Self-Love: You alone are Enough

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There is a line in the 2007 Bollywood movie, “Jab We Met” where the female lead, Geet, played by Kareena Kapoor, tells the male lead, Aditya, played by Shahid Kapoor, that “Main to apni favourite hoon”, translated to “I am my favourite”. This iconic line is, to me, the essence of what self-love is.

In the hustle and bustle of our daily lives, it’s all too easy to lose sight of the most important relationship we’ll ever have — the one with ourselves. Self-love, a concept often misunderstood or overlooked, holds the key to personal growth, resilience, and a life of fulfilment.

Self-love, defined as the love of self or regard for one’s happiness or advantage, has been conceptualised both as a basic human necessity and as a moral flaw akin to vanity and selfishness,  synonymous with amour-propre, conceitedness, egotism, narcissism, etc. However, today, self-love has adopted a more positive connotation as well through the increase in mental health awareness that promotes self-love as intrinsic to self-help.

Self-love is a state of appreciation for oneself that grows from actions that support our physical, psychological and spiritual growth. Self-love means having a high regard for your well-being and happiness. It means taking care of your own needs and not sacrificing your well-being to please others, and it means not settling for less than you deserve.

Self-love is not narcissism, arrogance, or self-indulgence. Rather, it is the deep appreciation, acceptance, and compassion we nurture towards ourselves. It’s about recognising our worth, valuing our unique qualities, and embracing our imperfections as part of our journey of growth. Self-love is the foundation upon which we build a life that aligns with our values, passions, and aspirations.

Self-love is important to every one of us. When we cultivate self-love, we develop a strong sense of self-acceptance. This allows us to be authentic, honour our true selves, and live in alignment with our core values. Through this process, we discover inner peace as we release the need for external validation and embrace our innate worthiness. Self-love creates a nurturing environment for mental and emotional well-being. By practising self-compassion, we develop resilience in the face of challenges and setbacks. We learn to manage stress, anxiety, and self-doubt with kindness, empowering ourselves to bounce back stronger and cultivate a positive mindset. The foundation of any healthy relationship begins with self-love. When we love and respect ourselves, we set healthy boundaries, communicate effectively, and attract relationships that uplift and support us. By valuing our own needs and desires, we create space for deeper connections built on mutual respect and understanding.

So how do we develop, cultivate and nurture self-love? There are various ways one can become more in love with ourselves. Developing self-love begins with self-awareness. Take time to reflect on your thoughts, emotions, and patterns of behaviour. Notice your inner dialogue and challenge self-critical thoughts. Journaling, meditation, and therapy can be powerful tools for self-discovery and nurturing self-awareness. People who have more self-love tend to know what they think, feel, and want. They take actions based on need rather than want, and by staying focused on what they need, they turn away from automatic behaviour patterns that get them into trouble, keep them stuck in the past, and lessen self-love.

One also needs to practice self-compassion and treat oneself with the same kindness and compassion they would extend to a dear friend. Embrace your flaws, celebrate your successes, and acknowledge your efforts. Embracing self-compassion helps us break free from the grip of perfectionism and fosters a nurturing environment for personal growth.

Self-love requires actively prioritising self-care. You should engage in activities that bring joy, recharge energy, and support your overall well-being. People high in self-love nourish themselves daily through healthy activities, like sound nutrition, exercise, proper sleep, intimacy and healthy social interactions. Start truly caring for yourself by mirroring that in what you eat, how you exercise, and what you spend time doing. Do stuff, not to get it done or because you have to, but because you care about yourself.

Boundaries are essential for self-love. Learn to say no when your well-being is at stake, and establish limits that honour your time, energy, and emotional capacity. Setting boundaries allows you to create space for self-care, pursue your passions, and protect your mental and emotional health. Surrounding yourself with positive influences—whether it be supportive friends, inspiring mentors, or uplifting content—can reinforce self-love. Choose relationships and environments that foster growth, encouragement, and acceptance.

