2016 Week 18 Update

Last sort of negative work post, I promise! Really, cross my heart. This is my last week in this company and I have decided to leave any negativity behind. Even when (not if, but when) I decide to start working again, I want to remain positive and not wallow in negativity.

The week started as usual with no work, especially since I already had handed over most of the stuff I do. So I very reluctantly went for the drinks cum team dinner. Earlier, we’d all go together, but this time everyone went on their own. When I left, I expected E, my oldest colleague express surprise that I was not leaving with him, but he just said he’ll see me there. I was the first one to reach, around 20 minutes before the time decided. Some of the others were supposed to have come earlier, but according to the wait staff, one did come before me, but when he realised he would be the first, he decamped! I waited for a while before the others turned up. I was not planning to stay long, but ended up staying till the end!

The week went by fast and soon it was Friday, my last day. A couple of people did come up to me during the week wishing me luck, so that was nice. My ex-boss also texted me on my last day and this was especially nice as he is no longer based in Singapore!

A lot of people wrote back when I sent out my farewell email, so that too felt good! I learnt that I have made some friends in this organisation.
A piece of good news – my sister-in-law (S’ sister) delivered a baby boy this week! I am so happy for her and her husband as they have been trying for a long time now and the procedure they did by which she got pregnant was their last chance. BB & GG are thrilled to have a new cousin and I expect them to go to their grandma’s place all through the holidays on one pretext or the other to play with the baby. The baby, who is unnamed yet is the cutest one I have seen in a while. Ooh, his cheeks are so big, they hid his eyes! I predict he is going to be quite spoilt by everyone!
On that note have a great week folks!

Sleep

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Bedtime, for BB and GG at 12 and a half years on school nights is between 9 and 9:30 pm. Last week, one night when i was hounding them to bed, both said that they sleep the earliest among their friends and classmates. Most people their age, according to them, slept around 10 pm on school nights and even midnight and beyond on weekends and holidays.

I’ve always believed that in order to function at 100% capacity the next day, an adult has to have a minimum of 7-8 hours of sleep the previous night and this increases for children (including teens). So I set out to show GG & BB why I ask them to sleep early, especially on school nights and this post is all the research I did and my findings….

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Sleep plays probably one of the most important roles in allowing us to function as normal, functioning human beings! Not getting enough sleep can impair mental and physical health as well as the quality of life. Worse, it makes you make wrong judgments in life (both mentally as well as physically) which leads to safety issues, for you as well as the people around you. We’ve all read, heard or seen many accidents which take place because people didn’t have enough sleep or how someone was diagnosed with a chronic disease where the real underlying cause was inadequate sleep!

For children, growing and otherwise, sleep is incredibly important as that is the time, when their brain cells work overtime to help them grow, both physically as well as mentally. Scientists believe that too little or not enough sleep in children can affect growth as well as their immune system. This is true for both young children as well as teens.

the-importance-of-sleep-before-your-exams_537341377350b_w450_h600It has also been researched that loss of sleep or not having enough sleep can cause students not to do well academically. This is true, not only the night before a big exam, but also on a day-to-day basis when a student has to be alert and perform in class. I read that research has proved that after two weeks of sleeping six hours or less a night, students feel as bad and perform as poorly as someone who has gone without sleep for 48 hours. Sleep is also very important for learning and memory and motor tasks as research has proved that students who slept better did better in these tasks than those who did not get the required amounts of sleep.

However, it’s not the quantity of sleep, but also the quality of sleep that is important. So even if a student has his full complement of sleep, but this is fractured, disturbed or otherwise not in full REM mode, he will not be fully alert the next day.

One report I read for this post says that studies have shown that factors such as self-reported shortened sleep time, erratic sleep/wake schedules, late bed and rise times, and poor sleep quality have been found to be negatively associated with school performance for adolescents from middle school through college. Thus, there is ample evidence to indicate that the lack of adequate nighttime sleep can lead to disturbances in brain function, which in turn, can lead to poor academic performance.

So given how important sleep is for everyone, especially students, what do we do to get a good night’s sleep?

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Go to bed early and at a consistent time: Students need around 9-10 hours of sleep daily, but given the constraints on their time, I seriously don’t think they get enough, but even if we put an adult’s requirements on them, they need at least eight hours of sleep. So try to work backwards from your wake-up time and go to bed 8-9 hours before that. If you need time to fall asleep, take that time also into account.

Use the bed only for sleeping: Don’t read, study, watch TV or study on your bed. Your mind needs to associate the bed with sleep only and so by avoiding all other activities on the bed, it becomes easier for the mind to wind down and start sleeping once you actually get into bed.

Limit naps: Naps during the day, and especially closer to bedtime will play havoc with your sleep and circadian rhythms. If you must nap, don’t sleep for more an hour and try to wake up at least 6-7 hours before your bed-time.

