The Paradox of our Time

I came across this beautiful speech/poem by His Holiness the XIV Dalai Lama and it resonated with me.

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Here’s another, similar speech by Dr. Bob Moorehead, which is worth a read!

“The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We’ve learned how to make a living, but not a life. We’ve added years to life not life to years. We’ve been all the way to the moon and back but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We’ve done larger things, but not better things.

We’ve cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We’ve conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more but learn less. We plan more but accomplish less. We’ve learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you and a time when you can choose either to share this insight or to just hit delete…

Remember, to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever. Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn’t cost a cent.

Remember, to say, “I love you” to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person might not be there again. Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.”

Today, most people live in bigger homes (per person per square feet), but who is there at home? Most families are nuclear in nature and even with just three or four people at home, the house is just that – rarely a home as with people’s schedules, there are just a handful of times when everyone is at home together. We don’t make time for the extended family, even during festivities and occasions.

With more disposable incomes, especially in countries like Singapore, the tendency to buy for the sake of buying something is very common. Hashtags like #buybuy are very common on social media platforms and the flaunting of new possessions seems to be a case of ‘keeping up with the Joneses and doing it one step more’! This in contrast, to some people who seem to adopt a minimalist attitude. I would like to go this route and so for the time being, I am stopping all non-essential purchases, preferring to buy from my closet and stash. I will only buy when I am completely out of the product.

We’re more connected than ever in the history of the world, but ironically we’re more alone than ever. As of June 2016, there are more than 1 billion Whatsapp groups in the world and more than 64 billion messages were sent using Whatsapp in one day at its peak! The normal Whatsapp traffic is approximately 42 billion messages per day, though I am not sure if this includes the voice and video messages. But how many of us actually take the time to speak to a loved one on a regular basis? It’s so much easier being in touch through a keyboard, though how much time does it take to take the same phone and dial a number. Even if you do not or cannot use international dialing, all you need to do is install one of the free apps like Skype or Viber and speak to your loved ones!

 

I am going to make a call to speak to my loved ones just as soon as I finish this post, will you?

 

For the love of reading

loveofreading2I have always been a reader, I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have a book in my hand, reading anything and everything I came across – even newspapers wrapped around purchases! Growing up in India in the eighties, there were not many opportunities to read books, unless you had access to well equipped libraries or had relatives who were willing to buy and bring back books from the west. So most people depended on school libraries with public libraries being more of a joke than anything else…I used to haunt my school and college libraries, so much that I used to use up my quota of books and then ask/beg friends to lend me theirs too.

for-the-love-of-books-logo-smallComing to Singapore and then finding out about the library system here was akin to water to a thirsty man in a desert! Initially I used a family member’s card and then quickly got mine done as well. When BB & GG were born, I only waited two weeks before I went and got their own library cards. We’ve been borrowing books since then. GG loved reading right from the begining, but BB took a bit of time to start reading fiction. His choice of books were restricted to non-fiction, especially those relating to cars, trains and planes! His reading choices have improved a lot these days though!

The last few weeks, I’ve been reading a lot about how reading habits have been declining in Singapore over the years, especially among the younger generation. The 2015 National Literary Reading & Writing Survey showed that only 44 percent of Singaporeans read one or more literary books in the past year and this is when ‘literary’ has been given a very broad and generous definition!

3fa12852da5900ddc02651b3bd4d0df2I guess smartphones and other digital distractions have been a big contributors to this decline. I can see this even in GG & BB. Even though we regularly go to the library and borrow books, their phones still seem to have a stronger pull than books. Sometimes I have to take away their phones and get them to read instead. I don’t emphasise physical books, even an e-book is better than not reading at all!

The benefits of reading are well documented and widely established. Research has shown that not only does reading improve grades in school, but also opens their minds to a world beyond their own, one which allows them to go places and meet people they would never have met otherwise.

Schools, especially primary schools do make reading compulsory in schools. Every school has time set for reading before school starts (about 15 minutes before the bell rings) and some secondary schools also continue this, where children can read before school starts. However, this, according to me is already late. The love for reading should start earlier, maybe in pre-school! Preschools should read to and get the children, especially the older ones in K1 and K2 (5-6 years old) to start reading on their own with teachers helping them, in both English and their Mother Tongues. This will help the children develop language fluency at an early age and get them to love reading as well.