Lastly, to practice self-love, start by being kind, patient, gentle and compassionate to yourself, the way you would with someone else that you care about.

Self-love can mean something different for each person because we all have many different ways to take care of ourselves. Figuring out what self-love looks like for you as an individual is an important part of your mental health. Self-love is a lifelong journey that requires conscious effort, patience, and compassion. By embracing our worth, nurturing self-acceptance, and prioritising self-love, we can unlock our true potential and create a life of authenticity, inner peace, and fulfilment.

In My Hands Today…

Awe: The New Science of Everyday Wonder and How It Can Transform Your Life – Dacher Keltner

Awe is mysterious. How do we begin to quantify the goose bumps we feel when we see the Grand Canyon, or the utter amazement when we watch a child walk for the first time? How do you put into words the collective effervescence of standing in a crowd and singing in unison, or the wonder you feel while gazing at centuries-old works of art?

Up until fifteen years ago, there was no science of awe, the feeling we experience when we encounter vast mysteries that transcend our understanding of the world. Scientists were studying emotions like fear and disgust, emotions that seemed essential to human survival. Revolutionary thinking, though, has brought into focus how, through the span of evolution, we’ve met our most basic needs socially. We’ve survived thanks to our capacities to cooperate, form communities, and create culture that strengthens our sense of shared identity—actions that are sparked and spurred by awe.

In Awe, Dacher Keltner presents a radical investigation and deeply personal inquiry into this elusive emotion. Revealing new research into how awe transforms our brains and bodies, alongside an examination of awe across history, culture, and within his own life during a period of grief, Keltner shows us how cultivating awe in our everyday life leads us to appreciate what is most humane in our human nature. And during a moment in which our world feels more divided than ever before, and more imperiled by crises of different kinds, we are greatly in need of awe. If we open our minds, it is awe that sharpens our reasoning and orients us toward big ideas and new insights, that cools our immune system’s inflammation response and strengthens our bodies. It is awe that activates our inclination to share and create strong networks, to take actions that are good for the natural and social world around us. It is awe that transforms who we are, that inspires the creation of art, music, and religion. At turns radical and profound, brimming with enlightening and practical insights, Awe is our field guide, from not only one of the leading voices on the subject but a fellow seeker of awe in his own right, for how to place awe as a vital force within our lives.

Festivals of India: Nag Panchami

Today is Naga Panchami. One of India’s unique festivals, Nag Panchami is a day of traditional worship of the snake or Nag or Naja or Naga, which are associated with the mythical Naga beings observed by Hindus, Jains, and Buddhists throughout India and Nepal. The worship is offered on the fifth day of the bright half of the lunar month of Shravan which is around mid-July to mid-August. Some Indian states, like Karnataka, Rajasthan and Gujarat, celebrate Naga Panchami in the dark half or Krishna Paksha of the same month. As part of the festivities, a Naga or serpent deity made of silver, stone, wood, or a painting is given a reverential bath with milk and their blessings are sought for the welfare of the family. Live snakes, especially cobras, are also worshipped on this day, especially with offerings of milk and generally with the assistance of a snake charmer.

Naga Panchami is also a day when Akharas or traditional Indian wrestling gyms, hold special celebrations to honour the mystical symbolism of the snake as a symbol of virility and kundalini energy. There are many legends in Hinduism and folklore narrated to the importance of worship of snakes. According to Hindu Puranas and the Mahabharata, Kashyapa, grandson of Lord Brahma, married two daughters of Prajapati Daksha, Kadru and Vinata. Kadru then gave birth to the race of Naga, while Vinata gave birth to Aruna, who became the charioteer of the sun god, Surya, and also gave birth to the great eagle Garuda, who became the vehicle of Lord Vishnu.

