend some time doing content planning and blog post scheduling, but even though I had some idea of what I wanted to put in this space, I was not able to articulate much, leading to a serious creativity glut. So I decided to take a break for the rest of the week, hoping that this will let my brain juices flow and let the ideas come in.

That was my week. How was yours? Stay positive and keep smiling!

In My Hands Today…

Tall Order: The Goh Chok Tong Story Volume 1 – Shing Huei Peh

Goh Chok Tong was an improbable Prime Minister for an unlikely country. He had neither the connections nor the cunning to rise to the top, and was even once famously derided by his mentor Lee Kuan Yew for being ‘wooden’ in his communication skills. Except for an imposing height most unusual in this part of the world, he was an ordinary man.

He lost his father at a young age, lived in a two-bedroom public flat with his mother and four siblings and needed a government bursary to complete university.Yet somehow he succeeded.

Tall Order tells the extraordinary story of his life and career over half a century, revealing how Singapore’s second Prime Minister rose through a combination of strength, wit and a political nous which many, including himself, did not know he had.

In this first of two volumes, Goh navigated years of a challenging apprenticeship to Lee, scoring numerous policy successes but also suffering political blows and humiliation. He was the man who first made Neptune Orient Lines, Singapore’s national carrier, profitable, before entering politics. The stellar corporate stint was followed by his many novel policies and institutions that have since become household names in the Medisave, Total Defence, Residents’ Committee and Nominated Member of Parliament. But the highlights were counterposed by setbacks, including overseeing the People’s Action Party’s first electoral defeat after independence at the Anson by-election.

In the hands of acclaimed author and journalist Peh Shing Huei, this authorised biography reveals the private deliberations and negotiations between Goh and Lee before the maiden leadership transfer of independent Singapore. Tall Order is the first biography of Goh. This riveting book offers rare insights into Singapore’s biggest and most important political and economic stories. .

Sacred Stones, Spaces and Stories: Shakthipeeta Part 14

Sri Kanchi Kamakshi Amman Temple, Kanchipuram, Tamil Nadu
Located in the ancient city of Kanchipuram in Tamil Nadu, the origins of the Kanchi Kamakoti Temple are as complex as they are controversial. Traditional accounts, passed down through generations of devotees, attribute its founding to the revered philosopher Adi Shankara in 482 BC.

Scholarly research suggests a more recent establishment, dating back to the early 19th century. In 1821, the Maratha king of Tanjore, Serfoji II Bhonsle, established what was initially known as the Kumbakonam Mutt as a branch of the Sringeri Mutt. This institution would later evolve into what we now know as the Kanchi Kamakoti Temple.

In 1842 when the East India Company, in a controversial move, appointed the head of the mutt as the sole trustee of the Kamakshi temple in Kanchipuram, marked a significant turning point in the temple’s history and set the stage for its rise to prominence, despite protests from the traditional priests.

The temple is dedicated to Goddess Kamakshi, a form of the divine feminine often associated with Parvati. The temple is said to be where Shakti’s spine fell down on earth.

As one steps into the main sanctum, their gaze is immediately drawn to the mesmerising idol of Goddess Kamakshi. Unlike many other temples where the deity stands or reclines, here Kamakshi sits in the Padmasana or lotus pose, her four arms holding symbolic items: a noose, a goad, a sugarcane bow, and a flower arrow.

The temple’s architecture is a harmonious blend of styles, reflecting the various influences it has absorbed over time. The towering gopuram or temple tower reaches towards the sky, its intricate carvings telling stories of divine exploits and cosmic battles. Inside, the Gayatri Mandapa houses the main idol, its 24 pillars said to represent the 24 syllables of the Gayatri Mantra. One of the most intriguing features of the temple is the Sri Yantra placed in front of the main idol. Legend has it that this powerful geometric symbol was installed by Adi Shankara himself.

The prayers and rituals at the Kanchi Kamakoti Temple begins with the Gau Pooja and Gaja Pooja, honouring the sacred cow and elephant respectively. Throughout the day, four main worship services are offered, each accompanied by its own set of rituals and offerings. Devotees queue patiently, waiting for their chance to receive darshan of the goddess and offer their prayers. One of the most unique aspects of worship here is the presence of multiple forms of the goddess within the same temple complex. To the right of the main idol, one’ll find Tapa Kamakshi, depicted as a yogini in a balancing pose. To the left is Anjana Kamakshi, also known as Arupa Lakshmi, representing the formless aspect of the goddess.

The annual Brahmotsavam, held in the Tamil month of Masi, February-March according to the Gregorian calendar, is a grand affair lasting ten days. The highlight of this festival is the Maasi Pooram, considered the manifestation day of Lalitha Maha Tripura Sundari in Kanchipuram. During Navaratri, the temple becomes a hub of activity, with special pujas performed each day to honor the nine forms of the goddess. The air is filled with the heady aroma of flowers and incense, and the sound of devotional music echoes through the halls.