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Hopefully this will change and people start reading more….As for me, I am glad I live where I can indulge my love for reading anytime and anywhere I please. My only hope for BB & GG is that they continue to love books and reading and read more and widely and experiment with different genres and authors.

What about you, do you live to read or read to live?

 

 

 

 

Life’s Current Bucket List

I keep thinking of life in and after May when I will be unemployed and I have decided that I am going to start keeping a list of things I want to do, something like a bucket list. These are all things that have been in the back burner for a while now while I was busy, but now that I will have the time, I plan to start working on them. Knowing me, I know I probably won’t do all, I am hoping I get to accomplish at least 75% of them….

The list, which may change as I go through them, is below and I am putting it here to make myself accountable. I’ve sorted them into groups so that it makes more sense to me. they are in no particular order, in fact they are as they occurred to me!

Self Improvement

Study: Aha, caught you on this right! While I do want to study based on my interests, what I meant by study is to actually do BB & GG’s coursework. With no income, I don’t have the money to spend on tuition, which is very expensive for secondary school. The hourly rate is in the rate of SGD 100 and with more subjects where they may need help, I definitely can’t afford this. So one of my goals is to start studying their syllabus and then teach them. It can’t be that difficult right? I mean I have a Masters degree and this is high school stuff! But whom I am kidding, I’m terrified and fear that I’ll mess up. But this is something I need to do and will do. Humanities should not be too difficult since I was a humanities student during college, it’s the maths and science subjects which terrify me!

Self-Learning: Speaking of studying, I keep getting emails from Coursera and I am quite tempted to take up some courses. I will do that as well as learn about photography from websites and videos. I’ve wanted to take photography courses for ages now and this is the right time to do it I think. I also want to learn how to put on makeup. My usual daily make-up is moisturizer, sunscreen, some CC powder and kohl pencil and a swipe of lipstick. I have no clue on how to apply other makeup and this seems to be a good time to learn. This is a fun thing to do I guess and also as GG starts growing, I am sure she will start wanting to experiment with makeup sooner than later and if I know something about it, it’ll make her learning so much simpler.

Investing: I have been fascinated with investing for a while now. I am student of Economics and Finance (though my studies seem very far away these days) and I plan to use this time to really study investing. I am going to study the Singapore stock market for a while and then based on what I have learned, I plan to invest a hypothetical SGD 10,000 on some stocks and track them for a few months. If I manage to get even 10% returns, I will do this with real money! May not be as much as my hypothetical money, but it will be a start.

Online Shopping: Another thing I’ve been trying to understand for a while now, but not gathered the courage to do much. I do buy online, but am always wondering if I have gotten the best deal? I did some work on e-commerce a few weeks back as part of my work and saw the power of the Chinese e-commerce sites, especially Tabao. So I want to research these sites and see if it’s really that worth it and try to do some online shopping!

Writing: I’ve always written and I think one of my long established dream is to be a published author. I’ve never really taken steps to do this and this will be the time I actually do something about it. My interest is in books and stories for children and I want to write some stories and send it to a publisher to see if they are good enough. I don’t have any creative writing background and so will also use this time to research on this – if there are some online courses, I am going to take them, or even if I can find something in my local universities. I also want to research and write some decent articles for this blog.

Work: I am also contemplating starting something on my own – there was an article on the Straits Times this weekend on freelance work and to me it seemed like a sign. I’ve signed up in one of the freelance sites I’ve used in this company before. While unemployed, I need to see if this will be to generate some income.

Exercise and eat well: My perennial favourite! I want to start walking again and this time I have a good reason – to beat my diabetes once and for all! I want to start walking again on a regular basis and eventually move to running. This time I plan to see if this works for me or no (I’ve tried running before but couldn’t keep it up) as well as eat well and avoid mindless snacking. I am also very seriously planning to go without sugar. I’ve seen some videos on what sugar does to you and this is quite tempting. It will be easier if everyone does it together, so I am going to have to brainwash my family to be in it too!