In the Mahabharata epic, the sage Astika stops King Janamejaya from sacrificing and eventually decimating the serpent race or the Sarpa Satra. This sacrifice was performed by Janamejaya to avenge the death of his father Parikshita, who was killed by Takshaka, the king of the snakes. A sacrificial fireplace had been specially erected and the fire sacrifice to kill all snakes in the world was started by a galaxy of learned Brahmin sages. The sacrifice performed in the presence of Janamejaya was so powerful that it was causing all snakes to fall into the Yagna kunda or the sacrificial fire pit. When the priests found that only Takshaka who had bitten and killed Parisksihita had escaped to the nether world of Indra seeking his protection, the sages increased the tempo of reciting the mantras to drag Takshaka and also Lord Indra to the sacrificial fire. Takshaka had coiled himself around Indra’s cot but the force of the sacrificial yagna was so powerful that even Indra along with Takshaka was dragged towards the fire. This scared the Gods who then appealed to Manasadevi to intervene and resolve the crisis. She then requested her son Astika to go to the site of the yagna and appeal to Janamejaya to stop the Sarpa Satra yagna. Astika impressed Janamejaya with his knowledge of all the Sastras or scriptures who then granted him to seek a boon. It was then that Astika requested Janamejeya to stop the Sarpa Satra. Since the king was never known to refuse a boon given to a Brahmin, he relented, despite protests by the sages performing the yagna. The yagna was then stopped and thus the life of Indra and Takshaka and the rest of the serpent race was spared. This day, according to the Hindu Calendar, happened to be Nadivardhini Panchami or the fifth day of the bright fortnight of the lunar month of Shravana during the monsoon season and since then the day is a festival day of the Naga as their life was spared on this day. Lord Indra also went to Manasadevi and worshipped her. During this sacrifice, the Mahabharata as a whole was first narrated by the sage, Vaisampayana. According to the Garuda Purana, offering prayers to snakes on this day is auspicious and will usher good tidings in one’s life. This is to be followed by feeding Brahmins.

On Naga Panchami, snakes are worshipped with milk, sweets, flowers, lamps, and even sacrifices. Deities of snakes made of silver, stone, wood, or paintings on the wall are first bathed with water and milk and then worshipped with the reciting of mantras. Fasting is observed on this day and Brahmins are fed. Fasting and praying on this day is considered a sure protection against the fear of snake bites. In many places, real snakes are worshipped and fairs are held. On this day digging the earth is taboo as it could kill or harm snakes which reside inside the earth.

In some regions, milk is offered along with crystallised sugar, and rice pudding. A special feature is the offering of a lotus flower which is placed in a silver bowl. In front of this bowl, a rangoli of a snake is created on the floor with a brush made of wood, clay, silver or gold with sandalwood or turmeric paste as the paint. The design pattern resembles a five-hooded snake. Devotees then offer worship to this image on the floor. In villages, the anthills where the snakes are thought to reside, are searched. Incense is offered to the anthill as prayer along with milk. This is a myth from folklore where snakes are fed milk so that snakes come out of the anthill. After this, milk is poured into the hole in the anthill as a libation to the snake god.

On this occasion, doorways and walls outside the house are painted with pictures of snakes, and auspicious mantras are also written on them. It is believed that such depictions will ward off poisonous snakes. The day is also observed as Bhratru Panchami when women with brothers worship snakes and where they reside, offering prayers to propitiate Naga so that their brothers are protected and do not suffer or die due to snake bites. Naga Panchami is also celebrated as Vishari Puja or Bishari Puja in some parts of the country where Bisha or Visha means poison.

Apart from the scriptural mention of snakes and Naga Panchami, there are also many folktales about the festival. One such tale is of a farmer living in a village. He had two sons and one of whom killed three snakes during ploughing operations. The mother of the snake took revenge on the same night by biting the farmer, his wife and two children and they all died. The following day the farmer’s only surviving daughter, distraught and grieving over the death of her parents and brothers, pleaded before the mother snake with an offering of a bowl of milk and requested forgiveness and asked to restore the life of her parents and brothers. Pleased with this offering the snake pardoned them and restored the farmer and his family to life.