Sleep-ins during the weekend: Don’t try to catch up on sleep during weekends. Try to stick to the same schedule as during the week as this may throw your schedule out of sync otherwise and Monday morning will be pain to wake up.

Caffeine: Avoid caffeine in any form after 3 pm. Caffeine stays for a long time in your system and make it hard to fall asleep. Although small portions of the population have no ill effects to caffeine, and if you are one of them, you should be ok!

Lights in the bedroom: Try and adjust the lights in your bedroom so that when you are ready to sleep, you are not blasted by bright lights which can try your mind.

Consistent meal schedule: Try to maintain a consistent eating schedule. Research says to have your last meal of the day two to three hours before bedtime so that your body has time to digest the food before sleep. This way your body is able to let you relax and sleep better.

Exercises: Exercising for a minimum of 30 minutes a day in the mornings allow you to become energized for the day and gives you deep and uninterrupted sleep at night. But remember not to exercise within three hours of bedtime as then exercise will stimulate your body, making it harder to fall asleep.

Stress and Anxiety: These are part and parcel in a student’s life and I assume a large proportion of students lose sleep because of stress and anxiety – about exams, a paper etc. Drink a glass of hot milk before bed as milk helps in managing stress. Also writing down what stresses you can make it go away from your head, at-least for the moment and lets you get good sleep.

Electronics Ban: Take some time to “wind down” before going to bed. Get away from all electronics (computer, television, mobile devices etc) 30 minutes before bedtime and let your body and mind relax with a good book. It’s very hard to do this and all of us are guilty of this almost all the time, but research has shown that being exposed to the blue light given out by electronic devices at night prevents our brain from releasing melatonin, which a hormone which regulates sleep. So the longer we are on electronic devices close to bedtime, the longer it will take us to actually sleep and this will affect both sleep quality and quantity, leading to all the issues at the beginning of this article.

I hope this post has been useful, especially if you need help in convincing your child that sleep is essential for him/her. I also spoke to GG after I finished my research for this post and asked her again about her friends. She replied they slept much less than her, but when asked if they were mentally present in class, as opposed to being just physically present, she replied in the negative and said most of them were zoned out or sleeping in class most times. This, more than anything else I said or could say in my defense of sleep seemed to have made a difference in how she viewed her sleep time!

2016 Week 17 Update

I want to put this down, so I don’t forget. The past few weeks I’ve been processing what is happening around me and sometime this week, I realised something. There is something not quite right between Big B and his boss. I have a feeling Big B will not last long in his role here. Big B is an expat and he has been deputed to Singapore from his home country and company for a certain number of years. From what I’m seeing and understanding, I feel Big B will not last his tour here, he may ask his home company to recall him back sooner than later. And I’ve realised that I’ve become the unfortunate victim in this skirmish! For some reason since Big B’s boss is not happy with him, he did not want to regularise my employment and eliminated my position so Big B is inconvenienced. I did obliquely mention it to Big B this week while we went through whom to pass on the different aspects of my job and his comments about his boss were not too complimentary!  Well, that’s life I guess!

I mentioned about a drinking session they had this week. I didn’t go as I had decided. The next day, Big B spoke to me about the session this week and asked me to come. Then he said the words I wanted someone to acknowledge – he said it’s for you and since you don’t drink, we’ll go for dinner. So I have said yes and it’s tomorrow! After that a couple of others  also came up to me asking me to come and I said yes….

The week actually went quite fast for me, I was busy clearing up my desk and doing my handovers. This week will therefore be quite boring I guess, I really don’t have much to do…Next week onwards, it time to start looking for new jobs and take the time to do all the things I had planned to do in the house and with BB & GG.

Have an awesome week folks, the last for April…

Writing

if-word-clipart-1024x627One of the things I want to try my hand in during the next month or so is to start writing seriously. I’ve always loved writing and one of my favourite periods in school used to be the English composition period. In fact, I can remember myself in school, during the English exams, once we get the paper, the first thing I’d do is see the options for the composition section. Only after I made my choice, would I start to attempt the rest of the paper, wanting to savor the composition right at the end. All the while writing the paper, the composition would be writing itself in my head and I would pen it down once I’d done the other boring parts like grammar and the literature section.

In college, I wanted to do English Literature, but got suckered into doing Economics and Finance as I felt that’s where the nicer jobs were, but writing was something I did in secret. When Blogspot and later WordPress started, I was elated. This was a chance for me to start writing and this is where my blogging journey started. However, with the exception of last year, I’ve been more of an indifferent blogger, preferring to remain anonymous. I still prefer to blog anonymously, but my writing has started to get better in the last eighteen months or so of blogging regularly (or so I’d like to think)….

writing-a-book-two-people-clipart-1Like my reading, my writing is all over the place, but if I have a soft spot, then it will be for children’s books. I know that there are not many famous children’s book authors, but I love penning down small and sweet stories for the young. If the story has a kernel of something they learn in the process, that’s icing on the cake, as far as I am concerned. I have some stories written in this blog about a couple of monkeys called Chica and Chiki, modeled, as you’d probably have guessed correctly, on GG and BB!