Home Improvement

Organise: Do a thorough clean-up and organizing of the house. I have tons of ideas and want to get rid of stuff (I am a certified pack-rat) as well as do some organizing projects.I plan to split this room by room over a period of time so that it does not get too overwhelming and I lose steam before I finish.

Housekeeping: I’ve never been a great housekeeper, preferring to do all the other, wonderful things you can do with your time. I’ve pretty much always relied on outside help to do things I don’t like to do and this is what I plan to change this time around. I plan to research the best way to clean my home and also figure out the best way to schedule my cleaning, such that with an initial effort but not much after that, the house is in good condition all the time. I also want to do work I don’t like and get those out of the way. I have a very low ‘icky factor’ and this is something I want to work on.

Food: My cooking in the last few years has been mundane and routine. Once R leaves, this is another area where I want to improve in. R’s repertoire is quite limited and the children and S get quite tired with the same old dishes week after week. So I want to plan menus where I can do international cuisine, both which can be taken to school as lunches as well as slightly more elaborate ones for weekends and dinners. While I am decent cook, Indian cooking does not really leave itself to much baking skills. Add to the fact that we are vegetarians, so my baking skills are really sub-par. I want to use this time to really start baking, not only making cakes and cupcakes, but also things like quiches and scones.

So there you have it! A ton of projects to do. And since I have committed it to doing it here, I really hope this will help me be accountable to myself. Let’s see what I can accomplish and how long!

Growing up in Mumbai

Matunga – for any Tambrahm in Mumbai, especially those of a certain age, the very word evokes the feel of home. Sometimes called ‘Mini Madras’, Matunga in what would be some where in the centre of what is the original city (as opposed to the suburbs) was probably the first place the initial immigrants, young, eager, bright and wide-eyed, came to from Dadar station when their trains from the south arrived in Mumbai all ready to conquer the world, with an introduction to perhaps, if they are lucky, to a relative (distant or otherwise), or maybe someone from the same village they belonged to, or even a relative’s relative!

While I am not sure if this is 100% accurate, from what I’ve heard from my parents and grandparents, most young Tamil Brahmin boys and men started arriving in Mumbai (or Bombay as it was called then) somewhere in the early forties, some years before India would finally throw off the yoke of British dominance and become independent.

Both sets of my grandparents arrived in Bombay somewhere in the early to mid-forties, luckier than most as both my grandfathers had an older brother already settled in the city, in Matunga as it were! If I were to probably measure the distance my paternal and maternal grandparents live away from each other, when they first arrived in the city, it should probably be a maximum of 1 km.

Matunga is the heart of the Tamil Brahmin community in Bombay and as such the roads are filled with the sights and sounds of temple bells and the smells of filter coffee and delicious food!

Temples like Bhajana Samaj, Astika Samaj and Sankara Math, shops like Mysore Concerns, Giri Stores and the row of flower sellers in the road outside the post office along with the vegetable sellers who have carts close-by are all hallmarks of the Tamil Brahmin community in Matunga! Who can forget the Ram Navami and Navaratri celebrations in Bhajana Samaj, the Diwali sweets that always were sold in the hall in Sankara Matt, the banana leaf sold by the vegetable vendors during any major festival, the gaggle of priests, outside the temples, the sound of the temple bells and sugarcane stalks just before Pongal?

When their families grew, both sets of my grandparents moved from their family homes and out of Matunga. But they both didn’t’ pull the umbilical cord too much and move far away. Both of them moved another kilometer away from Matunga in opposite directions actually, and that was where my parents were brought up.

So growing up, we lived in another area which was a fifteen minute walk from Matunga, which was in the periphery of our lives, without actually living there. We used to go to Matunga for literally everything and my mum still goes there atleast two to three times a week for her weekly ‘fix’. This area in Bombay is the lifeline for the community and even today when other mini Matungas have sprung up across the city and suburbs – like Chembur, Chedda Nagar, Bangur Nagar, Mulund, Dombivili, Vashi, etc you can still people who have moved away from Matunga come here on weekends to catch-up with family and friends, eat at childhood haunts and buy essentials which you don’t get anywhere else in the city.