In folklore, snakes also refer to the rainy season, the Varsha ritu in Sanskrit. They are also depicted as deities of ponds and rivers and are said to be the embodiment of water as they spring out of their holes, like a spring of water. It is believed that snakes are more powerful than humans on account of their association with Lord Shiva, the Goddesses, Lord Vishnu and Lord Subramanya or Kartikeya and because of this, a degree of fear is instilled, resulting in the deification of the cobra and its worship throughout the country by Hindus.

Snakes also have a connotation with the Moon’s nodes in Hindu astrology. The head of the snake is represented by Rahu or the Dragon’s Head and its tail by Ketu or the Dragon’s Tail. If in the astrological chart of a person, all the seven major planets are hemmed between Rahu and Ketu in the reverse order or anticlockwise, it is said to denote Kalasarpa dosha or Black Snake Defect, which forebodes ill luck and hardship in an individual’s life and is appeased by offering worship to the snakes on Naga Panchami day.

In the city of Nagpur in Maharashtra snakes have a special identity. Nagpur’s name is derived from the word Naga which means snake as the place was infested with snakes. Nagpur was the homeland of the Naga people who embraced Buddhism, supported it in its early period, and propagated it throughout India. The Nagaoba Temple in Mahal is where worship is offered on Naga Panchami day. The temple was found under the neem tree known as Nagaoba ka Vota, under a platform. Another important event held on this occasion is an arduous trekking pilgrimage known as Nagadwar Yatra to Pachmarhi. Here, food prepared as an offering to the Snake God is cooked in a kadai.

The Naga Chandreshwar in Ujjain is a sub-temple located on the third floor of the Mahakaleshwar Jyotirlinga temple. The speciality of this shrine is that it is open only one day of the year on Naga Panchami day and remains shut for the rest of the year. The idol of Nagachandreshwar is very unique with Shiva and Parvati seated on a ten-hooded snake surrounded by Nandi, Ganesha and other idols. It is believed that the great snake Taksha lives here and praying during Naga Panchami rids the devotee of various afflictions and doshas such as Naga Dosha, Sarpa Dosha and any form of Doshas.

In Kashmir, snakes have been reported to have been worshipped from historical times with places of worship reported from as far back as 700 AD. In cities such as Benares, Naga Panchami is when Akharas or venues of wrestling practice and competitions are bedecked. On this occasion, the akharas are cleaned up thoroughly and the walls are painted with images of snakes. Priests preside over the festivities and the gurus are honoured along with the sponsors. Its significance is that the wrestlers stand for virility and Naga symbolizes this scheme of virility. The Akharas are decorated with snake images showing snakes drinking milk. In Narasinghgarh Akhara in Varanasi, there is a special shrine dedicated to Naga Raja or the King of Snakes where a bowl is suspended above the image of the snake and milk is poured into it so that it trickle over the snake god as a form of an offering.

On Naga Panchami, snake charmers are everywhere in towns and villages displaying snakes in their baskets. Some snake charmers hang limp snakes around their necks with crowds gathering around them and the snakes in the basket are worshipped by devotees. In Punjab, the festival is celebrated in a different month and a different format. It is celebrated in the month of Bhadra which falls between September and October and is called Guga Nauvami or the ninth day of the lunar month during the bright half of the Moon. On this occasion, an image of a snake is made with dough and kept in a winnowing basket and taken around the village. Villagers offer flour and butter as an oblation to the image. At the end of the parade, the snake is formally buried and women worship the snake for nine days and give offerings of yogurt.