I’d love to write more stories on my monkey twins and maybe some others. I know I have to do some research on how a children’s book is written and will do so. One part of this research will be to read more children’s books, but I am also planning to search for books on this subject as well as perhaps on creative writing? I am also looking for some courses in creative and writing, need to check the local universities, but I am not too optimistic about this. I will go online and maybe Coursera may have something for me.

I’ll definitely update once I start writing and who knows you people will be subjected to my stories here. When I do, please be honest in your reviews and critiques…..

Empathy: Walking in others shoes

“Don’t judge a man before you have walked a mile in his shoes”

This ancient Cherokee saying nails what empathy is all about in today’s world!

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Empathy: the action of understanding, being aware of, being sensitive to, and vicariously experiencing the feelings, thoughts, and experience of another of either the past or present without having the feelings, thoughts, and experience fully communicated in an objectively explicit manner.

In today’s dog-eat-dog world, where success has to be seized by any means, fair or foul, having empathy to your fellow beings is becoming increasingly rare. Especially when it comes to teens today. Any normal teen is sullen, selfish and only looks to self-gratification. Add the push from parents to succeed at any cost and be a step in front of your peers, makes them lack this very important trait. This is also the reason that bullying cases are at an all-time high!

A couple of weeks back, in one of the children’s school parent group chats, one of the parents had posted that her niece, also in Secondary 1 had run away from home and school! Luckily she was found a day later and safe, but when probed to the reason for running away, she cited bullying as the main reason. After that, pretty everyone, including yours truly had bullying episodes to share. Both BB & GG were bullied in primary school, for very different reasons which I don’t want to share now, but from what I understood it has now become so common that it’s almost like a rite of passage!

But why are we raising children who don’t know how to relate to their peers? Why can’t children today ‘walk in their friend’s shoes’ and understand them? Once this happens, this will reduce bullying to a large extent, in my opinion, as most bullies are those who are probably threatened by the thought of someone or something which represents the person and so they bully them before they can be bullied, or so they think!

Teens who don’t know how to be emphatic tend to be more self-absorbed and less caring towards, not only others, but also towards themselves. So they tend to base life and it’s experiences on the the theme of ‘Whats in it for me?” So excelling in any field, academics or sports or other pursuits is not because they want to, but because they gain something out of it, maybe recognition within the community or awards or just because they want to please their parents. I’ve seen so many cases where children join courses only because their parents told them to or because it is was a prestigious one. A few years after completing the course, they are off doing something completely different! And when such children fail, as life is wont to do, they become miserable and some even take extreme steps!

Teens, who are emphatic, on the other hand, are better at dealing with failure because they see it not a failure against themselves, but more as a learning journey and learn from the process, which stand in good stead for them as they move on in life.

So what do we do with our teens who are probably not as emphatic as we’d like them to be? There are many websites which have excellent tips on how to teach empathy. I’ve summarized a few here:

Allow the child to grow emotionally: As a parent, we love our children, but do we show it to them? Make children very secure about their home environment and let them be very secure in their parents and caregiver’s love and support. When they are secure, they are more disposed to be being caring about others and are sensitive to others’ needs.

Teach children to be resilient: Let them learn from mistakes and allow them to bounce back from distress. As parents, we want to cushion our children against all distress and so we don’t allow them to be pained. Let them be resilient and learn about the realities of life, this will allow them to learn of the others, who may not be as fortunate as they are and so learn to empathise with them.

Model emphatic behavior: A parent is the first teacher in a child’s life and most children model their behavior on what they see their parents, grandparents and caregivers do each day. When the adults in their lives live a life which has empathy for others, it becomes automatic behavior for the child.

Teach always: Every day, every moment is a teaching moment for a parent. So during the child’s daily life, when situations occur, the parent should use it as a teaching moment and teach and allow the child a chance to learn what is good and bad. This also means the parent needs to talk to the child, at his level to get him to understand what is right and what is wrong.

Walk a mile in the other’s shoes: Allow the child or teen to volunteer as often as possible so that they can ‘walk a mile in the other’s shoe’ and try and see the other side of the fence. This way, behavior is humanized and more real to the child, which allows them to open their eyes to the circumstances of others, often which is not in their hands and allows them to respond with empathy to others.

The above are some ways a parent can teach empathy to their child/teen. A wonderful sentence I read while reading about empathy sums up this topic beautifully.

Teaching your child/ teen empathy is like turning their “mirrors” into “windows”. A mirror symbolizes self-centredness, where the child/teen sees only themselves and care only for their own feelings. Windows symbolize empathy, where the child/teen is able to look beyond their own needs and put themselves in another person’s position.