Adi Kamakshi Amman Temple, Kanchipuram, Tamil Nadu
Nestled in the ancient city of Kanchipuram in Tamil Nadu, the Adi Kamakshi Amman Temple stands as a testament to centuries of devotion and spiritual significance. This sacred shrine, dedicated to Goddess Kamakshi, is not just a place of worship but a powerful symbol of divine feminine energy that has drawn pilgrims for millennia.

While the exact date of the Adi Kamakshi Amman Temple is not certain, historical records and legends suggest that the temple’s roots may reach back to the 7th century. The temple is believed to have been founded by the Pallava kings, who ruled Kanchipuram as their capital from the 5th to 8th centuries. Over the centuries, the temple has undergone numerous renovations and expansions by various ruling dynasties. The Cholas are credited with modifications in the 14th century, while the Vijayanagara rulers made further enhancements in the 17th century. Some legends even suggest a more recent construction date of 1783 for certain elements of the temple.

The temple’s history is deeply intertwined with the life of Adi Shankaracharya, the revered 8th-century philosopher and theologian. It is believed that Adi Shankaracharya consecrated the Sri Chakra, a mystical diagram representing the cosmos, in this temple, enhancing its spiritual significance.

According to tradition, it is believed that the navel or nabhi of Goddess Sati fell at this sacred spot. The Shakti Peetha here is known as Kanchi Kamakshi, and the temple is often referred to as the Kanchi Kamakshi Amman Temple. The name Kamakshi means she whose eyes awaken desire in Sanskrit. The goddess is worshipped here as Kamakshi, a benign form of Parvati. She is depicted in a unique seated posture called padmasana, with four hands holding a rope or pasa, an elephant goad or ankusa, sugarcane bow or bana, and a bunch of five flowers as arrows or pushpa bana.

In front of the sanctum is the Sri Chakra installed by Adi Sankaracharya. It is said that after the consecration of the Sri Chakra, the fierce form of the goddess became benign or sowmya. The main sanctum houses a sacred space called Bilaakasha, from which Goddess Kamakshi is believed to have emerged to slay demons. The temple complex includes a shrine to Adi Varaha Perumal or Lord Vishnu, also known as Kalvar, which is one of the 108 Divya Desams. The Gayatri Mandapam houses the idols of Goddesses Varahi, Rupalakshmi, Arupalakshmi, and Ardhanarishwara. A pillar near the Kamakshi Amman shrine is worshipped as Santhana-stambham, connected to the story of King Dasaratha praying for progeny. The temple complex houses several other shrines dedicated to various deities including Utsava-Kamakshi, Bangaru-Kamakshi, and Kasi Vishwanatha.

The temple follows a strict schedule of four daily pujas. Brahmotsavam, the temple’s annual festival, typically held in the Tamil month of Maasi in February-March, is a grand celebration. The Silver Chariot Festival on the 7th day is particularly spectacular. Navaratri is celebrated with great grandeur, featuring special pujas and cultural performances. Every Friday at 7 pm, the Golden Chariot is taken in a procession around the temple, creating a deeply spiritual atmosphere. Other festivals, including Aadi, Aippasi Pooram, Sankara Jayanthi, and Vaikasi Vasanta Utsavam are also celebrated with enthusiasm at the temple. Special rituals are performed on the full moon day or Pournami of every month.

It is believed that Goddess Kamakshi was originally a fierce deity. After Adi Sankaracharya installed the Sri Chakra, she transformed into a benign and compassionate form. The Santhana-stambham in the temple is associated with the story of King Dasaratha of Ayodhya, who is said to have prayed here for progeny. A legend speaks of a golden statue of Kamakshi that was carried throughout South India after the fall of the Vijayanagar Empire in 1565. It was finally enshrined in this temple in 1783. According to local lore, Goddess Kamakshi created a mud idol of Lord Shiva in Kanchi to worship him. To test her devotion, Lord Shiva incarnated as the Kamba River with high tides. The Goddess protected the idol by grasping it closely, leading to the establishment of Kanchipuram. Another legend tells of Kamakshi performing a penance on a needle tip surrounded by five fires or Panchakagni to free herself from worldly desires. Pleased with her devotion, Lord Shiva married her.

As you stand in the temple courtyard, surrounded by centuries of devotion and the echoes of ancient rituals, you can’t help but feel a connection to the spiritual heritage that has shaped this land for millennia. The Adi Kamakshi Amman Temple, with its blend of myth, history, and living faith invites all who visit to partake in its timeless spiritual journey.

Tripura Sundari temple, Radhakishorepur Village, Udaipur, Tripura
The Tripura Sundari Temple, which is located about 55 km from Agartala, near the village of Radhakishore, in the city of Udaipur is dedicated to Goddess Tripura Sundari. The goddess lends her name to the state of Tripura.