In western India, Naga Panchmi is known as the Ketarpal or Kshetrapal, meaning, a protector of his domain. In the Kutch region, the snake is named Bhujang, which is also the Sanskrit name for a snake. The name is attributed to the city of Bhuj which is located below the hill named Bhujiya, after Bhujang, as it was the abode of snakes. On top of this hill, there is a fort known as the Bhujia Fort where a temple has been built for the snake god and a second temple at the foot of the hill is known as the Nani Devi temple. Bhujia Fort was the scene of a major battle between Deshalji I, the ruler of Kutch and Sher Buland Khan, the Mughal Viceroy of Gujarat who invaded Kutch. When the army of Kutch was losing the battle, a group of Naga Bawas opened the gate of Bhujia Fort by a clever ploy of visiting the Naga temple for worship and joined the fray against Sher Buland Khan’s army. Eventually Deshalji I won the battle. Since that day Naga Bawa and their leader have a pride of place in the procession held on Naga Panchami. Within the fort, there is a small square tower dedicated to Bhujang Naga or the snake god, who in folklore is said to have been the brother of Shesh Naga. It is said Bhujang Naga came from Than in Kathiawar and freed Kutch from the oppression of demons known as Daityas and Rakshasas. The Snake Temple was also built at the time of the fortification of the hill during Deshalji I’s reign and was provided with a chhatri. Every year on Naga Panchami, a fair is held at the temple premises. In the Sindhi community, Naga Panchami is celebrated in honour of Gogro.

In the eastern and north-eastern states, the goddess is worshipped as Manasa. According to Hindu mythology, Manasa is a snake goddess who was also called Jaratkaru and the wife of a Brahmin sage also named Jaratkaru. On this occasion, a twig of the Manasa or sale plant symbolizing the goddess Manasa is fixed on the ground and worshipped, not only in the month of Shravan, as in the rest of the country, but also during the month of Bhadrapad with the festival held within the precincts of the devotee’s house.

In South India, the snake is identified with Lord Subramanya who is the commander of the celestial army and also with Lord Shiva and Lord Vishnu. In Karnataka, the preparation for the festival starts on the New Moon day of the Bhimana Amavasya, five days before the festival day of Panchami. Girls offer prayers to the images made out of white clay painted with white dots. They take a vow by tying a thread dipped in turmeric paste on their right wrist and offer prayers. An image of a snake is drawn on the floor in front of the house and milk is offered as oblation. On the previous night of the festival, they keep a complete fast or take a salt-free diet. After the prayers, a feast is held. In South India, both sculpted and live snakes are worshipped. Every village has a serpent deity who is worshipped as a single snake or nine snakes called Nava Naga but the popular form is of two snakes in the form of an Aesculapian Rod. Every worshipper in South India worships the anthill where the snakes are reported to reside. Women decorate the anthill with turmeric paste and vermillion and sugar mixed with wheat flour. They bedeck it with flowers with the help of threads tied to wooden frames. In Maharashtra, they go around the anthill in a worship mode five times singing songs in praise of snake gods.

In another form of worship practised by childless women stone statues of snakes are installed below a peepal tree and worshipped to seek blessings of the snake god to bestow them with children. This is done as it is believed snakes represent virility and have the gift of inducing fecundity curing barrenness. In Coorg in Karnataka, an ancestral platform called a noka is installed with rough stones which are believed to be the ancestral incarnation in the form of snakes but they are not necessarily worshipped on Naga Panchami day.

In Kerala, the Ezhavas and the Nairs are Serpent-worshipers. A shrine is normally established for the snake god in the southwest corner of the ancestral house, along with a temple for the para-devata. Women fast on the day before Naga Panchami. On Naga Panchami, they take a bath at dawn and pray at the Tharavad Sarpa Kavu and take home the thirtham milk. A Chembarathi or Hibiscus flower is dipped in milk and sprinkled on the brother’s back and then an aarti is done, after which a thread dipped in turmeric is tied on the right wrist of the brother. A feast is then served.

Naga Panchami is widely observed in Nepal, particularly the fight between Garuda and a great serpent. In the Changu Narayan Temple in Kathmandu, there is a statue of Garuda which is said to have been established by Garuda himself and on Naga Panchami, the image is said to sweat reminiscing his great fight with a giant snake; people collect the sweat and use it for curing leprosy. In Pakistan, the Sindhis celebrate Naga Panchami by honouring Gogro, a mythical character that protects against snake bites.