Growing up, there was always this disconnect – we were Tamilians, but without the accent which is usually caricatured in movies and television and always had questions on why we needed to wear a bindi on our forehead or flowers in our hair. In my and my sister’s case, it was compounded by the fact we didn’t go to the school that most of our Brahmin friends and relatives went to (which was a school run by a Tamil trust where the language was taught as a second language)!

Growing up also we were quite insular. I would say this with the benefit of hindsight. Every Tamilan I knew at that point in time was a Brahmin – either from one of the districts of Tamil Nadu or from Palakkad (from Kerala who are called Kerala Iyers or Palakkad Brahmins). Where we stayed, while not in Matunga, was in fact another Tamil conclave, with almost all the 30-40 buildings in the area having a sizeable Tambrahm population each. My building had 19 flats and with the exception of 2-3, every flat was a Tambrahm flat! This was pretty much the case (the percentages being slightly more or less, with some exceptions) for the other buildings in the street I lived in. Even in school, my friends who were Tamil were Brahmins. In fact, coming to Singapore with its vast Tamil population was actually a culture shock to me as I had never seen so many people from so many Tamil communities and the temples were the biggest shock – I had not heard of all the different Gods that were worshipped there (all the temples I visited prior to this were my community temples or the other temples in Mumbai)

Since most of the community emigrated to Bombay around 60-80 years back, the dialect of Tamil, we speak is completely different from what is spoken by the community in places like Chennai and Singapore. Bombay Tambrahms have retained the words and cadence of their speech from all those years while communities in Singapore and Chennai have adopted more of the local language. So the Tamil we speak may actually seem strange to those who don’t speak like this! S used to tell me that they used to be made fun of in school when they spoke Brahmin Tamil, which is why his Tamil sounds more like how it is in movies while mine is the one they make fun of in movies!

Writing this post has made me so nostalgic. I think the next time I go to Mumbai, I will try and capture all the sights and sounds of the city so that every time I miss Mumbai, I have these to see and hear! Also this post has made me realise I need to pen down more about my life, so that GG and BB know what that was like….

If I were Stranded on a Deserted Island…

The other day I was reading and there was a post on the top things you would have with you if you were stranded. Most people had very innovative and practical items to have on hand, but this actually got me thinking – do we actually think we will be stranded when we travel and have the x number of items on our person? So anyway this got me thinking and if I were ever stranded, especially on a deseted and desolate island where communication is an issue and I am the only person there (aka Robinson Crusoe), this is what I hope I have on myself – otherwise I guess I am doomed!

  1. A solar powered iPhone: This is so that I can try to communicate with the world in a bid to be saved. This should also help in passing the time should I be bored and will also take the place of my books because my phone is always pre-loaded with books. I can also listen to music on my phone so this one phone will actually be the equivalent of 3 items….
  2. A Swiss Army Knife: This is a no-brainer! This will check so many boxes for survival that it should probably be number 1.
  3. Pen and Notebooks: Since I will be free of all distractions, this enforced period of boredom should help me flesh out the book that has been inside me for aeons.
  4. A giant pack of matches: To help me light fires. I’ve never been a Guide or Scout, so no idea on how to light fires using flints or stones!
  5. A solar powered flashlight: This would help me see in the dark and also hopefully frighten away any animals at night.
  6. Sunscreen: Skin cancer anyone? Not me!
  7. Lipstick: Because I am vain like that…
  8. Hammock: Deserted islands have plenty of trees and reading while lying on a hammock is absolute bliss. And of course, this eliminates the need to sleep on a hard floor with god alone knows what bugs and insects.
  9. Toothbrush and Toothpaste: I hate a furry mouth, though I’d need to find a freshwater source before I can actually use it. I’ve brushed in salt/brackish water once and it was an experience I do not ever wish to repeat!
  10. Canned food items: Since I am a vegetarian, I can’t depend on ocean’s bounty to feed me so some canned food for me to survive. I will use my Swiss knife to open the cans and my matches to cook anything I need to cook!

What about you? What would you bring with you if you were ever stranded on a deserted and desolate island?