The origins of the Tripura Sundari Temple stretch back to the late 15th century. According to historical records, the temple was founded by Maharaja Dhanya Manikya, who ruled over Tripura in the closing years of the 15th century. The king had a divine vision in which Goddess Tripura Sundari instructed him to initiate her worship on the hilltop near the town of Udaipur, the then capital of the kingdom. The temple came into being around the year 1501 CE, making it over 500 years old.

Interestingly, the king initially found that a temple dedicated to Lord Vishnu already existed on the hillock. This presented a dilemma, as he was unsure how to reconcile the worship of Vishnu with the installation of a Shakti idol. However, a second divine vision resolved this conflict, revealing to the king that Vishnu and Shakti were different forms of the same Supreme Deity or Brahman. This resolution exemplifies the syncretic nature of Hinduism, bridging the gap between Vaishnava and Shakta traditions.

According to tradition, it is believed that a part of the right foot or the Dakshin Charan of Sati, including the big toe, fell at this sacred spot. At the Tripura Sundari Temple, the goddess is worshipped as Tripurasundari, also known locally as Devi Tripureshwari. She is considered the third mahavidya and a main form of Parvati. The accompanying Bhairava, the fierce manifestation of Lord Shiva who is present at each Shakti Peetha, is known here as Tripuresh.

The main shrine houses two similar but different-sized black stone idols of the Goddess. The larger and more prominent idol, standing at 5 feet in height, represents Goddess Tripura Sundari. The smaller idol, affectionately called Chhoto-Ma or Little Mother, is 2 feet tall and represents Goddess Chandi.

The temple is set upon a small hillock that resembles the hump of a tortoise or Kurma. This shape, called Kurmaprsthakrti, is considered the holiest possible site for a Shakti temple. The main shrine is a cubical edifice with a three-tier roof and a finial, constructed in the Bengali Ek-ratna style. The smaller idol of Goddess Chandi was said to have been carried by the kings of Tripura to the battlefield as well as on hunting expeditions, linking the temple to the royal history of Tripura. On the eastern side of the temple lies the famous Kalyan Sagar lake, home to fishes and tortoises of enormous size. Devotees feed these creatures with puffed rice and biscuits, and fishing is strictly prohibited in this sacred water body.

The temple remains open from 6 am to 10 pm. The day begins with a morning aarti, setting the spiritual tone for the day. A special puja is performed at midday, marking the sun’s zenith. The day’s worship concludes with an evening aarti. A unique aspect of the temple is the Panchamrit Abhishekam, a sacred bath of the deity with five different nectars.

Every year on Diwali, a famous Mela or fair takes place near the temple, attracting more than 200,000 pilgrims. Navaratri is celebrated with great fervour with mantras recited daily by learned Brahmins, and women performing a havan on Ashtami, the eighth day. Durga Puja and Kali Puja are among the most celebrated at the temple, drawing large crowds of devotees. The Purnima Fair is held every full moon day, attracting pilgrims from various regions. Sindoor Utsav is a unique celebration that marks the culmination of Navaratri, where devotees smear each other with vermilion, symbolising the victory of good over evil.

The temple’s origin is linked to the divine vision of Maharaja Dhanya Manikya, who was instructed by the goddess to establish her worship at this site. The story of how the temple transitioned from a Vishnu shrine to a Shakti Peetha illustrates the fluid nature of Hindu worship and the underlying unity of different divine manifestations. The smaller idol of Goddess Chandi, carried by Tripura’s kings into battle and on hunts, speaks to the deep connection between royal power and divine protection in the region’s history. The prohibition of fishing in the Kalyan Sagar and the practice of feeding the aquatic life there reflects the Hindu principle of respect for all forms of life.

As you stand in the temple courtyard, surrounded by centuries of devotion and the echoes of ancient rituals, you can’t help but feel a connection to the spiritual heritage that has shaped this land. The Tripura Sundari Temple, with its blend of myth, history, and living faith, continues to be a powerful force in Tripura, inviting all who visit to partake in its timeless spiritual journey.

In My Hands Today…

Can Singapore Survive? – Kishore Mahbubani

This book poses the question that Singaporeans must wrestle with: can we survive as an independent city-state? Kishore Mahbubani believes that Singaporeans must always ask the question because constant reflection and self-examination should be a part of the core DNA of all Singaporeans. His goal in this book is to create and enhance this culture of reflection among all Singaporeans.

He gives three answers in this book: Yes, No & Maybe.

With these three answers, he attempts to sketch three different scenarios for Singapore’s future. There is logic behind this, as we cannot predict the future. We can, however, prepare for the future by telling stories about what the future could be like.

Besides his substantive Introduction, this book offers some of Kishore’s best essays on Singapore, taken from his Think-Tank and Opinion columns in The Straits Times, as well as contributions to Guardian News, The New York Times, The New York Review of Books, Davos World Economic Forum’s Forum News Daily, and the “Innovations for Successful Societies” Oral History Project of Princeton University.