2023 Week 33

Today’s quote is attributed to Eleanor Roosevelt, the former First Lady of the United States and a prominent human rights advocate. The quote suggests that having a strong belief in one’s dreams and aspirations is essential. It emphasises that those who genuinely believe in the potential and value of their dreams are more likely to work hard, persevere, and take the necessary actions to achieve them. It encourages an optimistic outlook on life and highlights the potential for creating a better future through the pursuit of these beautiful dreams. By believing in their dreams and working towards them, people can influence the course of their lives and contribute to the future they envision. Lastly, the quote implies that belief in the beauty of one’s dreams provides the motivation and resilience needed to persevere in the face of obstacles. The quote serves as a motivational reminder to actively believe in and work towards one’s dreams. It encourages people to take ownership of their goals and take steps to bring their aspirations to life.

GG started school this week and she is enjoying some subjects and not so much for the others. It’s a long journey, of which she has just taken the first step. I am also enjoying my new workplace and because I am doing meaningful work in a space I love, it is fun!

I am getting behind in both my writing and reading, but that’s the tradeoff I am willing to make to do the work I am doing. I just need to figure out how to best utilise my weekends.

And with that, have a wonderful week ahead. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay positive!

In My Hands Today…

Amritsar to Lahore: A Journey Across the India-Pakistan Border – Stephen Alter

“During the course of my journey, many of the people I met in Pakistan and India expressed a curious combination of affection, indifference, and animosity toward their neighbors across the border. . . . The border divides them but it is also a seam that joins the fabric of their cultures.”

On 15 August 1947, in what some have argued was the final, cynical act of a collapsing empire, the British left India divided. Arbitrary borders that have profoundly affected the recent history of the subcontinent were drawn upon the map of India. In the violence that accompanied Partition, it has been estimated that close to a million people were killed and more than ten million uprooted and displaced. The hatreds created by what was one of the largest mass migrations in history only exacerbated the religious tensions that originally led to Partition. Since then, India and Pakistan have fought three devastating wars, and the danger of armed conflict is constant.

A sensitive and thoughtful look at the lasting effects of Partition on everyday people, Amritsar to Lahore describes a journey across the contested border between India and Pakistan in 1997, the fiftieth anniversary of Partition. Setting out from and then returning to New Delhi, Stephen Alter crossed the border into Pakistan, retraced the legendary route of the Frontier Mail toward the Khyber Pass, and made his return by bus along the Grand Trunk Road, stopping in major cities along the way.

During this journey and another in 1998, Alter interviewed people from all classes and castes: Hindus, Muslims, and Sikhs, men and women. In candid conversation, the older generation who lived through the events of 1947 shared their memories and opinions of that pivotal moment of Partition, while youths who have inherited the fragments of that past reflected upon the meaning of national identity. In an engaging account of peoples and places, Alter documents in evocative detail his meetings with varied individuals. He recalls the Muslim taxi driver who recognizes an air of confidence with which men in Pakistan walk the streets dressed in salwar kameez; the brigadier who saved the brass insignia of the British crown from Lord Mountbatten’s Rolls Royce; gold merchants, customs officers, fellow travelers, musicians, and many others.

Alongside these diverse and vivid interviews, chance conversations, and oral histories, Alter provides informed commentary to raise questions about national and individual identity, the territorial imperatives of history, and the insidious mythology of borders. A third-generation American in India, where he has spent much of his life, Alter reflects intimately upon India’s past and present as a special observer, both insider and outsider. His meaningful encounters with people on his journey illustrate the shared culture and heritage of South Asia, as well as the hateful suspicions and intolerance that permeate throughout the India-Pakistan frontier. Also woven into the narrative are discussions of the works of South Asian novelists, poets, and filmmakers who have struggled with the issue of identity across the borderlands.

Ongoing battles in Kashmir and nuclear testing by both India and Pakistan may prove that peace in this region can be achieved only when border disputes are resolved. Offering both the perspective of hindsight and a troubling vision of the future, Amritsar to Lahore presents a compelling argument against the impenetrability of boundaries and the tragic legacy of lands divided.